“If you're going to try, go all the way. Otherwise, don't even start. This could mean losing girlfriends, wives, relatives and maybe even your mind. It could mean not eating for three or four days. It could mean freezing on a park bench. It could mean jail. It could mean derision. It could mean mockery–isolation. Isolation is the gift. All the others are a test of your endurance, of how much you really want to do it. And, you'll do it, despite rejection and the worst odds. And it will be better than anything else you can imagine. If you're going to try, go all the way. There is no other feeling like that. You will be alone with the gods, and the nights will flame with fire. You will ride life straight to perfect laughter. It's the only good fight there is.” ― Charles Bukowski, Factotum
Cheap Trick – Need Your Love – Tacoma 03/28/10
Alex Zander I am PSYCHED to see them do this song again after all these years. Not for ADD peeps or those w/ short attentions span.
Victoria Manson: i heard a version of “want u to want me” today that was utter crap! it was bubblegum lite, i swear, all happy & shit & it was Cheap Trick! i thought WTF? anyway, that was my Cheap Trick experience for the day & i saw this so i thought i’d share.
9 hours ago ·
Alex Zander: For the record I feel the same way about I Want You to Want me and Surrender as I do KISS doing RnR All Night. Though I never want to see KISS live again, when Cheap Trick plays every time I see them its a new set. Indeed they are bubble gum songs and we live in a country where cookie cutter is what the mainstream majority wants. CT have an amazing library of tunes, and all of them are much better than those songs The Flame included. Most of Cheap Tricks songs are intense and powerful with a great vox out front and 2 of the best stringmen in rock out there w/ him. Peterson invented the 12 string bass and nothing else sounds like it. This song is about stalkers so you should like it. Gonna Raise Hell is about Jim Jones and Heaven Tonight is about heroin. These guys are master composers and not all about shining up old brown shoes and throwing KISS records out.
Robert J West Thompson Great ass song…..Need your love…..They are going to raise HELL!
Robert J West Thompson Very Beatle- esque !!!
Bill Frantz The studio “Want U to Want Me” is the more bubble-gummy one. The good one is the live one.
Alex Zander I have a raw version from the boxed set that was never released which is actually palatable.
Hard to believe this photo was taken 10 years ago next week!
As I was preparing to get one final good night of sleep before I set the demons free tomorrow evening, I kept getting more and more confirmed guests via their RSVP to the BIG ASS BBQ. I think this will be one of those events that’ll mirror some of those old MK ULTRA shows. However, this is not a show, it’s a gathering, a true Feast of Friends and I couldn’t imagine a cooler group of friends.
Such was the level of excitment that I had to call Dale and ask him to bring his Weber grill to set up next to my big gas grill. If you’ve never been treated to one of these you really don’t know what you’re missing. It’s moments like this that I live for.
Any moment now I expect to hear if some very special guests are flying in from across the country. This will make an already stellar event even better.
The magic of the moon is with me. I feel her. She was so big and bright last night and it made me happy.
I’ve been saying for a couple of weeks, it’s going to be a great summer.
“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life…You give them a piece of you. They didn’t ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like ” Maybe we should be just friends ” turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It’s a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”
– Neil Gaiman
I’ve been on my very best behavior the last 2 weeks and busting my rump working with thy nose to the grindstone. The beast is stirring and I have no idea, and no plan for the weekend, but I feel a strong desire to have so much fun that it stops just short of incarceration.
Thus, I shall pick up 2 new wheels, plant my Garden of Evel, and indulge is some eye watering, tongue tantalizing BBQ. I think I may hear my old haunt The Horseshoe up on N Lincoln calling. Anybody game?
September sun, rotted flatbush porch
I would have run then, had I known the cost
Autumnal rays turned your eyes to stone
Did it give you pleasure to steal my soul?
Somehow this remains to be the only Type O song I can listen to since Peter passed away 2 weeks ago today. All of the people that say they went and played their favorites albums certainly possess someting I do not. Ever since that night this song has been imbedded in my skull.
I am fucking looking forward to May.
69 and then some….
It’s been so long since I’ve done one of these and it’s nice to do so right before I kick off my work day. Thanks to Ariel for the Q’s and that tall busty woman in Dallas TX named Valerie for the re-inspiration.
1. The phone rings; who do you want it to be? Publishers Clearing House
2. When shopping at the grocery store, do you return your cart? No, I walk around Chi w. it. It is my home.
3. In a social setting, are you more of a talker or a listener? Both as long as it’s interesting.
4. Do you take compliments well? As good as a cynic can. I feel when I’m handed a compliment, it’s from someone who wants something.
