Did some toot, yeah we had a blow, Look man, no holes, real nose When he says hi he really means the moon, He was there long before armstrong He stays loose, he says, fill her up, For eternal youth from those swiss docs. He’s thirty but he feels like sixteen, Check it out: yep, hundred-n-sixteen!

New Glarus here I come.


I feel more energetic and healthier than I have in a couple of months. I have to be honest and cast the blame on really good sleep. Thank you Dr.Tong. Things are work seem more secure and stable since last July and for that I blame persistence. In a nutshell I’m happy and in a very good mood, despite the fact that I left my keys at home and arrived at the office 2 hours early. Luckily I remembered the code to punch in from outside or I would have been screwed till someone got there.


Tonight I pack for my 545 morning bus ride out of the loop and into the rolling hills of Green County WI.  have lunch with Renee and then I’ll do some time in the jacuzzi and the sauna before dinner with Mike and Steff at 6P. Jay Panick may or may not be joining us. Otherwise it’s AZ solo mixing with the fine folks of New Glarus for as long as I can.


Saturday, Dale and Anne will arrive. We have plans for lunch at Toffler’s and a trip to the Brewery and dinner back at the NG Hotel which isn’t really a hotel.


There is sometimes confusion about why the New Glarus Hotel Restaurant is called a hotel when it primarily serves guests as a restaurant. The reason is simple: history. The building began its life as a hotel, housing salesmen, travelers, and those awaiting the services of nearby livery stables or harness makers.


The hotel’s main dining room was once an old opera house. Traveling stock shows and vaudeville revues were billed often at the old theater. It later featured silent movies, complete with pianists. The first motion picture in the village was shown in the hall in 1922. Talking movies were introduced in 1930. But the stage stood mostly dark and silent from 1950 until 1965. It was then converted into a Swiss-style Yodel Club, complete with restaurant. While yodeling is now mostly reserved for performances, the authentic Swiss-style dining experience still endures.


As always I’m staying at one of my favorite hotels, the Chalet Landhaus Inn which was influenced by a small canton in northeast Switzerland, the beautiful Swiss-style inn was a grand vision by a cheesemaker, restauranteur, architect, and printer. The dream became a reality in 1980 and has been a treasure of New Glarus ever since it was built. The Chalet Landhaus Inn was built in a traditional Swiss style with a perfect blend of modern convenience and old-world Swiss décor.


The New Glarus Brewing Company has been one of the most award-winning brewers of its size. It won two bronze medals at the 2009 Great American Beer Festival in Denver. Spotted Cow has won a variety of awards over the years, including Best Drink in Wisconsin in 2009 by Bon Appetit magazine.


New Glarus beers are distributed exclusively in Wisconsin by 17 independent wholesalers. In 2009, a New York City bar was raided and fined for illegally selling Spotted Cow. In 2015, a bar in Maple Grove, Minnesota, also was caught illegally selling Spotted Cow after the establishment’s owner allegedly purchased kegs in Wisconsin and took them back to Minnesota for retail sale.


I’m such a huge fan of the culture which ooze’s from out of New Glarus, the varied accents, traditional attire, food etc. Over the years I’ve made many friends with the locals and befriended many of the business owners. Pete Berwick played my ill-fated 50th birthday party 12/13/14 which was attended by people from many miles and states away and he played there again on 7/12/2015 which was the last time I was in New Glarus as 2 weeks later I was on a cane and a certified cripple. That was also the last time I was camping and lost two of my tents and a lot of gear due to a horrendous storm, which I don’t even have photos of being that I also lost two cameras.


This great mood I’m dragging with me to my second home, New Glarus, which I’ll see again when I go camping Memorial Day Weekend. Between now and then it’s another trip to Florida. 

Well, lived my life and never stopped to worry ’bout a thing Opened up and shouted out and never tried to sing

Hoping for a weekend full of laughter and fun as well as a toast to Michael Ganshert’s retirement from the poop plant. Oddly most of my friends will be either in Anaheim, CA or Las Vegas, NV this weekend while I’ll be in New Glarus WI.


