Take my hand. You’ll never find another quite like it. And if you did, you’ll see that I’m a lonely one. The sun don’t shine. The wind won’t blow when you go hide. Without your love I’m lonely deep inside.

The albums title and theme were directly influenced by Eric Fromm’s book Escape From Freedom, which had presented the same theory, that people would rather be told what to do than think for themselves.
- on DEVO’s album “Freedom of Choice”

You wear those eyes that never blink. You always were the missing link.

You paint your mouth, you let me know. You really are the only show.

You got that walk, you do the stroll. You make me lose my ground control.

You got that look I can’t resist. Like something missing, never kissed.

You do the pogo without the bounce. You got the name I can’t pronounce.

You fall in love you like the sting. You make believe it’s everything.

My little China girl, you shouldn’t mess with me. I’ll ruin everything you are. You know it. I’ll give you television, I’ll give you eyes of blue, I’ll give you a man who wants to rule the world.

Alex Zander
Looks like the trip was a success. I thought of you both after that train derailed yesterday. Glad you’re home safe and sound. Thanks for the Taiwan Ass pic. THAT WAS SO FUNNY. Took me 1/2 a minute and I was laughing . I’m working back again doing research. I was here 6 months earlier this year. Its on a per contract basis so length remains to be seen but I really love working here and the view is the best I’ve ever has in all of my years in corporate here. Miss you both!

Rona Rougeheart
Yeah that train derailment was the day we left. Scary bc we did take some rails while we were there. Aw we miss you too! Glad I got the Taiwan Ass pic bc we were in a cab. Hilarious! We were just at the right angle where the rest of “association” wasn’t showing of course I thought of you! glad to hear things are going well for you! Hope we get to see you again soon!

Alex Zander
Thats even more funny that you shot it from an angle to capture ass. I sooo appreciate the thought and effort. I wonder if you were laughing. Funny that my friends though it was a pic of scooters. Asian Ass nothing like it.

Rona Rougeheart
Hahaha you know it I did laugh and told Curse I had to get the photo for you. The cab was at the right angle where the rest of the word was covered up and I just happen to catch it. We were stopped at a light.

Rona Rougheart of SINE

Well she grabbed my hair and I began to rise I could tell what she wanted by that look in her eyes. I said “Come here babe and make it quick”. She said “Not so fast” and she had a drink.


Train train take me on to downtown (Red Line)

Honey I’m home

Good morning from the 27th floor 730AM

Brown Line 

Screw you guys I’m going home (Brown Line)

I find it a lot easier to be inspired to write from infatuation than I do the heart anymore. Every time I write from the heart I end of regretting it. More often than not I give it to someone that doesn’t deserve it. But I’ve made more poor choices than wise choices as I’m a sucker for a woman with “spirit”. I can write a song in 10 minutes when it comes from infatuation without even needing to re think the words. 

June Bug

“then she bared herself
and stripped my soul
began to shake, rattle, and roll
and then she took control”

“Looks So Good”

- Alex Zander

the b-side of “Red Head on the Red Line Blues”


I met this lil lady from Kansas City

Good freaking lord she’s so goddamn pretty

She crowds my mind with her porcelain face

She makes me mess all over the place


She looks so good

She looks so fine

She looks so good

baby baby be mine


Oh yeah She looks so good

She looks so fine

She looks so good

baby baby baby baby be mine


Porn star quality raccoon eyes

Ohh they make me feel so hypnotized

Yeah when she quakes and she shakes

You oughta hear the all the noises she makes


She looks so good

She looks so fine

She looks so good

baby baby be mine


Oh yeah She looks so good

She looks so fine

She looks so good

baby baby baby baby be mine


The lil girl she’s got me out of control

she makes me rock yeah she makes me roll

always driving me out of my mind

I wanna make her mine all mine ohhhh


She looks so good

She looks so fine

She looks so good

baby baby be mine


Oh yeah She looks so good

She looks so fine

She looks so good

baby baby baby baby be mine

Talked with Nick Huffman after work last night. It was a long over due conversation. Truth be told  there haven’t been many people I’ve really wanted to talk with over the past month or so. Most of them force themselves on me. All women, go figure. But it’s all in love and I could not have made it through the last couple of very long lonely months without their persistence and generosity. More than what I can say about most people. So back to Nick, we’re working on my birthday show w/ Electric Revolution which will be the second band from Kenosha WI I’ve worked with that has the word “Electric” in their band name. I can’t wait to get out of the city and into the comforts of that hotel and it’s amenities again and spend a late night in my favorite bar in the lower 48. Adrian is going and I’m inviting Amanda to tag along with Cassie. 

