It’s another lonely evening and another lonely town. But I ain’t too young to worry and I ain’t too old to cry, when a woman gets me down. Got another empty bottle and another empty bed. Ain’t too young to admit it and I’m not too old to lie. I’m just another empty head.

The new LA GUNS song made me think about how much I’m going to miss seeing them this year. I had at least 2 shows planned and the first being in July at a town fest in the far suburb of Streator and then again at the Arcada in St Charles. It’d also give me a couple of visits with Bob “Newbomb Turk” Hoeksema. I love seeing that band with him and LA GUNS are always a very good time.

By accident I discovered a movie I very much enjoyed titles Mermaid Down. It was a horror/fantasy with a production cost of only $85K. I absolutely loved the film. I had the Gordon/Yuzna Spanish film Dagon based on the HP Lovecraft short story saved in my Tubi Queue for months so I thought I’d watch it Thursday, When I went to access it I found that it was now only available per pay.

A mermaid is ripped from the Pacific, her tail is chopped off and she’s thrown into a mental home where no one believes she is a mermaid.

Thursday after another very busy work day I discovered I wasn’t going to be watching Dagon and I tried the new HBO Natalie Wood doc and it couldn’t hold my attention so I channel surfed and finally said “fuck it” and went to HULU to watch South Park and as luck would have it I stumbled up on a series I had not heard of titles Siren.

The coastal town of Bristol Cove, Washington, known for its legends of once being home to mermaids and mermen for centuries, is turned upside down when a mysterious young woman (Eline Powell) appears and begins wreaking havoc upon the small fishing town to look for her captured older sister (Sibongile Mlambo) who was abducted at the hands of the local military. Marine biologists Ben (Alex Roe) and Maddie (Fola Evans-Akingbola) work together to find out who and what drove this primal hunter of the deep sea to land.

These finds are all good and well considering I’m a man who has a mermaid shower curtain in his bathroom.

Street vampires in the night, young lovers and love at first sight. This is my flesh and my fantasy. Older women with younger men, I’ve got a feelin’ I’m in trouble again, but I’ve got to live my destiny.

Last week marked the 1 year anniversary of the MKULTRASOUND PodCast and even though development has slowed down considerably and Yvette being ill for over a week now the show does go on. I’ve also been extremely busy with work so my weekdays just blend one into the other. 

I was over thrilled to see that El Palmar is open again or delivery and pick up and am anxious to give them some business soon. 

With the last of my Italian meatballs I made a grilled  meatball mozzarella with onions and Franks Red Hot Buffalo sauce on whole wheat. It wasn’t bad and I’m getting sick of cleaning my kitchen. 

Friday I ordered 2 Gyros from Byron’s and was in shock to how fat they made them for me. They were the equivalent of what a double meat Gyro usually is. Its the first time they did it for me like that and I’m not complaining. I walked to Jungle Jewel after work and grabbed a few things and a bottle of Jim Beam Devils Cut as I wound down Friday night finishing the final episode of Boardwalk Empire.

Saturday morning I got up and made a Mexi breakfast and then dragged my large suitcase filled with a month of laundry to WASH U COIN LAUNDRY which was a little over a mile each way. It was beautiful out and I didn’t mind the walk and was overjoyed when I saw they only let 10 people in at a time. If you follow me on social media you know how much it perturbs me when someone almost every time has to load their dirty clothes next to mine especially when its not crowded

When I was home and put it all away I took a 6 mile round trip ride to the Walmart Neighborhood Market for groceries. Sunday after knocking out another PodCast  I biked up to Edgewater Jewel to do the same. When I wasn’t running errands I sat on the back porch listening to music loudly, observing my new neighbors and sipping handmade margaritas. 

The it was Monday and cold and cloudy. Buzz Kill

4/19/2020: I am a wolf, a wild cur. Cut from the pack, with blood on my fur. Every howl marks a debt Cause a beaten dog, never forgets.

Another mundane weekend but we did manage to knock out another podcast with Yvette making the trek into the city.

