Alex Zander’s “DIARY OF A DAMNED MAN”

February 4, 2012

It’s Confirmed: APOX and w.o.rm. to play MK ULTRA MAGAZINE show Easters Eve April 7

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I spoke w/ V the founding father of Apocalypse Theater this morning and everything is in motion. The artwork will be out next weekend and full on promotion immediately following.

One of my favorite local acts are opening, w.o.r.m. and APOX together, on the same stage, on the same night for the first time in YEARS!

check them out: www.facebook.com/joinW.O.R.M

Also spoke w/ Chucky von Bierstein singer of Black Stone Ritual in Indianapolis regarding a mid May show at Horseshoe as well.

Stay stuned…..

Zalman King

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I woke up this morning and one of the first things I heard on the radio after the weather was that Zalman King passed away. His name alone, synonymous with a handful of movies that inspired me as a man as far as my “habits” more than I am willing to admit. Some who know me in that manner need only watch one of his films and that familiar bell would ring as a hint, or dare I say reminder.

Many times I wonder if I would be who I’ve been since the late 80’s if not for films such as “Two Moon Junction”, “9 1/2 Weeks” and “Red Shoe Diaries” (movie not the series) the latter which was hardest of all for me to watch that cold winter afternoon in Columbus Ohio in late 1992 after DJing till 4 AM.

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Mortality.

Which brings me to my Grandmother who late Thursday night suffered her second stroke in a decade, this more severe than the first. My thoughts are with her and my brother who is at her bedside in West Virginia. One week ago when I spoke to my brother I had mentioned how much I had been thinking about her and our grandfather who passed away around this time in 2009. If I believed in prayers I’d pray all day. My thoughts and love are all I can offer at this time.

Hello weekend.

I’ll be closing a deal today w/V Mercy of APOX (Apocalypse Theatre) regarding bringing his band back to Chicago for the first time since 2007 with their old label mates WORM at Horseshoe Chicago this coming Easter Weekend.

In addition I was just asked and committed to be a co host of the 1901 Gallery Sleep Over Horror Movie marathon on Feb 25. I’ll introduce and be showing 2 short films by Jim Vanbebber at 1130 PM.

I am going to try to put on a Russ Meyer triple Feature there in mid summer as long as I know they have reliable AC.

So MK ULTRA is coming back as an entity and rightfully so, online and in your face. I’ll be hosting monthly MK ULTRA Presents shows at Horseshoe Chicago starting next week with Sheriff Scabs and special guests Dana Lynn & The Dirty Creeps.

Thus I have a lot to get ready for. This weekend is dedicated to four things, getting the entire house in as perfect condition as possible for the home full of guests who begin arriving on Thursday night, watching movies, listening to the new Leonard Cohen which has had it’s songs in my head all week, and reviewing the new MINISTRY album.

And if my friend Shannon aka Raven Blasts drops by tomorrow I’m baking jalapeno cornbread.
Carpe Diem!

February 2, 2012

Farewell to a Friend

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Monday I left work at 630 and still got to the Underground Wonder Bar at 710 N Clark St a lil too early for the Memorial to Steve Beshekas who I knew from the years I was a regular at Ranalli’s on Clark and he was the morning/day time manager. Pretty much everyone that worked there w/ the exception of the people I did not see that worked the phones were friend if not like family to me. Pretty much anyone that knew me, knew if they couldn’t reach me at home or the MK ULTRA office, I’d be at Ranalli’s. or when we hung out it’s where we went 90% of the time. When I did interviews w/ bands, or porn stars, I took them to Ranalli’s and when we shot the episode of the Showtime Reality show Family Business (Seymour Butts) it took place there.

Over the years Steve and I would talk about his friend ship and work w/ John Belushi who was a close friend of his. I was always amazed. Steve was older when I met him, in his late 50’s and I knew nothing nor did I suspect anything about him running a famous club, being known as the Prince of Wells Street, or his professional work in comedy with Belushi, Akroyd and the like.

In the early morning hours on the first Saturday of last November I heard on the radio that Steve Beshekas was the sole causality of an apartment building fire not far from me and I sent a quick text to a mutual friend Steve Franks who I knew was still close to Mr Beshekas. I followed a few hours later and called Steve, he looked into it and began notifying the people from Ranalli’s.