5. Do you play Sudoku?never
6. If abandoned alone in the wilderness, would you survive? Of course. I have thus far.
7. Do you like to ride horses? I last rode a horse in 1998, and that was the first time since I showed horse in my youth. I believe when I move south I’ll be riding again.
8. Did you ever go to camp as a kid? Camping is my #1 favorite pastime. And I do a lot of it as an adult.
9. What was your favorite game as a kid? Staying dry in the basement.
10. If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was married, would you go for it?That’s where I draw the line. There is absolutely nothing more repulsive to me than infidelity. If you can’t keep your word to yourself, then who can trust you?
11. Have you lied to get out of a date? Nope. I’ve told the truth and that didn’t even go over very well. Fuck dating, it’s prostitution ultimately.
12. Could you date someone with different religious beliefs than you? Many times I have no choice.
13. Do you like to pursue or be pursued? neither, I don’t play the game, sorry.
14. Use three words to describe yourself? rock and roll
15. Do any songs make you cry? I nearly broke down at the Leonard Cohen concert, during the first half.
16. Are you continuing your education? I try to learn something new every day. I read a lot.
17. Do you know how to shoot a gun? yes. I can pop a cap in yo ass
18. If your house was on fire, what would be the first thing you grabbed? My Johnny Cash autographed box set. And then the porn.
19. How often do you read books? All of the time. I love books.
20. Do you think more about the past, present or future? The past being that I’m working on my book.
21. What is your favorite children’s book? Hustler
22. What color are your eyes? dark as the inside of a tomb
23. How tall are you? just shy of 6 ft
24. Where is your dream house located? Sedona
25. Do you have a secret fetish? It’s not a secret.
26. Have you tried sushi? Love it. Can’t get enough.
27. Have you ever taken pictures in a photo booth? Holiday Club w/ porn star Katrina Kraven and with 4 hotties from Indy.
28. When was the last time you were at Olive Garden? In Pittsburgh around 1993
29. When was the last time you were at Church? Jeff W’s wedding.
30. Where was the furthest place you traveled today? On my deck
31. What was your favorite job? 625 N Michigan
32. Do you like mustard? Only good mustard, and I love it. I do not ever use that “yellow” mustard. I had to at Newbombs place last year. Next time I’m gifting him w/ the good stuff.
33. Do you prefer to sleep or eat? sleep n eat were the two minstrel guys on Bamboozled, a great movie.
34. Do you look like your mom or dad? both I wish not so much the latter
35. How long does it take you in the shower? Depends on if I have company.
36. Can you do the splits? No
37. What movie do you want to see right now? Rum Diary
38. If you could fast forward your life, would you? in a fucking heartbeat
39. What did you do for New Year’s? Spent it in Lockport at my good friend Dave’s and his wonderful wife Xtina.
40. Do you think The Grudge was scary? Weak. I had to stop it it was so bad.
41. Could you relate to a character in Mean Girls? I seriously would enjoy relating w/ that nut Lindsay Lohan. She’s crazy and that means she’s a good ___!
42. Do you own a camera phone? Absolutely
43. Do you have an “ex box” with pics and letters from past lovers? Facebook has become my ex box. Kinda funny actually.
44. Was your mom a cheerleader? I have no idea. She could have been. My mom was hot.
45. What’s the last letter of your middle name? R
46. Do you like your middle name? I live it.
47. How many hours of sleep do you get a night? I’ve been getting 6-7 as of late, That must mean I’m content. But I do use a lot of sleeping drugs.
48. Do you like care bears? i dont care (thanks Ariel)
49. What do you buy at the movies? tickets
50. Do you know how to play poker? Yeah, but cannot sit still long enough to play it.
51. Do you wear your seatbelt? As a rule
52. What do you wear to sleep? not much
53. Anything big ever happen in your hometown? Yeah, a guy chopped the head off of a haunted statue in the graveyard. Same graveyard I used to “park” with girls in during HS.
