Breakfast with Thunderbush Russell
All life is a mystery,
All things come to he who waits
All things just a twist of fate
It’s just a state of mind
All your time is not your own
It’s real hard to find out why
It’s real hard to say good-bye
To move on down the line…
Both your eyes wide open
You see the shape I’m in
It wasn’t of my choosing
It’s only bones and skin
And I will plead no contest
If loving you’s a crime
So go on and find me guilty
Just one more fucking time
All your life is in your head
All you dreams are in your sleep
And if your dreams are hid too deep
They’re just a waste of time
When you try to chase the dream
You never seem to know the time
You never recognize the signs
And nothing’s what it seems
And if I would have been a bad man
You would have seen the good in me
You would have seen the other
The good man I could be
But since I am a good man
The same was all the same
Nothing I could do, nothing I could do
All life is a mystery,
All things pass you by in time
All things just a perfect crime
It’s just the way we are
All instincts let you down
It’s not a case of love in vain
It’s not a case of love insane
It’s enough to break your heart
Both your eyes wide open
You see the shape I’m in
It wasn’t my idea
That I be the one to sin
And so all our nights together
Weren’t worth a fucking dime
So go on and find me guilty
Just one more fucking time
Last week my good friend Tom Tretter sent the following pictures from Père Lachaise Cemetery in Paris where he was thoughtful enough to lay a note from the old Delter Helter Skelter gang (Himself, me, Big Mike and Bill Ritter). It was a nice surprise.
Thanks Tom.




You rushed right through me
You must destroy yourself to get old
I’ve got to get one of these trees
Right back to me
Well, it must be the chemistry
The sexual pace of the human race
With dynamite guns and loaded runs
Look at me, I’m high on life
These long binges of sobriety are paying off in big ways. I am inspired in ways I haven’t been in years. The thirty months of owning no self worth and feeling the times of being Alex Zander the workaholic rock n roller were long a thing of the past, is becoming a distant memory. I know how fast things came come to a quick end, I’ve learned this in my own life as well as the loss of life to many of those loved ones around me. I’m taking precautions for once that in the event anything does happen, the work and the name lives on.
A year ago I was writing my autobiography, the story of my life a life in the entertainment industry which had after years come to a long halt. Or a stall if that is a more appropriate term. But now I see that my stride was only interpreted. I’ll finish it when I’m finished. As a matter of fact I made a pact that I’d never put out that story which will undoubtedly affect so many others personal lives as long as they were still in the biz. When Al brought MINISTRY back out, I knew this book was not to see the light of day for at least another decade. I’m far from done dear reader.
MK ULTRA Magazine is coming back, this will be the third time is a charm for ol AZ, and why not? The industry has changed and so has media so instead of hanging up, it’s time to change with it, update, and educate. EDUCATE THE THIRSTY MUSIC LOVER! And while at it, make it more fun than it ever has been.
This Saturday kicks off the first monthly MK ULTRA Magazine presents show in years.

And as you know if you’ve been keeping up to date, I’ve worked out a deal to bring APOX back to Chicago for the first time since 2007 and onstage w/ w.o.r.m. together onstage for the first time in an even longer time. This is certain to be a show that will pack the wall of the Horseshoe on Easters Eve 2012. The fanbase is still solid.
Today spoke w/ Medavon DeRaj of LOCKJAW and we are tentantivly scheduling March 24 for a show with them and the Chicago debut of The Obscene Kiss.
I’ve also been working w/ Dan Layne on the MK ULTRA MAGAZINE website which I have officially purchased the domain for over the weekend and we have new art a new logo and a fun marketing campaign in the works for late spring.
Dave d’Eath of the legendary industrial band DESSAU fame has a new country band called Mars Hill and next Saturday will be introducing him to the manager of Horseshoe to book them as well.
I haven’t been excited about life this way in a long time. And thinking back to where I was a year ago and what circumstances my life was under, it’s no wonder I am here today, at a computer, talking to you about the rebirth of a subculture standard known as MK ULTRA. Over the years that I relinquished the name, everyone, right down to the MINISTRY camp still referred to it as MK ULTRA.
Believe me when I say, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet. I’m bursting with ideas.
Thanks to Bryan Schillo for taking my concept for the new Old typewriter logo concept I came up with and making it reality and to Dan Layne for using my concept of the Soviet imaging and working the MK ULTRA name into it. There will be more of this to come, so be looking for that.
Angelique Starr Rickhoff who last created for me the RevCo ad/postcard for the fundraiser and release party we did w/ RevCo in March of 2009 and I are discussing silkscreen art for T Shirts and more. So like I said, marketing is in the works and will be very much, IN YOUR FACE.
I have two review to write this evening as millions of everyone else are watching the Super Bowl or getting wasted at Super Bowl parties. Myself, I’m loaded on inspiration.
I have four days remaining of this stretch, Morgan Russell gets in from Denver late Thursday, and Jack Daniels is on the menu. Friday is my annual check up at the docs, Michelle from Mesa, Arizona arrives and then it’s me, Michelle, Morgan and Motorhead!
Saturday it’s Michelle and I in Chinatown, YIKES!
If I don’t see you Friday at the Aragon, and you’re in the region, I’ll see you Saturday night.