Posted 11/5/11 8:14 a.m.
CHICAGO (WLS) - An intoxicated 63-year-old man may have fallen asleep while smoking a cigarette before he burned to death in his Lake View apartment Friday night on the North Side.

Steve Beshekas, 63, of 540 W. Wellington Ave., died of thermal burns and smoke inhalation injuries from an apartment fire, according to the Cook County Medical Examiner’s office. A Sunday autopsy also listed alcohol intoxication as a cause of death, which was ruled an accident.

Police responded about 5:30 p.m. Friday to a call of smoke in the three-story, multi-unit apartment building, Town Hall District police Lt. Robert Stasch said. A preliminary investigation found Beshekas fell asleep while smoking. Beshekas was found on the floor near the front door of his apartment, where he lived alone, authorities said. “It appears he was trying to crawl out, but was overcome by smoke and flames,” Stasch said. Paramedics took Beshekas from his home to Advocate Illinois Masonic Medical Center, where he was pronounced dead at 6 p.m. Friday, authorities said.

Another person was taken to Illinois Masonic Medical Center in fair to serious condition, according to the fire department, which said the blaze was contained to one apartment. Nobody was displaced, Stasch said.

Belmont Area detectives and the Office of Fire Investigations are investigating.

The Sun-Times Media Wire contributed to this report.

Over the weeks to follow a celebration of his life was planned in Chicago into the New Year, by his friend, musician Pete Special and sister Dolly.

When I walked into the Underground Wonderbar I was awestruck by the blues based decor and the art work as well as how nicely the all female staff were dressed. For a Monday night in Chicago it reflected an ambiance of elegance, class with a dash of fun thrown in for that extra kick.

At the far end of the narrow but long room was a stage with a black grand piano. Original works of art, most of them hand-painted, and memorabilia covered the walls and at the entrance on a landing an n front of the large window facing Clark Street was a shrine to our fallen comrade Steve Beshekas. There were so many pictures of the man, young, and smiling with that hint of mischief and sparkle in his eyes./ I never knew Steve when he wasn’t silver haired and walking with a bit of a limp. But he always did flash that grin that we all knew hid many secrets. At least that is what I like to think.

The first familiar face I saw was that of Sue Ranalli and we exchanged hugs and pleasantries. As exhausted as I was I looked around more before noticing all of the food she had provided. It was like one of the spreads from the many birthday parties I held within the walls of Ranalli’s on Clark which was under Tower Records at Clark and Belden. I made a plate and sat and was then introduced to Steve’s sister Dolly who I had been communicating with over the weeks through email. She was very gracious and seemed as fun loving and friendly as her brother.

By 730 the bar was getting crowded mostly with former staff and regulars from Ranalli’s. For a moment all of us huddled at he middle of the bar it seemed like old days. Only we were all now a few years older and much in our lives had changed yet I was surprised to learn how many of us still lived in the same places as we did last we saw each other. By the 8 o’clock hour the place was overcrowded and me being exhausted and feeling claustrophobic made an exit a little after 8. As I left more and more Ranalli’s staffers were coming in. It was sweet but bittersweet given the circumstances of this reunion. The likes that the passing of one such as Steve Beshekas could bring.

In a nutshell it was a great feeling overall seeing so many old friends and I wish there was a way, to do something like this on an annual basis. And since it looks like I won;t be leaving Chicago anytime in the near future maybe in addition to getting back in the habit of promoting events and whoring out the MK ULTRA moniker, I can try to put an annual together. Time shall tell.

- az

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John Belushi’s pal who ran secret Old Town club dies at 62

BY MAUREEN O’DONNELL Staff Reporter mdonnell@suntimes.com December 29, 2011 5:46PM

Steve Beshekas ran a clandestine club that was the hottest ticket in town — maybe the country.

He managed the Sneak Joint, an Old Town hangout for two big stars who were “on a mission from God” as they filmed a movie that showed Chicago in all its rustbelt glory.

After stocking the Sneak Joint with liquor and a great jukebox, John Belushi hired the gregarious Mr. Beshekas — whom he’d known since they were young men in Wheaton and Villa Park — to operate the private club for him and Dan Aykroyd.

After a long day of crashing cars, fighting Illinois Nazis and singin’ the blues, Belushi and Aykroyd, aka Joliet Jake and Elwood, wanted a place where they could let off steam from making the 1980 film “The Blues Brothers.”