My big event was Saturday talking a nice stroll through Buena Park up to Jungle Jewel to pick up some burgers (box of 6 1/3 lb sirloins) some sides and bread to BBQ for Yvette on Sunday. I hate that damned store but this time instead of self checkout I went through a line with an actual cashier. Since I brought my own bag I stuffed them myself which I normally do anyway. I was in no hurry and took my time. I noticed that the streets once littered with Cheetos bags are now littered with disposable rubber gloves.

When I unpacked I made another trip to Alta Vista and then to Walgreens for some ice. I came home made a drink and began scripting the next days podcast with Yvette and Ilker. Once that was done it was time for my evening ritual of watching AHS 1984 and Boardwalk Empire while intermittently watching YouTube clips. I got stuck on the show Yvette and I did with Ania back on the 15th of March the day before everything as we know it went to pandemic hell. I had fun watching and shared it with some friends from around the globe who may not have seen it.

My face mask delivery detained

Yvette arrived just before 12 noon and we had a quick meeting. It had already been a long day for me and I was worn out as I set up the video camera and set the levels to make the call to Ilker in Baltimore. It was a good show with a really great flow. Not long after Yvette left from doing the show I had finished uploading all of the files to send to Cassie for the YouTube edit, which is a pain in the ass and I really miss her working directly on the show. I looked outside and notice people lined up and down both sides of my street about 6 ft apart. It was freaky and initially reminded me of the scenes from John Carpenters Prince of Darkness where a growing group of homeless people gather at the edges of the church (led by Alice Cooper). I took a few shots and when I realized they all had card I figured it was a line for a food bank and though it was Lakeview Pantrys new COPVID-19 location at Wrigley Field. The next day I learned I was wrong.

From Uptown Update:

The Greater Chicago Food Depository and St. Mary of the Lake (4200 North Sheridan) are teaming up to provide some emergency food relief to families who have been hardest hit by the pandemic.

Beginning today, and each Sunday as long as the pandemic lasts, a 30-pound box of food will be distributed to each person or family who needs it, beginning at 3pm.

There is a very long line of people that has formed along both sides of Kenmore.

St. Mary has provided videos in both Spanish and English to explain how the process works.

Social distancing and wearing a mask are important, and it is asked that each family send only one person (one who is able to handle a 30-pound box of food by him/herself) to stand in line.

Закрой свой гребаный рот, ты просто чертовски плотный Если ты ненавидишь меня, почему ты говоришь? Ты не имеешь никакого смысла Получил грустную жизнь, грустную жизнь, иди в гребаный ад Ты тупой или инвалид, я не могу сказать, черт возьми

The first person who saw me when I walked out the back door said “You look like, you look like KISS.” I didn’t but I wanted to say with muffled breath, “I haven’t ever heard that before.”

It’s Thursday and another really rough week is behind me. After I learned my father passed and that none of the family can get together for a memorial for months I spend days talking with old friends and family members from afar. Our fathers wife Pamela had him cremated and there are plans for a memorial but that’s way off. As of now its looking like this quarantine is going into may and maybe longer. Festivals all around the world are being cancelled as our the precious street/neighborhood fests of Chicago. I was unable to work Wed-Fri as there was just too much to deal with. That doesn’t prevent some people from being heartless as it doesn’t affect them. My co workers understand.

Sunday we tried to do a show but my performance failed miserably. I wasn’t in the mood and to top things off the fact that I had bought food to BBQ and fix for Yvette and Mark and that a water pipe in my building burst, the water was shut off all afternoon and I was unable to wash dishes. Ilker and Yvette will return this weekend and we have some things to discuss and some cool music to share.

I still hadn’t had any good sleep and my diet has been shitty as I’m getting zero exercise and am eating frozen/processed foods loaded with sodium. I always say I eat better during the week when I’m working and commuting than I do when I’m home. I’ve decided that starting tonight I’m going to walk up into Uptown and back each night after work and on weekends. I’m gaining wait faster than I ever thought I could. 6 weeks into this lockdown.

Monday before I started work I had to walk down and get money orders to pay my taxes. Even though they’ve pushed the deadline back 90 days I just wanted to get it done. I have no idea what’s going on with the USPS but it’s always been more than lousy in my Zip Code which is why I don’t get most mail here. I’ve fought with the Post Office for years and they just fuck with my service after I complain.