I slept great last night. It felt good to be back at work and feel a sense of purpose and I now have the roommate situation figured out. Finally a decent human being and from Iowa of all places. I finally feel like I can actually move on with my life again. Doors of all kinds are starting to open up around me, again.  

And while I’m giving credit where credit is due I have to applaud the one I once affectionately referred to as Sylvie B. I’m in a complete different place than I was 2 weeks ago for sure. And it’s a much better place. 

Greg The Drunken Duncan on  a Thursday night pop in playing my bass Sylvie B

This one was for my muse

The ominous clouds in eastern sky at dusk Saturday 10/20/18 they were much darker than the resolution represented in this image shot from my back porch.

Adrian rocks the Loony Bin solo

Adrian Holman
12:20 AM
to me
Yeah, Selena was working that night, black with a bunch of tattoos. She’s hot. Oh yeah, I can meet you at the train station on Saturday, just let me know the time to be there. Your greatest breakthrough always comes after your toughest test in life. Power through until the 15th because that will be one of the best times ever.
Adrian Holman
Sun, Oct 21, 10:43 AM
to me
Hello Alex,

I finally have a day to write before prepping for Halloween parties next weekend. I hope that you are feeling better because a lot of people were looking for you at the LA Guns concert, which was phenomenal as usual. Eden Eve was doing photography, and she looked so stunning. I met your friend Jason, who is a boss. He had front row access with his girlfriend along the side of the stage. Also, Nick and Barney were there from the Looney Bin, and Nick gave me a free ticket to see Tantric last night, which is how I met Emily. You were right about her – she rocks! Also, Nick upgraded on the bartenders so Dec. 15th will be extra nice.

I had a few females there at the LA Guns concert so you could have met them. Since a lot of people have moved from Cicero to Plainfield over the past 15 years, the MILF’s in the area has been bolstered immensely in that 40′s range. It’s tremendous. I’m thinking that P.O.D. and Ministry are supposed to be at the Forge back to back nights in late November, so I will be there unless overtime is mandatory. However, I will get the 15th off for sure.

I don’t wanna end like this. But the sting in the way you kiss me. Something within your eyes said it could be the last time. ‘Fore it’s over. Just wanna be, wanna bewitch you in the moonlight

“absence makes the heart go wander”

This is what a chronic insomniacs bed looks like when he finally gives up and gets up

Rona and Curse are in Taiwan visiting her parents and she sent and tagged me in this image she took last night with the note “thinking of you” .

Above 2 yrs ago to the date!

Garbage Setlist 10./17/20/18 at Riviera Theatre, Chicago, IL, USA

Temptation Waits
Wicked Ways
The World Is Not Enough
13x Forever
Get Busy With the Fizzy
Hammering in My Head
Can’t Seem to Make You Mine
I Thiik I’m Paranoid
Sleep Together
Soldier Through This
Lick the Pavement
Push It
When I Grow Up
You Look So Fine

The Trick Is to Keep Breathing
No Horses
Cherry Lips (Go Baby Go!)

Who knows, well I don’t care, ’cause I don’t fit in anywhere, But it’s all right, yes it is all right. Well, I’m numb but that’s my style, I’ve been numb for a little while

Gauge w/ Greg Miner and I at Embassy Suites Rosemont just because I mentioned her yesterday
Riddle: “I can sneak up on you or be right in front of you without you knowing. But when I reveal myself you will never be the same.”
Answer: Betrayal

Riddle: “I can’t be bought, but I can be stolen with a glance. I’m worthless to one, but priceless to two.”


Answer: Love


Now like a bird
She flew away
To chase her dream
Of books and praise
Still I miss her
Yeah I miss her
Since she’s gone
Who played the fool?
Self pity sick
Jet fuel perfume
Still I miss her
Yeah I miss her
Since she’s gone


I fucking swear, if there’s one goddamned thing that pisses me off more than anything else is getting BLOWN OFF!