You never knew who was going to walk into the joint near North and Wells. Jackson Browne, the Eagles, Robin Williams and the gang from Second City dropped by and hung out with Mr. Beshekas.

“He was at the epicenter of a lot of fun,” said Belushi’s widow, Judy Belushi Pisano. “Steve was one of John’s best friends.”

“People offered huge money to get in there,” said Second City and Saturday Night Live alum Tim Kazurinsky. “It was the least glamorous place you could imagine, but it became mythic.”

Mr. Beshekas knew how to be a great host. “Treat the stars like folks,” he’d say, “and the folks like stars.”

If Beshekas’ name sounds familiar, it may be because Belushi routinely dropped the name when he was roaring through Saturday Night Live as one of its original Not Ready for Prime Time Players. When Belushi had to introduce himself in a skit, he’d often say, “I’m Steve Beshekas.”

“Anytime he needed a name, he’d say ‘Steve Beshekas,’” said his sister, Dolly Beshekas Rada.

Mr. Beshekas, 62, died last month in a fire in his apartment in the 500 block of West Wellington. Authorities said it may have begun from his own cigarette, but his sisters say that couldn’t have been. After years of running clubs, Steve hated smoking, said Dolly and another sister, Cookie Beshekas Brandt.

A neighbor said Steve was safely outside, but ran back into his apartment to try to save his cat, Yoda. The cat survived the fire — barely — but had to be euthanized, Dolly Rada said.

Mr. Beshekas had always been an animal lover, Cookie said — the kid who freed the lightning bugs from the jar when the other kids weren’t looking; the boy who couldn’t shoot a deer on a hunting trip.

An autopsy showed Mr. Beshekas was intoxicated. His sisters said he sometimes drank more than they liked. He had trouble finding a job, they said, after the closure of the restaurant where he had been a manager, Ranalli’s on Clark.

“The recession was bad, and he says to me, ‘Who wants a 60-year-old bartender?’ ” Cookie recalled. “I think he drank a little bit too much, had a little bit too much free time on his hands.”

And after his friend Belushi died in 1982 of a drug overdose at the Chateau Marmont in Hollywood, Mr. Beshekas “was never the same,” Dolly said.

He told his sisters: “ ‘If I was there, he wouldn’t have died.’” Mr. Beshekas was a pallbearer at Belushi’s funeral.

Mr. Beshekas grew up in Villa Park and went to Willowbrook High School. He dabbled in theater and football, and hung out with teammate Tino Insana, a Belushi buddy who would go on to be a busy Hollywood voice actor.

With their Mediterranean and Orthodox backgrounds, Belushi and Beshekas hit it off, Cookie said. Mr. Beshekas, Belushi and Insana formed a comedy improv troupe, the West Compass Players. They visited the Urbana-Champaign area, where Judy studied at the University of Illinois. At one point, singer “Dan Fogelberg opened the show for them,” Pisano said.

When Belushi and Insana were accepted at Second City — and Beshekas was not — “he never begrudged them going on to better things,” Kazurinsky said.

And Belushi and Insana “never stopped being great pals to Steve,” Kazurinsky said. “He was really a gracious and fun guy. He always had a smile and a slap on the back for you.”

“He always wanted to be the host,” said Cookie. “Even going to the hardware store, if he didn’t make somebody laugh, he felt like he wasn’t living up to what he needed to do.”

Mr. Beshekas cut a commanding figure. His lush head of hair and luxurious moustache made him resemble “a Greek god,” his sisters said. “He had the long hair and the earring,” Dolly said, “and my dad’s freaking out — you know, an old Greek: ‘Get a haircut!’”

After the Sneak Joint, “We helped him get established in another place,” said Pisano. Mr. Beshekas opened U.S. Blues Bar at 1446 N. Wells.

Things went well for a time, his sisters said. The bar sported Blues Brothers memorabilia, including a car model that hung from the ceiling, said Pisano.

But his marriage broke up; the building sold. A new lease was hard to come by. “He was a good host,” Cookie said, “but not with paperwork.’’

Mr. Beshekas is also survived by a nephew and three nieces who will miss his practical jokes.

A celebration of his life is planned in Chicago in the New Year, said his friend, musician Pete Special.