I didn’t get a good night of sleep since the night before I heard that my father lost his fight with cancer. Last Tuesday night something didn’t feel right and neither me or my youngest brother could sleep so we were on the phone long after midnight. I hadn’t had trouble with sleep in over a month. This past Monday not even double dosing my sleep meds could help. Even though I was exhausted and had been for days. On Tuesday after a video conference with work a co worker Rebecca checked in with me about my father. It was nice that someone outside of the circle cared. That night I got the very best night of sleep that I’ve had in years. I woke up in the same position as I had laid down as. With my fat cat sleeping on my feet as she does most every night I even had pleasant dreams, The next day I was well rested and had an overwhelming workload and billed 9 hours and I’m doing the same today.

But that doesn’t keep those out to get me at bay. Oh no no ……

So my Soundcloud, Facebook, and website had all been attempted to be infiltrated in the days since my fathers death as if things couldn’t get worse. As I said some people are heartless. There’s this one “person” had commented on a pic I posted of Al Jourgensen mooning the camera backstage on the FILTH PIG Tour in 1996 when I initially began working with the band. She then proceeded to to through over 3,378 of my Instagram posts and reported them for “nudity”. Oh how the most moral people voice so loudly, and then I received a late night email from this person to an email address I haven’t used in years, taunting me.

I reported and flagged “nudity”. Cannot allowed on Instagram.
Please allow the nude buttock pics on Twitter only may contain “sensitive media”

The pic she originally commented on before reporting my images

Well we tracked her down and she’s supposedly 34 years old and lives in Sanford FL and seems obsessed with MINISTRY has she has hundreds of MINISTRY pix from Europe as well as shows where I’ve been over the past 25 yrs. She’s also into Disney, NBC, The Simpsons, Hello Kitty, Anime condom ads, Hustler cartoons and the Playboy Bunny logo.

The Stalkers profile on flickr
She went as far back as 8/22/2018 reporting cartoon images

So as of today that’s where things stand. I got GREAT news that Cassie is returning to her home and her puppy Pony and the show we do on Sunday should be on YouTube early next week.

For those of you who shared kind words, continue to check in and have been patient, thank you and much love. To the others… well you know.

I got the word at 509 AM via a text message from my son that after a long battle with cancer my father passed this morning. I wasn’t able to sleep last night as something just didn’t feel right and I was up for hours and talking to my brother about my father having a day or so left.

My love goes out to Nick, my brothers Aaron and Erik, my great cousins and Aunts and Uncles.

No fun to be alone. No fun to be alone. Now hang on, don’t you let me go. No fun to be alone. I said to be alone. I said to be alone. No fun.

Here I am “staying at home” as the Mayor and the Governor have demanded. I’m working but am stir crazy and have had no person to person contact since Sunday March 15 and then I was sick for about 10 days.

I left my block 3 x only in the last 3 weeks and there is no shortage of crazies on the CTA. Last week went to get my Rx refilled and the car I got onto people were abiding by the 6 ft “social distancing” rules. Except for a couple of black dudes blasting music while sitting across from each other shared a bottle of malt liquor with each other as a case of beer sat at their feet and the lit of a cigarette and began sharing that as well. One of the two ladies across from me exclaimed “AHH HAIL NO THEY SMOKING!” They got off at Belmont and onto the car in front of the car we were on. From that car I saw an older wild haired white guy naked from the waist down with his shirt unbuttoned dragging a wheel chair that held a garbage bag of clothes in it. I took the stairs down and thought about telling the two female CTA security who were also not practicing “social distancing” that he’d be coming off of the elevator. I decided against it figuring they’d see soon enough. I picked up my Rx at Wal Mart and walked back up to the CTA station where I saw his wheelchair out on the sidewalk with the bag of clothes still on the seat and no sign of the guy. I assumed he’d been arrested.

I left my block 2 other times and once was to do laundry and the second to pick up my tax returns from my mailbox which my new CPA had mailed to me.