I never thought that back in my days as a freelance writer that I’d be grateful for having an interview rejected by 3 Pittsburgh based rags. This is the record that inspired the creation of MK ULTRA and special thanks to Justin Devlin for turning me onto it 25 years ago.


I haven’t been on here for 13 days but its been a stressful 13 days which included a vengeful attack on my PC which resulted in a virus that prevented me from getting online thank to Bill aka Vas O Agnostos for coming to my aid in a time of need only 2 days ago.I also ended up in the hospital, again, for doing something stupid. 

So here we are:

I had to cancel on Christine for seeing LA GUNS as I’ve been to sick. She was on her way but I had to bail. Not getting and sleep and cold with hot flashes  and cold sweats plus the apartment is so damned cold right now. I was on the guest list and missed a lot of my good rock n roll friends. I very badly wanted to go but had to bail on the event. 

Alex Zander, look who I found!!

After being sick for 3 days and minimal sleep and no food I’m finally feeling human and working hard to find a roommate ASAP. I had lunch w/ Tom at Tac Quick and had some great Tom Yum soup which always has been a remedy for a cold this bad.

Miranda Wattles sent this to me from Mexico

Wrigleyville North on what became a night from HELL

Union Station on what would come to be a night from HELL

An old friend from Missouri returns after disappearing for years. 

More to come. 


More later

Ah you loved me as a loser, but now you’re worried that I just might win. You know the way to stop me, but you don’t have the discipline. How many nights I prayed for this, to let my work begin…

My first ride since 9/14 and the waters are devoid of boats and the beaches of bodies. It’s desolate as everything thing is packed up for the season except for The Dock at Montrose which was still open for business. All of the Elotes vendors and bike rentals are gone. What a difference two weeks makes. It’s so vacant on the trails now except for the joggers and people exercising.There were asphalt trucks out all the way from Montrose to Belmont, the new trails are almost done. Some parts are as wide as a street and the others divided into two paths one for peds one for wheels.

Summers gone and so is a big part of me. 

Severe weather is moving into the Chicago area this afternoon. A Severe Thunderstorm Warning has been issued for Cook, Lake, McHenry, Kane, DuPage, Kendall, LaSalle and Will counties. Heavy rains and hail are expected.  70 mph wind gusts are possible.

Feel so restless, I am,
Beat my head against a pole
Try to knock some sense,
down in my bones.
And even though they don’t show,
The scars aren’t so old
And when they go,
They let you know

You can’t put your arms around a memory….but I’ll try.

The first person who sent me this quote ever was Jared Louche of Chemlab. I never realized it was a Queen Victoria quote

Tracii Guns May 8, 2016 The Looney Bin – Bradley IL
L.A. GUNS July 6, 2017 The Arcada – St. Charles IL
L.A. GUNS July 25 2017 The Forge – Joliet IL
L.A. GUNS October 28, 2017 Big Shots – Valparaiso IN
L.A. GUNS June 1, 2018 The Dock – Rockford IL
L.A. GUNS Oct 11 2018 The Forge – Joliet IL


Tomorrow a new chapter begins for a temporary stretch but at least a lot of stress has come off for the time being . maybe at the least I’ll make a friend out of it. I hope. Plotting the balance of my year. A couple of night trips and a grand finale for my birthday  at the Looney Bin.. again. Bad Santa and Marcus return home. I’m gonna bring presents again this year.

As if this place isn’t one of my favorite hotels to revisit semi annually last year they added a full bar in the lobby where Adrian and I were a hit. 

Why did I dream about Kaylani Lei last night? I haven’t seen her in 3 years and voila it was like she was right there talking to me again. I’m haunted with the memories of 3x telling her she was the most beautiful woman in my eyes. At least she didn’t make me feel like a fool at the time (s). 

I’m concerned about my partner in crime down in Red Stick and feel the need to visit him at the top of next year. Another friend with a health scare as if I haven’t had enough of that to lat me a lifetime. 