Contributing: James Scalzitti

February 1, 2012

Man B Que Meating at Casa Diablo

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I look at this video and look back and realize even with so much testosterone at Casa Diablo on the first man B Que Meating of 2012 nothing was broken, or damaged, mess was limited to the porch where some spillage of grease, beer and sauces/condiments . The trash was taken out, pans and pots were soaked and all of the beer containers were off the premises before I even went to bed. Amazing when I think over the past year how much of my finer china and dinnerware had be busted and what could be salvaged had been glued back together being the items are imply irreplaceable. My wine bar, a casualty waiting to happen with all the men around didn’t even get bumped into, and most of those items are also irreplaceable.

Maybe life is more subdued and even bordering on boring sometimes as of late, but not having my property, my collection, my home and my own self disrespected is not something I will let happen once more within those walls as long as I live there.

Thanks to the men of Man B Que, and thanks to all of my guests past and present who understand why I have what I have and why it means so much, to me. Rock Stars and real Porn Stars have had the wildest times at Casa Diablo with no damage to anything other than what may have resulted in a hangover of sleep deprivation.

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This was Joe’s first Man B Que event, now he’s a full fledged member

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January 28, 2012

The Hangover

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Saturday morning, playing the new Leonard Cohen, “Old Ideas”. Though I reported on the album via NPR earlier in the week, thank you to Morgan for inspiring me to listen to it.

www.npr.org/2012/01/22/145340430/first-listen-leonard-cohen-old-ideas

Maybe it was beer, I don’t know. Maybe it’s the fact that I haven’t had any alcohol in my systems since New Years Eve, but after drinking beer at Man B Que Thursday night, which I hosted here at Casa Diablo, I felt raked over the coals all day at work yesterday, and though I recognize it had a lot to do with lack of sleep, it’s evident that I’m out of practice. And I’m not thinking that it’s a bad thing. I do believe I’ll allow the seasoned boozer take a back seat for awhile.

After 3 nights of getting my home ready for it’s first Man B Que Meating, including outdoor lighting, covering baking pans in tin foil, the purchase of a smaller table top charcoal grill, and getting the charcoal to ignite, and other smaller random details, I was ready. Since 2007 I have been hosting dinner parties and BBQ’s at my home but this was differently. Instead of 3-4 cooks which have typically been Dale, Bando, and myself and Ed Kowolski once, there would be about 2 dozen, and when they arrived, they arrived in packs and big numbers. Never did I ever have so many people in my house at one time, and that’s an understatement. There was barely any room to move on the deck or outside the deck in the stairwell and my kitchen was packed as well and that was to be expected. The aroma of the spices and meats that were cooking was something I wish was possible to bottle. I wish my kitchen was as pleasing to the scent of smell exactly in this manner more often. In a nutshell it proved to be very pleasing.

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I bought a 12 of Tecate and my friend Joe matched it. Jesse one of the MBQ founding fathers brought a fine assortment of New Glarus ale. There were a lot of craft beers as well as some PBR which for some reason that escapes my understanding is preferred by some people though it has become adopted by filthy hipsters, and one thing I took notice of, I never recall seeing any Miller or Budweiser products at these events. Not a bad thing but I’d drink a Miller (not High Life) or Bud before PBQ, ever.

The judging of the best dish came before 10 PM and I had to drink from the Manly Cup, which was not anticipating but was not as bad as I had imagined. Michael “Magoober” McAllister took home the best recipe award with his homemade curry lemon sausage topped with homemade ginger slaw.

I was pleased when I got so much help in cleaning and Joe stayed a bit later and took out the trash. Rick “Thumbs” Linus and I hung out and watched some things on DVD before he left and I went to sleep. When the alarm woke me I felt like Billy Bob Thornton in Bad Santa and then I was off to work.

I did my best to dress warm but didn’t clean up my hiking shoes which I wore and just threw on oversized HBO sweatshirt and jeans. Lucky for me the office goes casual on Friday. But as luck would have it, I was surrounded by beautiful Chicago business women on the commute and feel like I was being sized up. That was most likely paranoia and guilt.

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How I used to live life drinking as much as did did over the past two years is a mystery to me. I’ve learned several things over the first few weeks of the new year and one is how good and energetic I do feel when I go on long sober binges, a practice which I intend to indulge more into as we move into the thaw.

Last night I was in bed at 930 and fell fast to sleep, woke up only 3 x to urinate, and got out of bed at 8 AM. I feel amazing.