54. How many meals do you eat a day? One good one unless I have company.
55. Is your tongue pierced? no
56. Ever meet anyone you met on myspace? Yes, and I’m not going there. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! wooooooooo
57. Do you read myspace bulletins? I used to, I don’t like myspace anymore. It looks like crap now.
58. Do you like funny or serious people better? I love hilarious people. My friends are all fucking hilarious.
59. Ever been to L.A.? yes and didn’t like it much except for meeting Kim Fowley.
60. Did you eat a cookie today? NO. Someone promised she’d make me cookies today and mail them to me.
61. Do you use cuss words in other languages? BADZMEG!!!!! (hungarian)
62. Do you steal or pay for your music downloads? I NEVER EVER EVER download or rip music. A lot of my good friends have lost their livelihood because of that.
63. Do you hate chocolate? I dig black chicks.
64. What did you and your parents fight about the most? My music and style.
65. Are you a gullible person? Was. I learned better.
66. Do you need a boyfriend/girlfriend to be happy? not at all (unlike my best friend)
67. If you could have any job what would it be? I’d like to be Alex Zander as long as possible. It has it’s ups and downs but I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Except maybe Salma Hayek.
68. Are you easy to get along with? This really depends on who you ask. I have no tolerance for wanna be’s, liras, bullshitters, or lazy people.
69. What is your favorite time of day? When I’m awake.
What is your favorite animal to see at the zoo? Peeing monkeys
If you won a shopping spree at the mall, which store would you run to first? The Levi Store (had to think of that one, I don’t do malls)
Are you afraid of the dentist? nope and my dentist is a hot Latina named Maria Gonzalez.
What do you eat on your hamburgers? Lettuce, Tom, onions, CHEESE!, mayo, hot peppers
If you had to stay awake for 24 hours, what would you do in that time? meth
Do you open your eyes under water? I have
Are you organized? At times so much so and it annoys people who do not appreciate such things
What do you do to relax before you fall asleep? watch Letterman
Do you like Sunny D? no, and I don’t like Donald Duck Orange Juice either. I shit you not.
Do you eat organic food? yes, when I can afford to
Who do you text the most? Dale
Last song you downloaded? SHUT THE FUCK UP
What do you find the most attractive about the opposite sex?spirit
If you could name a planet, what would you name it? Hades
What would you consider a lot of money? What I was making just over one year ago.
Have you ever put Mentos in Coke? OH YEAH and it’s FUN!
Do you wear glasses? I no long er have a choice due to my stupid past vanity.
Ever made out with a monkey? oh fuck, once when I was drunk.
When was the last time you went to the ocean? 2 years ago
Would you marry the Burger King King? I want to set that creepy thing on fire, for real.
Do you feel bad for the Polar Bears? Why would I? NO
How many pairs of shoes do you own? 24
Who’s your favorite celebrity? Boomhauer
Ever take a dump in the woods? I camp a lot.
What is your least favorite color? orange
How many times have you gone to the bathroom today? I couldn’t tell you and I wouldn’t.
What is the most times you have ever seen one movie? One weekend my brother and I watched Bad Santa about 6 times. But I’ve seen others a lot more.
What holiday just passed? Easter and I spent that morning visiting Viva Nova
Do you play any instruments? I currently play a beautiful electric acoustic bass
What room are you in? my office
What color is your camera? silver
Where is your room? planet earth
What is the closest green item to you? I ceramic frog on my desk. I like frogs.
Last time you saw your mother? Oct 2005 when I spread her ashes on Airport Mesa Vortex high up in the red rocks of Sedona AZ
What was it you last laughed about? I’d rather not say
Do you drink Red Bull or any other energy drink?One of my 3 nicknames is Red Bull. I love Red Bull.
If you could work at any clothing store, which store would you pick? Alcala’s
How often do you give high fives? never, loathe that frat boy shit. I don’t like fist pumps either. it’s a lazy insincere mans handshake. My grandfather would damn a person for that.
Do you own a cowbell? not yet
Have you ever been on television? Oh yes. Quite a bit. Local and internationally.
Where did you last eat? At home
Who’s the most annoying person in your neighborhood? The fucking pot smoking hippie that tried to sing and play guitar all day when I’m trying to work. I stress he word trying. This asswipe makes me cringe.
Do you plan on moving in the next year? I had been planning on relocating to Baton Rouge in Sept. 2010 but it’s not finacnially possible this year. DAMN!
Who is the last person you saw in your house? They’ve never told me their names.
What’s the last thing you put in your mouth? Coffee
Where is your biological father right now? Genoa City
What was the last thing someone bought for you? Morgan bought me booze.
Who took your profile picture? Too Dark Mark
Do you celebrate monthly anniversaries? I have a strange obsession for the full moon.
