AZ’s “DIARY OF A DAMNED MAN”

Dannie Flesher passed away last weekend. http://www.mkblog.mk-magazine.com/news_7-08/wp-admin/post.php?action=edit&post=1866

For those of you in or out of the “know” Wax Trax was along w/ Cleopatra most instrumental in the creation, work and ultimate success of MK ULTRA Magazine and all things related. Dannie took me in upon my arrival in this city 11.5 years ago. Not only did we have a business relationship but we had a friendship as an offshoot. The man supported me and my ventures. I spent nights at his home, which I loved and highly admired the design of and he also visited my first Chicago apartment as well. He attended my maiden Chicago Alc O Holiday concert and introduced me to Al on a personal level which had nothing to do with our shared profession. I smoked pot w/ Dannie and I’m as some of you know, not a big fan of the marijuana thing I smoked with the man out of respect. Gawd, how I’ve missed him since he moved away. That may very well be the very last time I let the evil weed invade my lungs.

Dannie’s partner, Jim Nash, died of an AIDS related illness in 1995 and Dannie amazingly look very healthy and handsome in the time we shared together. I knew it was a matter of time, but kind of always hoped and believed he had this Superman ability to beat that fucking thing. As most, he got pneumonia and now he’s gone/ However his impact on music and the entire genre of Industrial is certainly importantly relevant.

Alex Zander would certainly not of been who he became if not for Mr. Flesher’s kindness, and respect. I love and miss him. I wish I could have shared some of the things I went onto discover with the guy.

I worked every day which was really nice, and it looks as though I have a busy couple of weeks on the horizon. Let me have it! Spent the first half of the week getting up at 430 AM and calling the UK, and Wed - Friday calling Singapore at 9-10 PM.

Saw a couple of fun flicks, saw Watchmen which seriously won me over, with it dark take on a superhero saga. A rape scene between two superheroes is something you don’t see in every film. This flick was by far a creative and almost disturbing departure from other films of the genre. Quite a refreshing departure at that.

One evening I was ahead of her, Deanne, my sweet lil Suzie Z, watching The Libertine ala Johnny Depp. It made me feel good that she enjoyed the period piece surrounding the latter years of the British writer John Wilmot. Maybe she’ll rent Quill’s next.

During the time I was taking in this film, Jared Louche, of Chemlab fame called me from London. I didn’t pick up of course because I ha no idea who the hell would be calling me from the UK. The message is as priceless as the man himself. So I saved it. Then he left me the following post on Facebook: “just tried to call you, you old queer bait fuckstick. i’ll try you tomorrow.
hope your machine’s ok!”

And speak of the devil! We talked every night, chatted up online every day and we’re currently involved our March 2010 reunion after 19 years. And in this while, she’s been teasing me with images of her. Ahhh, the sweet feeling on “want”, “desire” and “craving” are welcome emotions to this battered rocker.

I also took it upon myself to treat my mind to Inglorious Basterds, the latest Tarantino offering. I’m mixed about it. It was fun enough, but I was expecting a bit more. The sets and attire was over the top. But I just really have a hard time w/ Brad Pitt.

Then came Thursday a busy day for me, and then came the evening, and my return to Blue Bayou, my first visit of the new year. However, Morgan called, dropped by, listened to me rant about Miss Fellows, and it all led to a couple of hours drinking at the local country bar, and eventually taking her w/ me to the burlesque show. Alex, plus Morgan equals, intoxication. I knew better, but dammit, the lady is too much fun to resist.

The show was great and it was so nice to see all of the girls again and chat w/ them. In my ultimate plan I was going to leave at 11. Nevertheless, I ended up hanging out with the beautiful Vaudezilla beauties for a few hours. And when I finally found my way to the door and hailed a cab home, I found myself unable to resist the temptation to follow Melissa into Holiday Club and drink w/ her.. Afterwards, I had learned the next morning, Deanne and I talked for an hour. BACK. GET IT!

What can I say, I’m a sucker for the beauties that populate the fairer sex.

Oh yeah, and Donna Touch I must confess gets better looking every time I see her. What a gal!

Friday night, Bando and I returned to the scene of the crime, Angels & Mariachi’s over in Wicker Park. I don’t even know where to begin.

We walked upstairs at 8 PM, the place was packed.

After taking a seat, not at the bar but at a table the waitress informed us we had to have at least four people to sit there.

It was then that we were greeted by Marcos, who is one of the owners, and he told us to sit wherever we wanted, so we took our seats once again.

Enter 5 women looking for a place to sit, I offered to give up our places and we stood up as the gents we are and they were seated according.

Marcos saw our “chivalrous” gesture and sat us next to two other ladies to whom we struck up fast and random filled banter with. One of the ladies, the more obviously intoxicated of the duo named Katie was quite entertaining. At one point when I went to the bar she managed to break a mug of swirled margarita on herself. Upon my return she stood there soaked, and unhappy. It was funny and soon we were laughing it off.

I learned that we were on Marco’s tab and he had treated us to about $200 worth of drinkage, thus I owe the man BIG TIME.

As a writer and patron, I cannot speak volumes enough regarding the A&M experience. It is hands down the coolest restaurant in the Second City.

I woke up Saturday, my boots in my bed, and a pile of Angels & Mariachi’s t shirts at my feet. I’m shipping the 2 baby doll t’s to Deanne and her daughter.

Then there was Saturday, the majority of which I spent talking w/ my long lost babydoll. What the fuck am I doing??? I’ve been at the point in my life, a standstill, I for the first time have no fucking idea what I’m going to do for the final chapter. I do know I want out of here and be somewhere slower, quieter, and spend my spare time pleasuring the one I love. I just don’t know where that is or who that might be.

