About Alex

Alex Zander, founder publisher MK ULTRA MAGAZINE and MK Magazine. Also creator of mk ultravixxxens at www.ultravixxxens.com. Currently residing in Chicago USA

I carry my crucifix. Under my death list. Forward my mail to me in hell. Liars and the martyrs. Lost faith in The Father. Long lost in the wishing well. Take a ride on the wild side.

Hate the band. Loved the book more than any other book ever done of the music industry. Right now I’m watching the movie. A review tomorrow on the front page and my take this weekend when I update this Diary about last weekend. 

Even by the time I woke up my friends on the east and west coast posted that it was awful. Scoot Fayner who now lives in Boston wrote to me that when he lived in LA and wrote for HUSTLER he got to read an unedited version of the book. NOW THAT I’D LOVE TO SEE. More than tequila and whiskey.


Ironically I was searching for a maid to do some deep cleaning. As I left Jungle Jewel this image of Asa Akira appeared in my feed.


Now she’s bulletproof. Keeps her motor clean. And believe me, you. She’s a number thirteen. The church strikes midnight. She’s looking louder and louder. She’s going to turn on our juice, boy. So she turns on the power.

When I fell asleep after getting home Saturday afternoon I was ready for round 2 to I walked over to Tac Quick and that’s where I met another Thai native named “OJ”.


Electric Revolution Live at the Looney Bin pix by Cassandra D Balazic for mk ultra magazine 3/15/2019

Fuck you I’m DRUNK

The spike in arrests around the Wrigleyville area comes after four years of steady reductions in arrests during the annual Irish blow-out. Some on-duty officers called planning for this year’s event—which traditionally relies heavily on a private security force employed by local bars—to be a “washout” and “a total failure.”

Downtown’s arrest count is up from last year’s total, too. CWBChicago did not maintain downtown arrest counts prior to the 2018 St. Pat’s celebration.

Now, our annual run-down of a few interesting calls that went out over police radios during yesterday’s festivities.

8:15AM — In a sign of things to come, downtown’s St. Patrick’s Day police radio band crackles to life with an officer running a reveler’s name during a street stop. Officer: “Last name is Weed. Like, she’s smoking Weed…”

8:29AM — Woman is robbed outside the Renaissance Hotel. Suspect arrested nearby. CWBChicago editors ruled against including the offender as a St. Pat’s-related arrest until more details are learned from the arrest report. (If the ruling is reversed, he will go down as the earliest arrest of any St. Pat’s incident in our archives.)

10:00AM — In Wrigleyville, an officer says issuing tickets for drinking on the public way is “like shooting ducks in a barrel out here” as she issues two more citations at Clark and Eddy.

10:33AM — They’re climbing the trees in Grant Park.


10:35AM — First arrest in Wrigleyville. Man is picked up on a warrant during a street stop at Addison and Sheffield.10:58AM — Because police are checking bags near the parade route, “kids” are drinking and partying closer to Michigan Avenue.

Some partiers avoided the police checkpoints, according to police. | Patrick Anenen

12:11PM — First arrest downtown. Offender taken in for battering a 26-year-old woman at Jackson and State. Ambulance whisks the woman way.

12:27PM — “We are not going to send officers into those ‘climbing the tree calls.’ It’s too densely populated there. Record it for the log, but we’re not going in there,” CPD deputy chief says.

12:55PM — In Lakeview: “Citizen reports you have a male out front drinking beer and making facial gestures.”

1:30PM — Jackpot!  Three arrested at 400 North Michigan after fighting with police.

“Want to go out for more drinks?” “I dunno. I’m kinda on the fence.” |  @SummerofGus1

1:36PM — Lincoln Park Alderman Michele Smith has called 911 to complain about a large party in the 900 block of West Dickens. Officer: “Those parties gonna be going on all day.”

1:46PM — 3800 block of Lakewood: “Disturbance mental. Male, white, 30, long sleeve shirt, vest, laying on the caller’s doorstep having a conversation with himself.”

1:59PM — Three more arrested downtown. Outside the Congress Hotel this time. Charged with fighting and breaking out the hotel’s windows.