Today is the first time I’ve been in a good mood in 3 wks and its partly due to the weather. Its almost noon and 69 degrees and my windows are open and the cats are outside on the porch. The last 2 weekends I’ve felt lethargic and uninspired. Overall depressed. This is not the time of year I like to be inside binge watching shows. But that’s exactly what I’ve been doing and am very depressed about it. Yesterday I cleaned my house dusting, sweeping the floors etc. I just haven’t had the energy to do it till now.

I want to ride my bike when I’m not working but cannot because of the people who wouldn’t heed the Mayors warning 2 weeks ago when it was last warm outside.

from WGN News

Chicago police ready to step up social distancing enforcement during warmer weather

The warmest day of the year is causing fears of a COVID-19 setback.

After a very dreary March, the warm temperatures Tuesday are likely to get people excited about going outside. But, city leaders are urging people to stay at home.

It’s been nearly two weeks now since Chicago shut down public spaces — like the lakefront, 606 trail, and parks — in an effort to keep people from congregating and spreading coronavirus.

So far in Illinois, there are 12,262 confirmed cases of the virus. Chicago alone accounts for more than 5,000 of those cases. The state provided a breakdown of the number of COVID-19 cases by zipcode, the greatest concentration coming from the north and south sides of Chicago.

The stay-at-home order aims to curb the number of new cases, and Chicago police said they will be out enforcing that.

Since the end of March, police officers have broken up more than 1500 groups in the city. They’ve issued several citations and made three arrests after people violated those orders.

At the daily briefing Monday, public health officials reminded people to stay home.

“Well we’re going to keep stepping up our enforcement efforts, and by and large people have been complying but we know that the parks continue to be an attraction. I want to be clear, people are not going out, and we want people to stay home, the issue is congregating, and that’s what we can’t tolerate,” Mayor Lori Lightfoot said.

In Illinois, 307 people have died as a result of COVID-19. 1/3 of those deaths have been residents of Chicago.

Maybe I’ll take a bike ride up to Aldi and Target later. I need something to break the monotony. Yvette and I plan to do a podcast tonight at 7 so I have a break in my after work day to possibly due so. Its straight up Kenmore.

Quote from an MK ULTRA Magazine interview with Kim Fowley 2002

What is your comment on organized religion?

“Yvette Lera should be the Pope of it We need Yvettte as the sexual female Jesus because if we worshiped her kind it would make more sense who may have been a god 2000 years ago. All the gods that are current are about 2000 years old and we normally use that to fill the void, so we must worship it. We need to worship Yvette Lera.”
– Kim Fowley

Sunday we’re planning on Yvette coming here and doing a show live with Ilker Yücel of ReGen Magazine who has been a big supporter of the show and we’re playing two of his songs that I’ve uploaded to the RodeCaster early this morning.

As soon as this shit is over and life can kinda get back to normal we’re having Joy Thieves on as previously planned and then I’ll get Medavon and Baldii from Lockjaw after. back to normal as if that might ever be possible.

Yeah, sugar sweet brainiac on your neck. Get in to tomorrow, man, I gotta reflect. A blue world, green girl up the street. Gotta wake her up ’cause I don’t want to dream. Blacken the sun. What have I done? I feel so bad, I feel so numb.

The living room has been updated and is a little more brighter than it used to be before the 12 yr old bleached out heavy curtains were replaced. I washed the old panels and am debating on putting them in the dining room/podcast studio.

Above is a frame from the music video Max Bravo and I were extras in for First Jason’s new single “Voorhees is the Name”

lyrics to the Revolting Cocks 2010 song “Dykes” which I played at the end of the latest podcast

My friends and I have a little secret I’ gonna share with you.
Free of charge.