Today is the real test. My dear friend Lula who I haven’t spent quality time with the last few years is coming over and I do believe Bryan is as well. I have a bottle of vodka and B has some burgers and beer and when I wake tomorrow I’ll discover if I need to cut out celebrating on the weekend.

But before that it’s laundry day and I have to pick up the bed for the guest room and then that goal is compete and I can scratch it off my to do list.

Thanks to my Man B Que brothers for another great night and to Adam Palmer for the great native American Taco meat he left for me which I am having for brekfast along with V8 something new I’ve added to my daily routine. 2012, is about health for AZ.

Carpe Diem

January 26, 2012

Decembers Done

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Okay, it took three weeks of living, two weeks of illness and two weeks to write but the December 2011 DOD installment is now complete.

Scroll down to “Polo Is Her Life”.

Tonight I begin living, breathing and tasting 2012 !

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January 25, 2012

Another Deadly Sin

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A 2.5 lb sub that served as lunch, dinner and will serve as lunch again.

Gluttony.

It’s been a very busy week for ol AZ both personally as well as professionally. As I prepare to host the first Man B Que meating of 2012 at casa Diablo tomorrow night, there is much to be done in preparation for such a feastivity and above all superseding even the weathers participation is lighting. So with a quick detour on my commute home last evening I went to Home Depot and picked up some outdoor lighting accessories. I also purchased a small table top charcoal grill to compliment my gas grill which after serving me well since 2007 will be retired before summer.

Monday I actually ate lunch from Taco Bell and maybe because it was close proximity to where I had to run errands during my lunch break but it s an evil I will never ever again be tempted by. Sometimes convenience and shortcuts aren’t in my personal best interest. It seems to be that way in every case, taking the easy way just never works for me. But what I chose to spoil myself with dinner shall not be looked upon in that manner. After running more errands after work getting some household necessities being my life is on the edge of actually getting really busy for the first time this year I ordered Papa Johns Pizza, a nice garden (all veggie) pie and an order of wings. This would go on to provide 3 meals more me and well worth it. This was the very first pizza I’ve had since last September. I have been painfully aware of my sodium intake as well as making other healthier choices. On this day of January 2012, I did not.

I called Ed Kowolski who was overdue for a friendly chat and needless to say got a very good night of sleep, which is something else I’ve enjoyed the luxury of on a consistent basis as of late. Not to be taken for granted by this longer suffering insomniac.

After a week of not having much work suddenly the contracts were dumped upon me and right when I could actually bill 11.5 daily hours, my life gets busy. Why didn’t my mother tell me there’s be days like these.

I have not had a drink of any type of alcohol since New Years Eve and I am now on the eve of my first beer of the New Year at tomorrows Man B Que event. A Tecate sure is going to go down well and I’m grilling up 4 lbs of my flaming hot chicken legs. The same recipe I treated Dylan to and the same I made Xmas day for Chucky. I am also going to treat myself with a bottle of vodka for the weekend and am ISO some company as I shall not do this alone. Worthy drinking partners are not so easy to come by these days, I miss that kindred spirit.

In three weeks it’s Motorhead weekend, the beautiful Michelle Raines with her new boobies are flying in from Phoenix, and my partner in drink, Morgan Russell is flying in from Colorado for a long weekend and both are holding up at Casa Diablo. It will be my first booze fueled weekend of the new year. A complete 180 from last year at this time or even 6 months ago.

“A smile can open a heart quicker than a key can open a door.” - Javan

I end with this quote from my favorite poet of the 1980’s a man whose books complimented my journey from the person I was born to the man I slowly evolved into through the early 90’s. This was triggered by a very brief encounter on my way to the Clinton Blue Line train station last night just about 7 PM. As I crossed the street to descend down the stairwell into the tunnel I was passed by a pretty blonde who had bright eyes and when we made eye contact we both smiled as we were the only two on the dark and cold Chicago street. That innocent yet provocative smile brightened my evening. It was comforting and the only ticket I needed to get through the detour I had to take on the way home.

My words go unheard in the wind dear lady, thank you.

It’s a shame there aren’t more people like that in this city. But again, if there was a fleeting moment such as mentioned would not hold this particular signification.

Carpe Diem!