“The art of life is the art of avoiding pain; and he is the best pilot, who steers clearest of the rocks and shoals with which it is beset.” ― Thomas Jefferson

It’ll be nice to pay no attention to the debate over the Presidential Inauguration for a change and not have to be in the loop to deal with all of the protests and marchs that are planned by masses while I’m away. Knowing that the next four years won’t be a cake walk is one thing, but crying over it for the next four years makes no sense to me at all. It is a fact so I just wish everyone would just “human up” (is that PC enough?) and deal with it. Wake up and smell the coffee, or bourbon, we’re still living in a great big shopping mall.

“It just seems to me, that only a really low IQ population could have taken this beautiful continent, this magnificent American landscape that we inherited. Well actually we stole it from the Mexicans and the Indians, but hey, it was nice when we stole it. Looked pretty good, it was pristine. Paradise. Have you seen it lately? Have you taken a good look at it lately? It’s fucking embarrasing. Only a nation of unenlightened half-wits could have taken this beautiful place and turned it into what it is today – a shopping mall. A big fucking shopping mall. You know that, that’s all you’ve got here, folks. Mile after mile after mile of malls after malls. Many, many malls. Major malls and mini malls. They put the mini malls in between the major malls, and in between the mini malls, they put the mini marts. And in between the mini marts, you got the car lots, gas stations, muffler shops, laundry mats, cheap motels, fast food joints, strip clubs and dirty bookstores. America the beautiful. One big transcontinental commercial cesspool. And how do the people feel about all this? How do people feel about living in a coast to coast shopping mall? Well they think it’s JUST FUCKING DANDY!

Americans love the mall. That’s where they get to satisfy their two most prominent addictions at the same time. Shopping and Eating. Millions of semi-conscious Americans, day-after-day shuffling through the malls… Shopping and Eating, especially Eating. Americans love to eat. They are fatally attracted to the slow-death of fast food. Hot dogs, corn dogs, triple bacon cheeseburgers, deep-fried, butter-dipped in pork fat and cheesewhiz, mayonnaise soaked barbecue, mozzarella patty melts. Americans will eat anything. Anything. Anything.

Shit, if you were selling sautéed raccoon’s assholes on a stick, Americans would buy them and eat them! Especially if you were to dip them in butter and put a little salsa on them! ”  -- George Carlin

Every night for a week I’ve been playing the unreleased Cheap Trick -Steve Albini Sessions 1997 and I cannot get enough. Endless thanks to my good friend in Rockford who shares the same management as the band. I didn’t even know this existed till a week ago. 

It was last week that I came across a piece in Rolling Stone titled “10 Insanely Great Cheap Trick Songs Only Hardcore Fans Know”. I reached out to Adam and got files to some really great stuff that I’ll play as I do the 40th Anniversary version of The Doors LA Woman till I leave this mortal coil.

Legendary post-hardcore and alt-rock producer Steve Albini (Nirvana, Pixies, the Jesus Lizard) has always been an outspoken advocate for Cheap Trick, and his group Big Black once went so far as to cover the band’s “He’s a Whore” for a 1987 seven-inch. In 1997, Albini invited Cheap Trick to Electrical Audio, his Chicago studio, and had the band re-record their entire 1977 sophomore album, In Color, which fans have often derided for its saccharine production. The results of these sessions were never officially released, but as a listener can hear on this impossibly heavy reinvention of “Clock Strikes Ten,” a song whose original version topped the Japanese charts, it’s no surprise that Nirvana frontman Kurt Cobain once proclaimed, “We sound just like Cheap Trick, only the guitars are louder.”

- April 5, 2016 By Tom Beaujour

But in what it lacks, it’s got a taste that smacks of somethin’ irresistible

Dinner with old friends tonight TAC Quick

Beloved for its generous portions and authentic Thai dishes, TAC Quick first opened in Lakeview in June 2003. TAC, which stands for Thai Authentic Cuisine, quickly gained a reputation for inexpensive and artful meals and has several years of Michelin Bib Gourmand awards under its belt.