Michelle and AZ at the beach house Puerto Penasco Mexico around 2 AM or later

I spoke w/ V the founding father of Apocalypse Theater this morning and everything is in motion. The artwork will be out next weekend and full on promotion immediately following.
One of my favorite local acts are opening, w.o.r.m. and APOX together, on the same stage, on the same night for the first time in YEARS!
check them out: www.facebook.com/joinW.O.R.M
Also spoke w/ Chucky von Bierstein singer of Black Stone Ritual in Indianapolis regarding a mid May show at Horseshoe as well.
Stay stuned…..

I woke up this morning and one of the first things I heard on the radio after the weather was that Zalman King passed away. His name alone, synonymous with a handful of movies that inspired me as a man as far as my “habits” more than I am willing to admit. Some who know me in that manner need only watch one of his films and that familiar bell would ring as a hint, or dare I say reminder.
Many times I wonder if I would be who I’ve been since the late 80’s if not for films such as “Two Moon Junction”, “9 1/2 Weeks” and “Red Shoe Diaries” (movie not the series) the latter which was hardest of all for me to watch that cold winter afternoon in Columbus Ohio in late 1992 after DJing till 4 AM.

Mortality.
Which brings me to my Grandmother who late Thursday night suffered her second stroke in a decade, this more severe than the first. My thoughts are with her and my brother who is at her bedside in West Virginia. One week ago when I spoke to my brother I had mentioned how much I had been thinking about her and our grandfather who passed away around this time in 2009. If I believed in prayers I’d pray all day. My thoughts and love are all I can offer at this time.
Hello weekend.
I’ll be closing a deal today w/V Mercy of APOX (Apocalypse Theatre) regarding bringing his band back to Chicago for the first time since 2007 with their old label mates WORM at Horseshoe Chicago this coming Easter Weekend.
In addition I was just asked and committed to be a co host of the 1901 Gallery Sleep Over Horror Movie marathon on Feb 25. I’ll introduce and be showing 2 short films by Jim Vanbebber at 1130 PM.
I am going to try to put on a Russ Meyer triple Feature there in mid summer as long as I know they have reliable AC.
So MK ULTRA is coming back as an entity and rightfully so, online and in your face. I’ll be hosting monthly MK ULTRA Presents shows at Horseshoe Chicago starting next week with Sheriff Scabs and special guests Dana Lynn & The Dirty Creeps.
Thus I have a lot to get ready for. This weekend is dedicated to four things, getting the entire house in as perfect condition as possible for the home full of guests who begin arriving on Thursday night, watching movies, listening to the new Leonard Cohen which has had it’s songs in my head all week, and reviewing the new MINISTRY album.
And if my friend Shannon aka Raven Blasts drops by tomorrow I’m baking jalapeno cornbread.
Carpe Diem!