I am sad to report that Eric “Bando” Bandowski has taken up residence in Orlando FL and will not be joining us for this summers kick-off. Dale and I are up to the challenge and may look for another recruit if the guest list continues to grow. Eric departed Chicago last week but not before bestowing upon me a bevy of seasonings from his own collection as well as adding to my enormous hot sauce collection.
Though this event is still a distant 33 days away I await with grande anticipation the way a ‘young un’ does Christmas morning. The people who have RSVP’d certainly reflect the most colorful and eclectic array of personalities I have gathered in many a memory. And I’ve even received word that a few guests may be flying in from yonder.
Last summer the May kickoff certainly represented the summer of 09 when we BBQ’d outside almost every night after long days at the beach and big weekend gatherings. Nonetheless, the May inaugural was indeed the most, and I use this word again, eclectic.
I’m looking forward to having you all once again up to Casa Diablo.
– SINcerely Alejandro
“Intelligence is something we are born with. BBQ’ing is a skill that must be learned” – Edward de Bono
“It is not enough to have a good BBQ, the main thing is to use it well” – Rene Descartes
“BBQ’ing is one percent inspiration, and ninety-nine percent perspiration” – Thomas Edison
‘I always think that the right background music is an essential part of a good barbecue” – Nero
Whether the weather be fine
Or whether the weather be not
Whether the weather be cold
Or whether the weather be hot
We’ll BBQ in all the weather
Whatever the weather
Whether we like it or not. – Old saying
Cup o Java at IHOP w/ Dale the morning before the Windy City Burlesque Festival (and after a long crazed night)
“The joy of life consists in the exercise of one’s energies, continual growth, constant change, the enjoyment of every new experience. To stop means simply to die. The eternal mistake of mankind is to set up an attainable ideal.” – Aleister Crowley
“Am I a criminal? The world knows I’m not a criminal. What are they trying to put me in jail for? You’ve lost common sense in this society because of religious fanaticism and dogma.” – Jack Kevorkian
“You’re basing your laws and your whole outlook on natural life on mythology. It won’t work. That’s why you have all these problems in the world. Name them: India, Pakistan, Ireland. Name them-all these problems. They’re all religious problems.” – Jack Kevorkian
Drunk Dining w/ Dale and Morgan at El Palmar. This is what happens after I watch Rick Bayless doing a 1/2 hour on cervice.
At Serda’s Store 3619 N. Broadway www.SerdasStore.com
Windy City Burlesque Festival photos by Dale Patrick Bennett for www.ultravixxxens.com
This is not a love story, but it is a story about love. About those who give in into it, and the price they pay. And those who run away from it, because they are afraid, or because they do not believe they’re worthy of it. She ran away. He gave in.
And perhaps later on I will tell you the story of how we came to be here. It is an interesting tale. Some of it is even true. But for now, I can say that from the moment I saw her, I loved her. And no matter the price, you cannot walk away from love.
She never was here. You were married to a dream. A dream that stole your soul. God must have been angry with you the day he let you look in that woman’s face.
Insert a big sigh here (___________________________)
It’s been almost a week since I got that 1130 PM text message that woke me up the night of Wed April 14, 2010. The word had leaked that Peter Steele had passed away. I could tell that this time it wasn’t a hoax or some rumor but he had managed to escape this existence. I didn’t get back to sleep till after 4 AM and at 7 AM I was woken again by another text regarding Pete’s passing. Thursday and Friday were very difficult days for myself, but I know that those closest to him, those in the band were feeling the loss the hardest.
If you are not familiar with the history of MK ULTRA and the band Type O Negative I have to seriously ponder why you’re even reading this journal or coming to this site. It’s been documented many times that my very first meeting with Peter Steele in the summer of 1994 was the entire reason that MK ULTRA was ever created. That interview was rejected down by the publications I freelanced for, they didn’t take the band serious. And as I learned first hand they, as a band, didn’t take themselves serious either.
But I did, and so would millions of others. And when we lost Peter Steele last week it affected many of us the same way the passing of Jim Morrison, John Lennon and even the King himself, Mr Elvis Aron Presley did his fan base. However the music and lyrics that Peter Steele composed or as he said deconstructed, were so much more deeper to us. We certainly lost a voice of our genre.