My workday was short on Friday the 13th and I left the office at 1P and went to my mailbox and then to Michaels for some items to help cataloging material for the MK ULTRA archieves which is the first step in getting the coffee table hardback together. Afterwards I went upstairs to Marshall’s for a little “Beavis and Butthead” humor by putting together letters to form words that juvenile schhol boys would find funny. When I spelled out BALLS a lady customer caught me and said that’s a good one.




I chilled out at home for 2 hours after and met Max at Tack Quick for drinks before his Dallas trip. Greg Duncan, Greg Miner and Ash met us at 6P and we were seated for dinner. It was very nice and of course tasty as always. I ordered the Clay Pot Lover Entree choice of protein stir-fried with glass noodles, jumbo shrimp, ginger, garlic, baby corn, pea pods, napa, onion, bell peppers and carrots with their own signature sauce.


When dinners was over me and the two Greg’s went up to my place and broke open a bottle of Jamo and we sat around listening to the Doors LA WOMAN 40th Anniversary Edition CD. Greg Duncan stayed over and we watched The Comedy Central Roast of William Shatner which would prove to be the final thing ever played on my region free DVD player. The next morning after breakfast at El Palmar it would no longer play DVD’s. So now I’m left with no choice but to purchase a region free Blu Ray DVD player. It’s something that was on my short list anyway. 

Breakfast at El Palmar has become a “rite of passage” for guests for many years now and Saturday would be no exception. I figured it was a lazy weekend anyway so we picked up a bottle of Jack and since we both have great admiration for NASA I showed Greg the first two episodes of MARS. 

By mid-afternoon he was gone and I went to bed much too early. Woke up at 3AM watched Smallville, took a sleeping pill and stayed in bed till just after 8AM. My Sunday was as low key as many. I went grocery shopping and watched Apollo 13, John Adams, Walking Dead and Smallville all afternoon and into the night as I would take breaks to cook a dish or two for my upcoming week so I wouldn’t have to make a mess before heading off to New Glarus. I was very impressed with John Adams and it was nice to see two of my heroes on the screen, Ben Franklin and Thomas Jefferson. George Washington was also very well cast. I only took two calls, one from my brother and the other from Ash. I was in bed at 930 and had a great night of solid sleep.


New Glarus is right over the horizon. 

New Glarus, WI Weather Forecast

Hot sticky scenes, you know what I mean

Much like last year I already have 2 CHEAP TRICK shows lined up. 


MK ULTRA Mobile Office in the haus!

Jared Louche Drink in hand and pants NOWHERE TO BE SEEN. You one stylish bitch, brother!

Cascade Drive-In West Chicago, IL only 40 miles from my home

 I’m very happy about this and it turns out I know the owners


“Is sex dirty? Only when it’s being done right.”
― Woody Allen

I cannot believe I’ve actually quoted Woody Allen, but these words are so very true.

Work has been busier for me now than it has been in a year. I love it. I’m sleeping better than ever and I’m busier than ever outside of the office.

 Last night after work I spoke to Larry, owner of Born A Babe and also the head of The CHICAGO SEXCON about his upcoming April 26th event at Volkan Night Club. We confirmed my buddy Isaac’s band SLEEZE for part of the musical entertainment and who Larry is also a huge fan of. We actually came up with a new slogan for the band which Isaac loves. I also suggested bringing turn of the century adult superstar Gauge back to town for the event. I reached out to her and she’s game, Larry’s game and now we just need to work on the details. Larry is a great guy to talk shop with. It’s great having someone on a local level who is even more connected to the industry than me and whom I have great respect for. He’s a fun guy, but don’t get me wrong, with Larry it’s business first.


Gauge (born July 24, 1980) is the stage name of an American pornographic actress and featured dancer.

Gauge entered the pornographic film industry in 1999 at the age of nineteen. After having appeared in about 140 movies, she left the industry in 2005 due to a contract dispute with her management company. She was certified as a surgical technologist, but she reported that she was often turned down for jobs because of her adult film career.