Monday I left work at 630 and still got to the Underground Wonder Bar at 710 N Clark St a lil too early for the Memorial to Steve Beshekas who I knew from the years I was a regular at Ranalli’s on Clark and he was the morning/day time manager. Pretty much everyone that worked there w/ the exception of the people I did not see that worked the phones were friend if not like family to me. Pretty much anyone that knew me, knew if they couldn’t reach me at home or the MK ULTRA office, I’d be at Ranalli’s. or when we hung out it’s where we went 90% of the time. When I did interviews w/ bands, or porn stars, I took them to Ranalli’s and when we shot the episode of the Showtime Reality show Family Business (Seymour Butts) it took place there.
Over the years Steve and I would talk about his friend ship and work w/ John Belushi who was a close friend of his. I was always amazed. Steve was older when I met him, in his late 50’s and I knew nothing nor did I suspect anything about him running a famous club, being known as the Prince of Wells Street, or his professional work in comedy with Belushi, Akroyd and the like.
In the early morning hours on the first Saturday of last November I heard on the radio that Steve Beshekas was the sole causality of an apartment building fire not far from me and I sent a quick text to a mutual friend Steve Franks who I knew was still close to Mr Beshekas. I followed a few hours later and called Steve, he looked into it and began notifying the people from Ranalli’s.
Posted 11/5/11 8:14 a.m.
CHICAGO (WLS) - An intoxicated 63-year-old man may have fallen asleep while smoking a cigarette before he burned to death in his Lake View apartment Friday night on the North Side.
Steve Beshekas, 63, of 540 W. Wellington Ave., died of thermal burns and smoke inhalation injuries from an apartment fire, according to the Cook County Medical Examiner’s office. A Sunday autopsy also listed alcohol intoxication as a cause of death, which was ruled an accident.
Police responded about 5:30 p.m. Friday to a call of smoke in the three-story, multi-unit apartment building, Town Hall District police Lt. Robert Stasch said. A preliminary investigation found Beshekas fell asleep while smoking. Beshekas was found on the floor near the front door of his apartment, where he lived alone, authorities said. “It appears he was trying to crawl out, but was overcome by smoke and flames,” Stasch said. Paramedics took Beshekas from his home to Advocate Illinois Masonic Medical Center, where he was pronounced dead at 6 p.m. Friday, authorities said.
Another person was taken to Illinois Masonic Medical Center in fair to serious condition, according to the fire department, which said the blaze was contained to one apartment. Nobody was displaced, Stasch said.
Belmont Area detectives and the Office of Fire Investigations are investigating.
The Sun-Times Media Wire contributed to this report.
Over the weeks to follow a celebration of his life was planned in Chicago into the New Year, by his friend, musician Pete Special and sister Dolly.
When I walked into the Underground Wonderbar I was awestruck by the blues based decor and the art work as well as how nicely the all female staff were dressed. For a Monday night in Chicago it reflected an ambiance of elegance, class with a dash of fun thrown in for that extra kick.
At the far end of the narrow but long room was a stage with a black grand piano. Original works of art, most of them hand-painted, and memorabilia covered the walls and at the entrance on a landing an n front of the large window facing Clark Street was a shrine to our fallen comrade Steve Beshekas. There were so many pictures of the man, young, and smiling with that hint of mischief and sparkle in his eyes./ I never knew Steve when he wasn’t silver haired and walking with a bit of a limp. But he always did flash that grin that we all knew hid many secrets. At least that is what I like to think.
The first familiar face I saw was that of Sue Ranalli and we exchanged hugs and pleasantries. As exhausted as I was I looked around more before noticing all of the food she had provided. It was like one of the spreads from the many birthday parties I held within the walls of Ranalli’s on Clark which was under Tower Records at Clark and Belden. I made a plate and sat and was then introduced to Steve’s sister Dolly who I had been communicating with over the weeks through email. She was very gracious and seemed as fun loving and friendly as her brother.
By 730 the bar was getting crowded mostly with former staff and regulars from Ranalli’s. For a moment all of us huddled at he middle of the bar it seemed like old days. Only we were all now a few years older and much in our lives had changed yet I was surprised to learn how many of us still lived in the same places as we did last we saw each other. By the 8 o’clock hour the place was overcrowded and me being exhausted and feeling claustrophobic made an exit a little after 8. As I left more and more Ranalli’s staffers were coming in. It was sweet but bittersweet given the circumstances of this reunion. The likes that the passing of one such as Steve Beshekas could bring.
In a nutshell it was a great feeling overall seeing so many old friends and I wish there was a way, to do something like this on an annual basis. And since it looks like I won;t be leaving Chicago anytime in the near future maybe in addition to getting back in the habit of promoting events and whoring out the MK ULTRA moniker, I can try to put an annual together. Time shall tell.
- az