In the midst of this ultimate confusion, I’m going to spend time w/ her again. She’s coming here, I’m going there and we’re just going to do whatthefuckever. A crapshoot for sure but why the hell not, right? I know what I want and I know how to get it. (ala the Cheap Trick song)

It’s Sunday afternoon, I need to get my tax paper work in order, and I cannot get her out of my head.

Listening to JAMC!

Allow me to be frank at the commencement. You will not like me. The gentlemen will be envious and the ladies will be repelled. You will not like me now, and you will like me a good deal less as we go on. Ladies, an announcement: I am up for it, all the time. That is not a boast or an opinion, it is bone hard medical fact. I put it round you know. And you will watch me putting it round and sigh for it. Don’t. It is a deal of trouble for you and you are better off watching and drawing your conclusions from a distance than you would be if I got my tarse up your petticoats.

Laying low will come to an end as Friday night if all goes well, Bando and I are heading back over to Angels & Mariachi’s for some good food, tequila and conversation with the fine folks than run our favorite new place. I intend to have a lot of photos this time.

(quick note that till I get this virus out of my PC I remain unable to post images here in the DOD but will link them to myspace of Facebook)

Not a whole lot of other highlights that are exciting as far as out and about as it’s been very cold here and I’m inside most of the time. I found out my cousin Nick married a woman named Holly, and that Robin Zander’s daughter who is absolutely gorgeous is named Holland and after seeing a duet with the 2 of them hope to catch her band live in the area sometime. There’s no other signifigance to that though, other than I hope to never hear the fucking name Holly again, unless it has to do with either one of them. At least in the near future. I’ve been watching a lot of Russ Meyer movies as of late admiring the Wasp Waist women who by today’s standards are not sexy but I find extremely appealing and not only in their vivacious curves but the hair styles and make up, especially around the eyes. I was certainly born too late.

Rarely were there cosmetically enhanced breasts in any of his films until Up! (1976) and Beneath the Valley of the Ultra-Vixens (1979). However, by the early 1980s, when surgical advancements had made the gargantuan breasts of Meyer’s fantasies a reality, many felt he had started viewing the female body as simply a “tit transportation device” and that his aesthetic vision was no longer attractive or vibrant. Darlene Gray, a natural 36H-22-33 from Great Britain, who appeared in Mondo Topless (1966) is said to be Russ Meyer’s most busty discovery.

The Russ Meyer female physical archetype is fairly complex to decipher. Firstly, it’s not to be confused with today’s surgically enhanced Hollywood porn starlets or even slim, naturally endowed actresses. Russ Meyer was almost as much about a shapely 1950s hip-to-waist ratio or “wasp waist” as he was about very large breasts. The six-pack abdominal muscles and built-up squarish appearance of modern Hollywood figures do not mesh with his pin-up aesthetic. Secondly, he also required that even his most busty actress have the ability to look good braless; “gravity-defying” and “cantilevered” became two of his favorite expressions.

So I guess this is the part where I should mention the highlight of the new year and it’s complicated at best.

Last Friday I was done working before noon and decided to look for something funny on youtube by putting in Paul Stanley and Gay. I got some photo montage with the song playing in the background, “Hold Me, Touch Me” a piano ballad by Paul Stanley 1978. It was also a song that a young AZ and his pretty lil girlfriend in the winter of 1983 chose as our song and she’d play it on her piano for me. Ahhh puppy love. Her name is Deanne and I took it upon myself to look her up and search her out. The song just rang that bell in my head and I was wondering whatever happened to her. (we met roller skating incidentely)

The last time I saw her was in 1990 and she called to tell me she was pregnant and getting married. This after years of me popping in and out of her life as I was starting to create the person I ultimately became, and out of respect I stayed out of her life. Though she crossed my mind from time to time.

It didn’t take long for me to find her and I discovered that she is divorced now 3 years and has 2 wonderful children, a son in college and a daughter 16, a musician who is the spitting image of her mother. Can you say shot gun? So I found her on Facebook,, sent an email and within 24 hours we were on the phone starting a conversation that went between 5-7 hours.

Now I’m cynical and I have a very hard time believing things women say to me, and this is based purely on experience not instinct. But according to her claim, the day of her dissolution (WOW there’s a word that’s rare in these times) that she went home and got online and attempted to find me. Hell, the last she knew I lived in Columbus Ohio and had just interviewed Gene Simmons. we’re talking 19 years since our last contact.

Thus in my ultimate wisdom I decided I’d go ahead and fly her to Chicago in March. As of this writing I’m awaiting word if she is able to get the time off. If not, I’m headed to Baton Rouge for a long weekend. But at this point, curiosity has the best of me and I’m am dying to see her again and make up for lost time.

For fucks sake we’re already talking about writing songs together.

We’ll have to see what develops and I will know today if the reunion is a possibility.

Just wanted to take a moment and thank all of my friends who really came out in full force for me this past year. 2009 started out tough enough and it only got rougher as the winter came to be the harshest in my memory. And somehow as difficult as it has been, I ended up having a really rocking good time. Friends dropped in for long stays week after week after week. I got into a burlesque craze. Went to New Glarus on four different occasions, to Baton Rouge twice, Indianapolis twice, Newbombs twice, countless trips to my many beaches and too many bar b ques to recall. There were 3 very cool marriages, and two amazing wedding celebrations. All in all as tough as it still is good friends were always there to shine some light into this dark fucking hole that 2009 was to my life overall.

We got to say goodbye to Bush and welcomes some Hope into the Oval Office, but now it seems more and more like Hopeless is more appropriate. Then millions more lost their jobs including me. I thought I was a lifer to the firm. I went away to thaw my heart in Feb. Came back to Chi less than a week later to find out the company was folding and none of us were getting paid for the last four weeks we worked.