(I’m still finishing December 2012 Diary deadline Thursday morning)

January 20, 2012

MOODY

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I’m in a great mood and it can be blamed directly on the fact that I’ve just listened to the entire Ministry Relapse album. I’ll have a review up tomorrow and this thing is fun. So for everyone who have bitched about the last 4 or more records being so political they can all shut the fuck up. The sounds are great, the samples very appropriate and the lyrics are a riot. I’m looking forward to all of my Man B Que brothers getting to hear this next Thursday night.

*Double Tap

Ten fucking years trying to track this guy around
We always knew Pakistan is where he’d be found
All’s we need’s the go-ahead then he goes down
Double tap to the head then he gets drowned

*FreeFall

I pissed away over ten million dollars
On dope and crack
I passed away deader than a door knob
But now I’m back

*Relapse

Well surgeons cut to heel you
Axe murders cut to kill you
Well I’m filthy rich and I’m horny
But you just fucking bore me

I relapse you laugh
I feel it coming
A total collapse

I just bitch and moan about all my groans

I’m headed for a relapse

Well I love life to death
But I also love crystal meth
But those two don’t usually get along
And a lot of people think that’s wrong

*Weekend Warrior

Now Friday night was no surprise
And I hit Saturday in perfect stride
Then Sunday comes with no regrets
It’s time to dry out
Oh you wanna bet?
The weekend isn’t over yet

Yeah I’m a weekend warrior
I’m a weekend warrior

I know you hate to love to see me this way
You wanna be there when I need to be saved
But when tomorrow turns out just like today
You’ll wish you never let me out of my cage

Oh bitch you’re gonna fucking pay

*Bloodlust

I want blood because I’m vicious
I want your soul
I wanna own your thought
I want power
I want money
I got needs and nothing can’t be bought

Greed and arrogance
Justice not in evidence

And here’s a little Al and Tommy as sort of a Statler and Waldorf from the Muppet Show. This is the funniest webisode they’ve done yet.

Also got news this week that I’ll be in Dallas TX for the first time since 1983 for Valerie Kenwell’s wedding Memorial Day weekend. I found a great deal on a very nice place to stay, the MCM Elegante Hotel & Suites. It’ll be cool and Friday night I get to hang out w/my ol buddy Bear from the band BILE. The wedding is going to be very religious and reception is dry so I’m sure the hotel bar will be happy to accommodate me, or I can just pull an HST. They also have a very nice pool.

As far as my health is concerned, I’m still feeling great, 100% again and full of energy. I’m sleeping better than ever and for some reason pretty happy overall. There must be something comforting in my future.

I’m almost finished with the confessions from my travels last month. It took all week but I did finish the part about New Orleans. Tomorrow I’ll tap it off with the Indianapolis trip and then move forward as I always do. That’s the story of my life, moving forward.

In closing I finished The Walking Dead seasons 1 and 2 and the webisodes 1.5 and am totally engulfed in this storyline. They really pay homage to the Romero version and for that I cannot complain. I’m just blown away by it. Having this after a week of American Horror Story has certainly contributed to my good mood. I am certainly entertained.

January 19, 2012

Thanks for the Memories

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As I browsed the internet for a photo to add to the scoop today that JBTV was going nationwide I came across the image above after I put JBTV Alex Zander into google image seach.

It brought back memories of doing that show. Jerry and his crew had me on as a guest a total of five times over the years and they always supported me in my endeavors whether it be a new issue of MK ULTRA, the Alc O Holiday concert at Cubby Bear, going out as MK Magazine or when I hosted the Sc Fi Striptacular burlesque show which sold out thanks in part to promotion on JBTV.

Here’s to the show, the producer and founder and his crew! May these dozen markets take you even further as you get the success that you’ve long deserved.

Thank you Jerry! - AZ

January 16, 2012

The joy of being elated after feeling like I’ve wanted to die. (w/ frozen egg pix for Dr. Ann Gard)

Please note: the story in progress from Dec 2011 is still in works of being complete. Please check back if your interested for developments.

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A lone egg outside at Casa Diablo to freeze

I’ve pretty much been sick with some sort of flu since the new year kicked off. Today is my first work day that I feel 100% and am not sweating and coughing. Two weeks ago I went home from work ill twice. A week ago I went to the ER. I’m going to go ahead and divulge openly for the first time what my condition was. I was suffering from Priapism, and due to it I felt like I wanted to die.