John Belushi’s pal who ran secret Old Town club dies at 62
BY MAUREEN O’DONNELL Staff Reporter mdonnell@suntimes.com December 29, 2011 5:46PM
Steve Beshekas ran a clandestine club that was the hottest ticket in town — maybe the country.
He managed the Sneak Joint, an Old Town hangout for two big stars who were “on a mission from God” as they filmed a movie that showed Chicago in all its rustbelt glory.
After stocking the Sneak Joint with liquor and a great jukebox, John Belushi hired the gregarious Mr. Beshekas — whom he’d known since they were young men in Wheaton and Villa Park — to operate the private club for him and Dan Aykroyd.
After a long day of crashing cars, fighting Illinois Nazis and singin’ the blues, Belushi and Aykroyd, aka Joliet Jake and Elwood, wanted a place where they could let off steam from making the 1980 film “The Blues Brothers.”
You never knew who was going to walk into the joint near North and Wells. Jackson Browne, the Eagles, Robin Williams and the gang from Second City dropped by and hung out with Mr. Beshekas.
“He was at the epicenter of a lot of fun,” said Belushi’s widow, Judy Belushi Pisano. “Steve was one of John’s best friends.”
“People offered huge money to get in there,” said Second City and Saturday Night Live alum Tim Kazurinsky. “It was the least glamorous place you could imagine, but it became mythic.”
Mr. Beshekas knew how to be a great host. “Treat the stars like folks,” he’d say, “and the folks like stars.”
If Beshekas’ name sounds familiar, it may be because Belushi routinely dropped the name when he was roaring through Saturday Night Live as one of its original Not Ready for Prime Time Players. When Belushi had to introduce himself in a skit, he’d often say, “I’m Steve Beshekas.”
“Anytime he needed a name, he’d say ‘Steve Beshekas,’” said his sister, Dolly Beshekas Rada.
Mr. Beshekas, 62, died last month in a fire in his apartment in the 500 block of West Wellington. Authorities said it may have begun from his own cigarette, but his sisters say that couldn’t have been. After years of running clubs, Steve hated smoking, said Dolly and another sister, Cookie Beshekas Brandt.
A neighbor said Steve was safely outside, but ran back into his apartment to try to save his cat, Yoda. The cat survived the fire — barely — but had to be euthanized, Dolly Rada said.
Mr. Beshekas had always been an animal lover, Cookie said — the kid who freed the lightning bugs from the jar when the other kids weren’t looking; the boy who couldn’t shoot a deer on a hunting trip.
An autopsy showed Mr. Beshekas was intoxicated. His sisters said he sometimes drank more than they liked. He had trouble finding a job, they said, after the closure of the restaurant where he had been a manager, Ranalli’s on Clark.
“The recession was bad, and he says to me, ‘Who wants a 60-year-old bartender?’ ” Cookie recalled. “I think he drank a little bit too much, had a little bit too much free time on his hands.”
And after his friend Belushi died in 1982 of a drug overdose at the Chateau Marmont in Hollywood, Mr. Beshekas “was never the same,” Dolly said.
He told his sisters: “ ‘If I was there, he wouldn’t have died.’” Mr. Beshekas was a pallbearer at Belushi’s funeral.
Mr. Beshekas grew up in Villa Park and went to Willowbrook High School. He dabbled in theater and football, and hung out with teammate Tino Insana, a Belushi buddy who would go on to be a busy Hollywood voice actor.
With their Mediterranean and Orthodox backgrounds, Belushi and Beshekas hit it off, Cookie said. Mr. Beshekas, Belushi and Insana formed a comedy improv troupe, the West Compass Players. They visited the Urbana-Champaign area, where Judy studied at the University of Illinois. At one point, singer “Dan Fogelberg opened the show for them,” Pisano said.
When Belushi and Insana were accepted at Second City — and Beshekas was not — “he never begrudged them going on to better things,” Kazurinsky said.
And Belushi and Insana “never stopped being great pals to Steve,” Kazurinsky said. “He was really a gracious and fun guy. He always had a smile and a slap on the back for you.”
“He always wanted to be the host,” said Cookie. “Even going to the hardware store, if he didn’t make somebody laugh, he felt like he wasn’t living up to what he needed to do.”
Mr. Beshekas cut a commanding figure. His lush head of hair and luxurious moustache made him resemble “a Greek god,” his sisters said. “He had the long hair and the earring,” Dolly said, “and my dad’s freaking out — you know, an old Greek: ‘Get a haircut!’”
After the Sneak Joint, “We helped him get established in another place,” said Pisano. Mr. Beshekas opened U.S. Blues Bar at 1446 N. Wells.
Things went well for a time, his sisters said. The bar sported Blues Brothers memorabilia, including a car model that hung from the ceiling, said Pisano.
But his marriage broke up; the building sold. A new lease was hard to come by. “He was a good host,” Cookie said, “but not with paperwork.’’
Mr. Beshekas is also survived by a nephew and three nieces who will miss his practical jokes.
A celebration of his life is planned in Chicago in the New Year, said his friend, musician Pete Special.
Contributing: James Scalzitti

I look at this video and look back and realize even with so much testosterone at Casa Diablo on the first man B Que Meating of 2012 nothing was broken, or damaged, mess was limited to the porch where some spillage of grease, beer and sauces/condiments . The trash was taken out, pans and pots were soaked and all of the beer containers were off the premises before I even went to bed. Amazing when I think over the past year how much of my finer china and dinnerware had be busted and what could be salvaged had been glued back together being the items are imply irreplaceable. My wine bar, a casualty waiting to happen with all the men around didn’t even get bumped into, and most of those items are also irreplaceable.
Maybe life is more subdued and even bordering on boring sometimes as of late, but not having my property, my collection, my home and my own self disrespected is not something I will let happen once more within those walls as long as I live there.
Thanks to the men of Man B Que, and thanks to all of my guests past and present who understand why I have what I have and why it means so much, to me. Rock Stars and real Porn Stars have had the wildest times at Casa Diablo with no damage to anything other than what may have resulted in a hangover of sleep deprivation.