2:06PM — Officer: “Do you have a description of this” lost female?
Dispatcher: “She’s a drunken female who claims to be a college student.”
Officer: “There are a lot of those around here today.”

3:09PM — Male caller says the valet stole his wife’s wallet from their car. 100 block of North Wabash.

3:15PM — Officer requests an ambulance for “two females, mid-20’s throwing up all over the place” at 355 East Grand.

4:10PM — “Older male white, bald, green shorts, is urinating in the middle of the street” at Montrose and Clark.

4:20PM — Biggest arrest of the day. Five men and women are hauled in after a fight at Murphy’s Bleachers in Wrigleyville.

Even CPD’s “big scary bus” wasn’t enough to counter Saturday’s nonsense in Wrigleyville. | @the1stMikeC

4:44PM — Caller says a female got into his car at Clark and Barry and she’s demanding that he take her home. He has an Uber sticker in his window, but he’s not in service, and she refuses to get out.

4:45PM — A group of people throwing “beers and other items” from the 12th floor. Wells between Erie and Superior.

5:36PM — “A highly intoxicated white male wearing a large styrofoam sombrero” is lying down in the middle of Grand and State.

6:03PM — Whoops! Remember that call about the wife who had her wallet stolen by a valet in the 100 block of North Wabash three hours ago? The dispatchers forgot to assign that call to anyone. “Do you think they are still there?”

6:52PM — Back in Lakeview, a 911 caller reports that there is an unknown man living inside his green Jeep.

7:52PM — “Criminal trespassing at the Red Line Addison.” CTA reports that a black male in a green jacket was riding on top of the train when it pulled into the station. There’s also an earlier call from a witness who saw him on top of the train as it pulled out of the Belmont stop.

9:24PM — 911 caller says three men are trying to beat him up. “The call-taker can hear him saying “please, please” as people beat him and he screams for help. Call taker is trying to get an address from him.

Two ambulances roll into Wrigleyville to mop up some more nonsense. | @The1stMikeC

11:23PM — Neighbors report a party so large, that people are directing traffic for arriving revelers. 2458 North Clybourn. (The same house where an AirBnB party had a 6-hour standoff with a SWAT team last week.)

1:48AM — A call of very loud music and dancing in the streets at 2458 North Clybourn.

2:12AM — In Wrigleyville, “Jeremy states that an intoxicated male white in his 40’s slapped him on his butt in front of Sluggers.”  He wants a report for criminal sexual assault.


I was a snake-eyed boy, and at the age of five, I made love to the howl of the wolves with a dark haired girl. So if you wanna hear evil. Come a little bit close.

the past months posts are now updated. 

Momma I’m comin home.

Cassie picks me up right from work and we drive to Bourbonnais and I check into my room at the only hotel in Kankakee County that lets me come back time and time again. (I just like saying that) There is some big event at Olivet Nazarene University so my room options were limited so I got teh king Suite w/ jacuzzi in the room. 

Tomorrow night my first rock show since my last rock show. And BBQ

I’m taking this along.

Here is a pic of Too Dark Mark in Mexico City where he went to high school. He’s going back to Baton Rouge for a few days to work on our show and get a teaser up of the podcast and then he’s off to  Paris, Rome and Berlin followed by Santiago, Chile and Lima, Peru.

One side note to report that I am mentally exhausted when I get home from work and a lot of it I’m sure has to do with the weather, but also my head is at work most of my time. I got an email from CAEL yesterday where I worked in 2018 asking if I was available for a research project. I politely declined. 

My life begins again tomorrow. Thanks for your patience and support. 

Did one say so cruel: “Tis better to love than lose”. Ignorance is bliss – wish not knew your kiss. So many times been burned, this lesson goes unlearned. Remember desire only fuels the fire – liar. Even though I still miss your lips. You’re about as real as your tits.

My tests from Thursday came back good. Kidneys and vascular are fine, Dr. Tong says nothing to worry about other than lowing my cholesterol and having my blood platelet count checked again in 6 mos.