Steve Franks stopped by last night. It seems like most of our conversation was regarding the insane state of politics and divide in our country along with how absolutely absurd politically correctness has come to dictate the way we express ourselves. It really made me miss the Ranalli’s days. 

Watercat Anny on a chilly lazy Thursday afternoon. 

The new high rise that is almost finished at 750 and 810 W. Montrose at the corners of Montrose and Clarendon wwill deliver 381 apartments, a 31,000-square-foot grocery store, 278 indoor parking spaces, and a renovation of the Clarendon Park field house.

Montrose Beach Pier Thursday afternoon 9/27/2018 69 degrees and the number goes wasted yet again. 

Thanks to Dawn, Brad and Miranda my Xmas trip is booked and paid for as an early birthday present. Its Brads birthday too. 

This felt good to see. LOUD RADIO posted this on Facebook this evening. It feels great to be remembered and I feel like I’m seeing the light at the end of this long dark tunnel today. Carpe Diem!

It’s darkest on the night when you’re blind to all you sow. Go on and make your play, but know I’ve buried more than bones

 “I sit here all alone with a coffeecup built for two.. Isit here all alone again and again and again and again,,,and im still waiting and waiting and waiting & hoping while im simply being forgotten……” - Franke Nicholas Nardiello aka Groovy Mann of Thrill Kill Kult 9/23/2018 822AM Los Angeles CA (the second rock star that ever sent me a physical letter in the mail. Friends to this day)

How can it be this spoiled brat cat is not even a year old yet? This is Anny the Watercat when I got her.

Working with Electric Revolutions drummer Billie Pulera who also shares my birthday and Nick Huffman to book a birthday show Dec. 15th in Bradley at The Looney Bin, my 3rd in 3 years. Adrian and I will revive the Bad Santa bit and I look forward to the stay at the hotel there in Bourbonnais which I have come to love the comforts and amenities of. 

I met the band after they opened for Frank DiMino and Punky Meadows of ANGEL a couple of months ago. We really hit it off. 

Here is a link to one of their new songs “Cookie Jar” that I was privileged enough to hear prior to its release. 


With Nick Huffman and Adrian Homan December 2017

By accident I recently discovered SCREW TV via my ROKU and was delighted to see all of the retro propaganda and clips exploitation from the 1970′s Sexplosion era. The newer content of Millennial era girlie videos are of no interest to me whatsoever but some kids somewhere will surely get their kicks. 

The Official Channel of SCREW – the Second Oldest Name in Visual Entertainment (and Enjoyment) for Men.

Screw was a weekly pornographic tabloid newspaper published in the United States aimed at heterosexual men; according to a statement on the cover, it offered “Jerk-Off Entertainment for Men”. It was first published in November 1968 by Al Goldstein and Jim Buckley (who edited the short-lived “sister” tabloid Gay), and was printed weekly in tabloid form. At its peak, Screw sold 140,000 copies a week. Founder Al Goldstein won a series of nationally significant court cases addressing obscenity.


Weird that when Ashley and I see Garbage next month it’ll have been 3 yrs to the date since I last saw them on their Full Debut Album on ’20 Years of Queer’ Tour. Life is so different especially considering who I took to that show. 

I had been thinking that I received a press kit from LA GUNS old label polydor/PolyGram back in 1991 when I was still just a fledgling free lance writer and how much I loved their “Hollywood Vampires” album and image of that era. So I pulled a an overloaded heavy 80 lb.ish box out of my storage archives and the photo folder for bands with the letter “L” and lo and behold there it was. I’m gonna ask Phil and Tracii to sign it in a couple of weeks. 

Via Instagram and a few other means I took the latter half of last week to remind the world that MK is still here and of who I am and I’m not going away anytime soon. It’s time to also remind myself of who I am and not let the current state of things to let me lose sight of that. Early in life I decided not do things by the book, the easy way or take the path of least resistance and because I’m not content with living the “Average Joe” life once in awhile stumble. (an fall as I did a week ago this morning) I couldn’t live with myself any other way.



Word of Wisdom From My Brother

“There’s two types of people in this country that doesn’t get along: our type and THAT type.”

“They must believe they are the best. And non-conformity threatens them because they don’t want to confront the reality of being incapable of thinking outside their box.”