This was Joe’s first Man B Que event, now he’s a full fledged member

















Saturday morning, playing the new Leonard Cohen, “Old Ideas”. Though I reported on the album via NPR earlier in the week, thank you to Morgan for inspiring me to listen to it.
www.npr.org/2012/01/22/145340430/first-listen-leonard-cohen-old-ideas
Maybe it was beer, I don’t know. Maybe it’s the fact that I haven’t had any alcohol in my systems since New Years Eve, but after drinking beer at Man B Que Thursday night, which I hosted here at Casa Diablo, I felt raked over the coals all day at work yesterday, and though I recognize it had a lot to do with lack of sleep, it’s evident that I’m out of practice. And I’m not thinking that it’s a bad thing. I do believe I’ll allow the seasoned boozer take a back seat for awhile.
After 3 nights of getting my home ready for it’s first Man B Que Meating, including outdoor lighting, covering baking pans in tin foil, the purchase of a smaller table top charcoal grill, and getting the charcoal to ignite, and other smaller random details, I was ready. Since 2007 I have been hosting dinner parties and BBQ’s at my home but this was differently. Instead of 3-4 cooks which have typically been Dale, Bando, and myself and Ed Kowolski once, there would be about 2 dozen, and when they arrived, they arrived in packs and big numbers. Never did I ever have so many people in my house at one time, and that’s an understatement. There was barely any room to move on the deck or outside the deck in the stairwell and my kitchen was packed as well and that was to be expected. The aroma of the spices and meats that were cooking was something I wish was possible to bottle. I wish my kitchen was as pleasing to the scent of smell exactly in this manner more often. In a nutshell it proved to be very pleasing.

I bought a 12 of Tecate and my friend Joe matched it. Jesse one of the MBQ founding fathers brought a fine assortment of New Glarus ale. There were a lot of craft beers as well as some PBR which for some reason that escapes my understanding is preferred by some people though it has become adopted by filthy hipsters, and one thing I took notice of, I never recall seeing any Miller or Budweiser products at these events. Not a bad thing but I’d drink a Miller (not High Life) or Bud before PBQ, ever.
The judging of the best dish came before 10 PM and I had to drink from the Manly Cup, which was not anticipating but was not as bad as I had imagined. Michael “Magoober” McAllister took home the best recipe award with his homemade curry lemon sausage topped with homemade ginger slaw.
I was pleased when I got so much help in cleaning and Joe stayed a bit later and took out the trash. Rick “Thumbs” Linus and I hung out and watched some things on DVD before he left and I went to sleep. When the alarm woke me I felt like Billy Bob Thornton in Bad Santa and then I was off to work.
I did my best to dress warm but didn’t clean up my hiking shoes which I wore and just threw on oversized HBO sweatshirt and jeans. Lucky for me the office goes casual on Friday. But as luck would have it, I was surrounded by beautiful Chicago business women on the commute and feel like I was being sized up. That was most likely paranoia and guilt.

How I used to live life drinking as much as did did over the past two years is a mystery to me. I’ve learned several things over the first few weeks of the new year and one is how good and energetic I do feel when I go on long sober binges, a practice which I intend to indulge more into as we move into the thaw.
Last night I was in bed at 930 and fell fast to sleep, woke up only 3 x to urinate, and got out of bed at 8 AM. I feel amazing.
Today is the real test. My dear friend Lula who I haven’t spent quality time with the last few years is coming over and I do believe Bryan is as well. I have a bottle of vodka and B has some burgers and beer and when I wake tomorrow I’ll discover if I need to cut out celebrating on the weekend.
But before that it’s laundry day and I have to pick up the bed for the guest room and then that goal is compete and I can scratch it off my to do list.
Thanks to my Man B Que brothers for another great night and to Adam Palmer for the great native American Taco meat he left for me which I am having for brekfast along with V8 something new I’ve added to my daily routine. 2012, is about health for AZ.
Carpe Diem