Thanks Eden LakeDawn Wattles, Too Dark Mark Williams and Aaron BluefootRobot Arm McCort

Last Saturday I was still stressing over the outcome of my tests which would not be divulged to me till the following Tuesday. I had done laundry after work Friday and was  up early Saturday to run errands as usual. When I was done at home I walked to ACE Hardware to buy a padlock for the back door since I have all of this gear now and the rockin spring begins in a few weeks. Now even sooner than planned since Nick Huffman booked Electric Revolution at The Looney Bin again. It’s be a well deserved and much needed journey. As I left ACE I wandered across the street to Wrigleyville North wondering if I might run into Bobby T and as I suspected there he was at the corner as usual so I joined him and the usual Suspects for some afternoon cocktails and caught up with my old friend.

I felt inspired so with old friends in mind I thought it was about time I get back in touch with Max Bravo if for nothing else to hire him to do the artwork for the forthcoming podcast. He knocked out several images and I know I got a really good deal for his services. The guy is good. And now I really miss him. I hope this leads to a much overdue reunion. 

“I’ve come a long way since I believed in anything, and I come halfway around the world. Where you came from is gone, where you thought you were going to weren’t never there, and where you are ain’t no good unless you can get away from it. Where is there a place for you to be? No place… Nothing outside you can give you any place… In yourself right now is all the place you’ve got.”

“Soon I discovered that this rock thing was true. Jerry Lee Lewis was the devil, Jesus was an architect previous to his career as a prophet. All of a sudden, I found myself in love with the world. So there was only one thing that I could do
Was ding a ding dang my dang a long ling long”

A great day.


I got in touch with Scotty Ludwick on my break as I was working from home mid morning in regards to getting press access to the LA GUNS show April 4. Within and hour or so their tour publicist got back to me and set me up with 3 tickets and a photo pass. Being I work from home that day the plan is for Cassie to pick me up, we go to the show return and the next day hit EXXXXOTICA. Needless to say other than it coming months too early I’m very much looking forward to making up for last year. I just wish Adrian could go. The host hotel is the Embassy Suites and I haven’t been there since Gage was staying there and we hung out for a few days and nights years ago. 

As if the day wasn’t going good enough I wrapped up my work day, walked to Walgreens and when I returned a box was waiting for me inside the doorway.

This coming weekend is my last downtime for a while so I will finish that story of Marks visit and our work with Cassie and Martin Atkins and tales of the great food we enjoyed on his stay. So those notes will be inserted along with those photos from a few weeks ago. 

Nuff said. 

When you’re down. It’s a long way up. When you’re up. It’s a long way down.

I have about 3 weeks of writing to catch up on and I will get around to all of it this weekend. For the loyalists out there it shall not be as boring as the first 6 wks of the year Marks visit here and the brief weekend we spent together in creating together and working with Cassie and the legendary Martin Atkins was a hoot. Lots of food and different places were explored and then Cassie got snowed in with us. 

My health is a bit of a concern but whatever the fuck it is I’ll beat it. I’ve been through worse and thanks to a few good friends I still have will do so with a whole lot to look forward to.

And a whole lotta rock n roll!

I’ve been walkin’, I’ve been freezin’. Freezin’ from a love I left behind. I’ve been searchin’, I’ve been searchin’ Can’t find my peace of mind. It’s gonna be a long cold winter. Long cold winter without your love.

Saturday Feb 16 8AM it began here

2/28/2019 This morning Diagnostic Ultrasound and not the ULTRASOUND that I have in the works from Studio D

- Cervical Doppler

-Lumbar AA Doppler

- US Abdominal Aorta

- US Kidney

I honestly thought this is the way nurses dressed till I started dating them.

Meanwhile another tour not coming to Chicago. I’ve only missed two of their tours since 1989 and it’s because they haven’t played Chicago. Meanwhile Ed will see them. 


By now I’ve documented that my tests came back with nothing negative to report. I do have to go on a diet to lower my cholesterol but that’s not biggie. It was a rough batch of tests though and the first two doctors didn’t even talk with me. The third doctor was a very pleasant lady a few years older than me, I think. When I told her may age she was taken back and told me I certainly didn’t look it. Flattering yet embarrassing.