If you’re thinkin about coming to Texas
You probably think you’re gonna see
yourself some rollin desert hills
cowboys, rodeos
We got that
But there’s somethin else we got
And here’s a little song about it

Box cut
Golden tooth
Box cut

Did you know at your Quinceanera
There’s nothing wrong with being a dyke
Who was the first one that you told?
There’s nothing wrong with being a dyke

Did you discover in college?
There’s nothing wrong with being a dyke
Is your box of toys your best friend?
There’s nothing wrong with being a dyke

Everybody loves a dyke

Box cut
Inked Arm
Box cut
Brown ring

 After 2 wks of having not left my block Saturday I ventured out to Lincoln Park to check my mail and got to Wal Mart Neighborhood Market. I swear I was in line longer than I was shopping because I didn’t want to use teh self service kiosks which also had long lines. The whole neighborhood retail businesses were desolate and store fronts that weren’t boarded up were empty to discourage looting. Nonetheless it was nice to go somewhere other than Walgreen’s and Alta Vista. When I got home I made lunch and a drink and flip flopped between new episodes of Ozark and my brothers suggestion HBO’s Boardwalk Empire which I really enjoy.

Sunday I had a noon podcast to prep for and then took a call in from Shushie Custer an old friend from 1989 and we reminisced about our days of working at a Lesbian Bar, Summit Station where I was a DJ and she bartender. It ended up being a huge hit w/ the old regulars who are scattered across the country and connected by social media. It was such a fun and simpler life back in those days.
I left after I uploaded the show to do  laundry. The laundromat was a bit more busy than I had hoped and I swear just like every time someone has to do their load right next to mine. This place must have 50 or so washers and maybe 75 dryers and even with the 6 ft social distance recommendation for the country there are people that just do not heed the warnings.
I called Cassie and we caught up and I updated her on the stresses and drama I’m currently enduring. I also commended her for being able to piece together the last show we did for YouTube which she wasn’t available to film but by luck the new video camera had arrived Brian Stoneman ran it with a single view. I sent the audio and video files along with pic and 3 music videos and even with her extremely slow internet service finally after 2 weeks the show was live on YouTube. The internet service at her families farm way out in the country is so weak that it took over 2 days just to download the video file. Her brother would use the local library internet for schoolwork but now even the libraries are shut down till further notice. 
On my way back from the library I walked to McDonald’s in Uptown at a corner I normally avoid. I saw a shooting there one morning around 10 AM some years back. I was craving the Daily Double sandwich which happens to be my fave and they only have it for a limited time occasionally. As I was riding the train home I got a message that ReGen Mag had posted a review of the show that Cassie had just put up. It was a killer review mostly about my new co host Yvette Lera. I got in the house ate a Daily Double with a glass of milk and shared the killer review. As I made a drink later to sit down and flip flop the same shows till bed time I saw the hits increasing of the Lesbo A Go Go MKULTRASOUND episode and enjoyed reading the girls commenting about it on Facebook. 

Lynn Miller ❤❤❤❤❤❤
Lynn Miller Omg…wow…Nancy Lee..Michael and Paula..Charlie Reed…Jean and Mo…Petie Brown…and omg….forgot about the bounced checks on the mirrors…thanks Karen Blazer for not putting mine up there!!!! 🤣🤣
Lynn Miller Shushie Custer….the Trolls….Dawn and Jackie!!
Lynn Miller Shushie Custer omg…those were the dayz!!!!
Shushie Custer Lynn Miller help me get this podcast to Laurel and Sherie!! Alex and I are going to do at least 2 more!! We have so much more to share!!
Lynn Miller Shushie Custer I will share it and tag Laurel Patrick…
Shushie Custer Lynn Miller Thanks honey!! 😘
Lynn Miller Forever a big part of my life as well Alex Zander!! ❤❤❤
Laurel Patrick Holy hell was it good to hear Alex and Shush’s voices. What a trip down memory lane! I blew the closet doors off the hinges in 89. I was 19. Born and raised in Jack’s! Some of the best friends I ever had ❤
Lynn Miller Laurel Patrick GOOD TIMES!!!
Laurel Patrick Oh my god! That’s awesome! Damn we had some fun!
Laurel Patrick The photos I have lolol!!
Lynn Miller Laurel Patrick Right???? The best days of my life!!!
Laurel Patrick Lynn Miller Absolutely!

 Today I’m back to work and hopefully tomorrow my Rx’s will be refilled and I can go back out of Lincoln Park again and at least get off this block again. Its starting to sound like we’re still on quarantine orders till May 1. I’m starving for some company. Of all the times to be single. 