For myself being a man and hearing the words, the confessions, the pain and even the anger in that first Type O record made me feel like I had comrade out there. Pete certainly didn’t have any problem wearing his heart on his sleeve, and at the same time being able to do so with a dark and sarcastic sense of humor. Something I could relate to. During our first conversation we discussed, suicide, death, love and loss. We discussed controversy and bad press. In a nutshell if a giant of a male the likes and build of Peter Steele could feel pain and the loss of love and compose songs about it than it didn’t such a bad thing any longer that I’ve felt the same way. When you’re raised by a former Green Beret who is more Walt Kolwolski or Sergeant Thomas Highway than Ward Cleaver you are taught that it’s shameful to shed a tear or share emotion, let alone show it.
But another thing I can share and the same words were shared with me by the many bands that worked with TON or writers and fans that came into contact with them are about just how nice and polite and considerate the four personalities that made up Type O Negative are. In the 16 years that I knew them, I never, ever once heard them echo a negative or unkind word about anyone. And they always made people feel good about themselves, and yes, even laugh with them. There was never a show where I didn’t meet up with the band either before or afterward, and I never ever missed the band when they were on tour, going as far as to drive across 4 states to see them multiple times on every leg of each long drawn out tour.
On Thursday the 15th, I cannot begin to share the many emails, phone calls and text messages I got from all over the country and even as far away as Finland. (Thanks Marina) Everyone seemed to share in this loss, and they all seemed to know how it was affecting me. My good friend Jason Meudt who I must point out would not be friends with me if not for our common affection for the bands music put it best, he said we lost our hero. Indeed we did. And Jason shared many of those backstage moments w/ Peter, myself and the band. and Jason isn’t the only one, I really must say that a good many of my friends and associates are just that because of our mutual admiration for everything Type O Negative.
It’s taken me this long to be able to sit down and hammer this out, and even as I go deeper into my heart and mind to come up with the right words, I know I am not done or ready to post it. I still need to soul search and I don’t want people picking up my words and misquoting me on the internet especially on one of those public forums where anonymous postings by coward and liars breed like Mormons. But there was many conversations and printed quotes that Pete shared with me regarding death and dying. I remember the jaded and cynical Atheist he was in the old days and I recall my surprise when he turned to religion and embraced the Roman Catholic belief.
And thinking back to Peters comments about death or dying or his own death, you always knew you could laugh about it later, except in the World Coming Down era when there’s wasn’t a humorous feel to the recording. He usually always talked about death with a sense of sarcasm, and you knew it.
It’s at this point that I shall take a break and revisit this w/ a clear mind. To Be Continued
Well, being that my weather man confirmed my predictions that the current weather in Chicago means the average temp this summer will be 90, this is a good thing. I take that back. this us a GREAT thing!
The number of liquor licenses would more than double on Chicago Park District property along the lakefront under a proposal Mayor Richard Daley introduced today.
Daley said the goal of creating more liquor licenses was to give restaurants “an opportunity so they can get money for the Park District. It’s not going to be an open beer garden or anything like that. . . . It will be scrutinized very closely.”
Park District Supt. Tim Mitchell said the plan also is aimed at drawing more upscale concessions to the lakefront. It also would allow the expansion of existing restaurants, like the North Pond in Lincoln Park and the Parrot Cage in the South Shore Cultural Center.
The high-profile locations where sales of beer, wine and liquor would be allowed under Daley’s plan include the North Rose Garden at Buckingham Fountain, the 63rd Street Beach House in Jackson Park and three new locations in Lincoln Park: the Montrose Beach House, the Osterman Beach House and the Diversey Grill, according to a city Web site.
Other new spots where Daley wants to allow liquor sales include the South Shore Golf Course, the Ohio Street Beach in Olive Park, Calumet Beach House in Calumet Park, Diversey Driving Range and
Miniature Golf Course, DuSable Harbor Building, the South Shore Cultural Center, the 31st Street Boathouse in Burnham Park and the 87th Street Harbor.
All told, the mayor wants to add 13 new liquor licenses to the 12 already allowed on lakefront park district land, according to the ordinance. In 23 of the 25 spots, the ordinance seeks to restrict alcohol sales to no later than 10 p.m. Currently, liquor sales are allowed until 11 p.m. in most places.
The mayor’s plan would allow liquor sales to continue until midnight at Northerly Island. Currently, Millennium Park is the only lakefront park where alcohol can be purchased that late.
In seven parks where only beer and wine are now allowed to be sold, the Daley administration wants to allow liquor sales. Those include two spots in Lincoln Park, bringing to five the total number of places where Chicagoans can buy an alcoholic beverage in the popular North Side park.
The proposed ordinance will be sent to the City Council’s License Committee for consideration.