“It sure used to be… We stood up for what was righAs I was preparing to go through yet another test this time for my kidneys she inquired about the book I was reading, “Unlearning Liberty” : Campus Censorship and the End of American Debate  by Greg Lukianoff and I gave her a very Cliffs Notes version and she asked me if I thought America would ever be great again. I did an abbreviated version of Will McAvoy from the Newsroom:t. We fought for moral reason. We passed laws, struck down laws, for moral reason. We waged wars on poverty, not on poor people. We sacrificed, we cared about our neighbors, we put our money where our mouths were and we never beat our chest. We built great, big things, made ungodly technological advances, explored the universe, cured diseases and we cultivated the world’s greatest artists AND the world’s greatest economy. We reached for the stars, acted like men. We aspired to intelligence, we didn’t belittle it. It didn’t make us feel inferior. We didn’t identify ourselves by who we voted for in the last election and we didn’t scare so easy.”

I inquired as to the source of her accent and she told me she was raised in Communist Bulgaria. She asked if I knew where it was and if I had friends abroad. The conversation expanded and then she rolled me over and saw the Soviet tattoo on my lower back. That opened a whole new dialogue. It was refreshing. 

As she walked me out she told me it was nice to examine someone with my intellect. I nearly blushed. I shook her hand and told her it was a pleasure to make her acquaintance. 

I would go home and clean house and watch TV. Friday it was back to work and I came home and stressed all weekend over the results. 

The Bulgarian Communist Party Headquarters in ruins

I came home and before started rearranging the office and studio watched another episode of the finale season of The Americans

I hear the roar of a big machine. Two worlds and in between. Hot metal and methedrine. I hear empire down. I hear the roar of a big machine. Two worlds and in between. Love lost, fire at will. Dum-dum bullets and shoot to kill, I hear. Dive, bombers, and Empire down.

This was one of three trip we made to Tac Quick the weekend my old friend and now sponsor and executive producer Mark Williams made. We ate out…a lot

Night #1 of 2 we were up very late setting up and recording intros and drops for the MKULTRASOUND PodCast. He had flown in from Canada that morning with a layover in Detroit. I don’t know how he does it. Mark doesn’t drink anymore but he doesn’t preach. Neither of us had a problem sleeping this night but we had an early morning meeting, interview and brunch with the legendary Martin Atkins At the last moment we arranged to hire Cassie to be part of it as well as provide reliable transportation. 

Busy at work doing pre-production

The next morning remote interview w/ Martin Atkins at the Invisible records office in Bridgeport. He gave the three of us Pigface coffee mugs and ski caps.

Later that night back at Casa Diablo where Cassie was snowed in so I let her sleep in my need and I slept out on the living room floor which I would pay for over the next few days with major back pain. 

Dinner and Martini’s w/ Cassie and Mark at Tac Quick Sunday night

Martin and Mark tech talk

The MKULTRASOUND producers at work day 2

it’s been years, well over a decade since I had coffee at Martins Invisible Records office. 

Martini’s and cigars at Tac Quick Day 1

Cassie snowed in at Casa Diablo with Katrina and Anny

The first thing we did after Mark brought his luggage upstairs was go to eat at El Palmar or a Curse Mackey would say, “a rite of passage.”

Gay Target restroom on my way home from work the eve before Mark arrived 

Mark has these cable costume made for MKULTRASOUND

The Team!

Sunday after our meeting with Martin we all reconviened at Pleasant House Pub 2119 S Halsted St. Chicago, in the Bridgeport neighborhood for brunch. A rustic cafe with a blackboard menu of farm-to-table fare, baked goods, brunch & Sunday tea service. I had the Royal English Breakfast their signature fry-up—all homemade! Sunny-side-up egg, Royal Banger sausage, Royal banger sausage, Royal Rashers, black pudding, baked beans, grilled tomato, roasted mushrooms, and Pleasant House toast. We were joined by Martin’s assistant Molly. When Martin and Molly departed Cassie and I went to have a drink at the bar and discovered Martin had picked up the tab for all of us.