The condition wasn’t 24 hrs a day but off and on over two weeks, mostly on. With it my vision also suffered. When it’s 20 degrees and windy out and I was walking to work at half staff it was anything but pleasant. It may have been one of the most miserable feelings I’ve ever suffered since a pinched nerve sent me to the ER and specialists for weeks back in the 90’s.

Some of my friends may immediately suggest it is from Viagra or Cialis but I can assure everyone it is not. I haven’t taken either since at least October. All I know it that it was somehow strangely associated w/ the flu I had. And I had it bad.

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What a frozen egg looks like after it is peeled

Since New Years Eve I have not a drink. Looking at my next weekend there is an event I wanted to attend but I may very well skip it. I have Man B Que coming up on the 26th which I am happy to be hosting this time, as well as a memorial to Steven Beshekas the week after. I figure I can cool my heels till the Motorhead weekend when Michelle Raines is flying in from Arizona and Morgan Russell from Colorado to spend that weekend with me. And we also have a nice show I’ve set up at the Horseshoe Chicago on N Lincoln with the Alder Kings.

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This weekend I entered the Johnsonville Kitchens 2012 Chili Contest and ventured out Saturday afternoon for the ingredients. I soaked the beans overnight Saturday and watched movies and DVD’s all weekend keeping myself in and out of the cold weather so I may heal completely. I had a really good time catching up on shows.

FROM MY FACEBOOK POST SATURDAY JAN. 14, 2012

So I layer up and strap on my hiking backpack and head out for supplies for this Johnsonville Kitchens 2012 Chili Challenge. How hard can it be to find the Johnsonville brand sausage specified in the contest rules? First mistake, I go to the damned Jungle Jewel 4355 N Sheridan Ave (between Broadway St & Montrose Ave) Chicago. Really, my instincts should have known better. This dump only has pre-cooked Johnsonville brats. So let it be written in stone that on this day of January, 14, 2012 I will NEVER shop for anything other than beer at liquor at this establishment which has been a pain in my and my friends asses ever since first going there in 2005! Never again.

After some hunting I found Johnsonville Italian Sausage at Target.

Beans are soaking and the games shall begin! - az

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Over the past week I’ve enjoyed the entire first season of American Horror Story which I’ve described and the creepiest and most eerie show I’ve ever seen produced for television. Nothing like that CW fluff Supernatural, Vampire Diaries, The Secret Circle or even that long forgotten Charmed. Those show all feature people that look and dress, and live exactly the same somewhere in CW World. This show is very supernatural and is the most paranormal offering I’ve seen in ages. I give it my highest rating of all.

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Making jalapeno cornbread cake

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Alejandro Diablo’s Hellfire Chili (see recipe below)

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AZ’s very first Jalapeno Cornbread Cake

I also finished the fourth season of True Blood a show that has worn thin on me after going too far in its silliness on their last season. There is a season 5 in the works. Sookie is a brat that has finally gotten on my nerves and bodies just keep piling up and nobody ever seems to face murder charges. Fucking ridiculous. But I really draw the line an Were Panthers. It’s just too much.

I wrapped the entire Justified series last week and it’s another refreshing show I’ve missed by not having cable, and I am just about through the last season of Entourage which I missed most of the final two seasons.

Yesterday I started The Walking Dead which I’ve found enjoyable. And I also saw a great documentary on the West Memphis 3 (the movement which MK got behind years ago) on HBO called Paradise Lost 3: Purgatory.

So within all of my self imposed isolation from all things living, and life in general I’ve fully recuperated, caught up on a lot of well produced entertainment and remained sober.

Again, I am not getting on anytime of wagon, I’ve just decided to slow down and not abuse myself so regularly for no other reason than to pass time.

Recipe for Alejandro Diablos Hellfire Chili (non meant version)

1 lb bag 16 count bean mix
1 28 oz diced tomatoes
4 10 oz cans diced tomatoes w/ green chiles
1lb cut corn, yellow
1/2 yellow onion
1 lb sliced mushrooms
4 large jalapenos sliced
2 banana peppers sliced
1 poblamo pepper sliced
1 red bell, 1 green bell, 1 yellow bell and 1 orange bell pepper diced
1/2 bottle sriracha hot chile sauce
1/2 bottle horseradish/wasabi sauce
1 teaspoon sea salt
1 tablespoon ground African hot pepper
1 teaspoon crushed Jolokia (ghost chile) pepper
3 cups water

Soak beans overnight, boil till tender, add all ingredients and cook on low for 2 hours

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