Shriek the lips across a ragged tongue. Convulsing together sing violently. Move the jaw, cry aloud. Bound up the dead triumphantly.

Care package from Indiana of items sold out in my part of Chicago. Thanks to Dan and Miranda Wattles

March was set to be month all star industrial talent on the MKULTRASOUND PodCast. On Sunday the 15th we had Ania back on and the following week was to be her and other members of Joy Thieves on to talk about their awesome new video and single. The we were having 2 members of Lockjaw down from Milwaukee to close out the month and then April 6th I had an in person podcast scheduled with Lords of Acid another band that I have over 2 decades of history with. But shit hit the fan just 23 days before Ania was on. Mayor Lightfoot and Governor Flintstone held a Thursday afternoon press conference that put the fear into our states residents.

The next day we had a meeting at work and the plan was the following Mon-Thurs we’d be working from home. I had no idea how severely scared people were till I attempted t go to the store on my way home from work. That’s when I saw the terror first hand. Store shelves were cleaned out. Aldi looked like tornado had hit it. I left with only 6 items. I then went to Target and it wasn’t much better. I was in lines longer than I ever had in my life. Then it was off to Walgreen’s and Alta Vista where I was able to buy toilet paper. We’d manage as a people I thought. People are just overreacting. At dinner at El Palmar with Yvette Lera and Brian Stoneman after the podcast we got the word as we ate that the Governor ordered all bars and restaurants to shut down till further notice. Shit was getting real. By the time I woke up the next morning I wasn’t feeling so well. I thought it was just a sore throat that I normally get and my voice was down to a whisper. I asked to take the day off of work. As the day progressed I was feeling worse and worse by the hour.

It’s a particularly bad time for Yvette. So gung ho about moving back to Chicago and sitting in as my new co host her property hadn’t even arrived when the lock-down was ordered. Its sad to have had such a great show with her at my side to be sidelined and she can’t even look for work and nobody is interviewing.

Meanwhile I remained sick sweaty and was having hot and cold flashes and Wed morning the 18th the chair I had ordered fro Wayfair was dropped off on my front sidewalk. I rolled it into the lobby and the bottom fell out and out popped a very heavy close to 20 lb box I figured was fill of tools and parts to assemble the chair. I took the box apart and brought the chair up piece by piece. Then I realized the contents of the box wasn’t needed. I took a knife and cut it open without looking at the label. It was a box full of heavy ammunition like for a M-16. That’s when I noticed the box was addressed to someone in Iowa. I taped it back up, put a note on it and left it at the bottom of my stairs. I was heaving and out of breath from all of the trips up and down the stairs. I laid down for a few minutes and went back into my office and got back to work.

When I was able to work it was nice but I remained sick. The stores were all of out cold meds and EmerganC. I drank a bottle of Gatorade 3x a day.

I remained sick through the weekend and when I was able to watch TV I did. When I couldn’t focus due to anxiety I’d lay back down. By the beginning of the week I was feeling better and Dawn and Miranda Wattles sent me a box of cold medicine from Indiana. By Thursday I wa feeling 100%.

Meanwhile Cassie is staying with her parents way out in teh country and her internet service is so slow that she can’t upload the episode we filmed without her. Everything is a fucking mess. And people have proven what selfish self serving assholes they are.


Are you on a road to nowhere? Are you riding a train to Heaven or Hell? Are you in search of somewhere? Or something that rings true? Well it could be closer than you think, you think.

The set for the March 2020 MKULTRASOUND PodCast

So much going on and I’ll update after the next podcast or if I have time before. One thing I’m sure of is that I couldn’t be happier that EXXXOTICA got postponed till late July early August

Yvette Lera above who I got to see last Sunday for the first time in 13 yrs as she’s been living on the east coast will be sitting in as co host and we’ll see how well she fits in. I’m certain she’s the perfect sidekick as she always fires on all cylinders. Her and her friend Shawn came by and we sat outside and I cooked cheese burgers.

Ania Tarnowska aka I YA TOYAH is our guest of honor this week and we I have a few surprises up my sleeves for this episode.