Thank you Mr. Atkins

On the way home the snow really started to come down and it was very cold. I wasn’t dressed for it and I’d also pay for the fact as well as sleeping on a hardwood floor later that night. I was dressed for a photos shoot but it was much too cold. We stopped into Chinatown on the way home and I went to an herb store to buy some supplements for what I had anticipated would be a very eXXXciting spring. We shall see! The fun begins 2 weeks earlier than I had planned as Nick has booked Electric Rev at the Looney Bin.

My mind is blank I take another drink. I’m not destroyed but I’m right on the brink. I sit and count them shot by shot. The little things that I never got

Since mid January we’ve been steadily hit with the harshest winter elements in Chicagoland in 3 years. Overnight we has an ice storm. I guess we were spoiled last year. I’m pretty much over it. So are my co workers.


Mojo Nixon (Blue Island) , Mortiis (Joliet), Angel (St. Charles), Ace Frehley (St. Charles) , Billy Idol (Naperville) , Cheap Trick (New Lenox), Joan Jett (New Lenox), Exxxotica (Rosemont) and Flashback Weekend (Rosemont)  all of these shows I’m attending so far in 2019 and not a damned one is in the actual city. Prong aren’t even being booked here on their current tour. The promoters in Chicago just won’t book hard rock bands anymore. 

Update: 2/13/2019

I got home and it just keeps getting worse. 

Same week as Mortiis in Joliet and the night before EXXXOTICA which is a terrible time to have that convention But I’ll be at all 3 even though no promoter in Chicago will book these bands meaning another trip out of town.

 A yacht and a Rolls and a private jet, A dirty blonde in a red Corvette
Wife and kids and a house and a pet, Those are the things that I can’t get

Happy V.D.

“But I’ll tell you, the only thing that keeps me going is this chick. I’ve got this incredible chick on the side you see, and she is so hot, I can hardly believe it. She’s got one of those heart-shaped asses. Have you ever had a chick with a heart-shaped ass?”

- from 9½ Weeks (1986) Mickey Rourke

The Dream Is Dead – Type O Negative

Champagne glass of blood and wine
On chocolate hearts alone I dine
Candles weeping waxing fears
Ten roses for one year- disappear

Arrows faster in my heart
Each memory another dart
Love and death both colored red
Showing my past, my dream is dead

Another lonely Valentine’s Day
I can’t believe that things turned
out this way
And though I hate to see you go
I know it must be so
Another lonely Valentine’s Day

Nobody will break your fall
All for non, yeah, none for all
Nothing’s so cruel as the truth
Join the Festival of Fools

Nobody will break your fall
All for non, yeah, none for all
Nothing’s so cruel as the truth
Join the Festival of Fools

Another lonely Valentine’s Day
I can’t believe that things turned
out this way
And though I hate to see you go
I know it must be so
Another lonely Valentine’s Day

The dream is dead.

Got what I got the hard way. And I make it better, each and every day. So honey, said don’t you fret. ‘Cause you ain’t seen nothing yet. Just grab the rope and I’ll pull you in. Give you hope and be your only boyfriend.

Lunar New Year notes coming tonight

It was cold again for the Lunar New Year Parade on Argyle and a much smaller version that I have seen in previous years. After staying in the night before and rising early to do laundry I made my way via the CTA Red Line to Little Vietnam or Little Saigon depending on your preference. I stopped into Qideas where I bought cactus a week before to pick up some soup bowls they ordered for me. I then went o Pho Loan where it was packed and ordered the same thing as the Saturday prior only added a Coffee Bubble Tea with tapioca which gave me a brain freeze. 

After teh parade I walked to Fat Cat Lounge for a cocktail before going home. It was too cold to do much of anything else. So I stayed in watched TV and thought I could call it another early night. 

Late Saturday when I  woke up and couldn’t get back to sleep I went over to Tac Quick where I met a new staff member Nok who’s name means Bird. I find it interesting that Thai women’s names have meanings like KK’s which is gift or present. I planned on going around teh corner to Wrigleyville North but after one of teh new girls sat with me at the bar I stayed till I was tired enough to walk across teh street home and fall into a deep sleep. There’s a lot to be said for interesting company.

In one more week I would be setting up Studio Diablo with Too Dark Mark Williams.