While Gauge was studying to become a surgical technician, an anesthesia student recognized Gauge from her adult film career, word quickly spread through the hospital staff that there was a porn star among their ranks, and, when Gauge was set to graduate, she said that no one at the unnamed hospital would sign off on her required hours. Gauge has also claimed that while “working at a hospital” that her “boss hit on her”, and she was unable to convince the hospital’s complaints department that the incident actually happened, so she ended up giving her notice.

In August 2013, she announced that she was mounting a comeback in adult films, with a feature for Brazzers. In September 2013, her story was featured in an article on Salon entitled “Fired for doing porn: The new employment discrimination”.

“If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, then you’re going to get selfish, ignorant politicians.”  - George Carlin

Greg was supposed to be back in the city last night and at he and Bree’s apartment. We have dinner plans for after work tomorrow. So far Ash, Grego, and Max are supposed to join us I hope the plans don’t fall through because I hate nothing more than when that happens, without good reason.

No other plans for the weekend other than to get the house into order. I’ve been digging items out of the archives for the MK ULTRA retrospect book and it’s literally a pain in the ass. But anything can happen at the last minute so I can’t really guarantee I’ll have a lot of down time.

One week from now I’ll be halfway to Madison WI where I’ll meet Renee for a ride into New Glarus. I really need this getaway and getting more and more excited as the day approaches. Mike Ganshert retired last week so we’ll have to have a couple celebratory cocktails.

“Nature knows no indecencies, man invents them.”

- Mark Twain

@alexzander714 you 2 look like you came from a Gypsy Sex Trafficker Convention…and that grin doesn’t help your case

Laurel and Bree Sutherland Obituary

Greg Duncan‘s eulogy to Bree A. Sutherland today was so touching and choked me up so bad I nearly had to walk out of the funeral services. My multi talented friend/brother is a helluva beautiful writer.- alex zander

Laurel Ashley Sutherland, age 41 years and her sister, Bree Anne Sutherland, age 37 years, both formerly of Niles, Michigan died together of injuries from a motor vehicle accident at 4:10 p.m. on Monday, December 26, 2016 at the intersection of Warren Woods Road and Cleveland Avenue in Weesaw Township, Michigan. They were born to Michael G. and Deborah A. (Torrance) Sutherland, Laurel on June 22, 1975 in Monroe, Michigan and Bree on September 17, 1979 in Charlevoix, Michigan. They were each graduated from Brandywine High School in Niles. Laurel earned a double Bachelor’s Degree – Geography and Russian – from Syracuse (New York) University, and Bree earned a Bachelor’s Degree from Western Michigan University (Kalamazoo), and a Master’s Degree in Education from the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. They both moved from college to Chicago, Illinois where Laurel was currently employed as a Senior Account Executive for Avant Healthcare Professionals and Bree was employed as the Director of Learning for the Association Forum of Chicago. Laurel enjoyed traveling throughout the United States and meeting people new to her. She also enjoyed reading books and watching movies, all of which helped her to be a great trivia competitor. She was intelligent, creative, artistic, and earlier had been a proficient seamstress. Her family remembers that she loved all living things: people, children, plants, and animals, and had a smart, witty sense of observational humor. Bree enjoyed social and cultural events including attending Chicago Cubs baseball games, a variety of concert venues, and especially oyster bars. She had recently been taking pottery lessons, and is remembered as a “shining light” full of fun and laughter. They are survived by their parents, Deb and Mike Sutherland of Niles; and aunts, uncles, and cousins including Susan (& Richard) Barnes of Paw Paw, Michigan and their son Skyler, Bill (& Dona) Torrance of Winnetka, California; and Beth (& Robert) McVeigh of Paw Paw, and their daughters, Erin (& Jeremy Kreger and Kathryn Peicyk and grandchildren Sydney, Ronan, Sophia, and Brinley. Laurel was previously married to Alex Feigelson (who has remained a best friend), and Bree is survived by her long-time companion, Greg Duncan. The funeral service for Laurel and Bree Sutherland will be at 3:00 p.m. on Saturday, January 7, 2017 at Hope Community Church in Niles with the Rev. Michael Smith of Hope Church officiating assisted by the Rev. Ray Fulbright of Saint John’s United Church of Christ in Niles and the Rev. Fran Lane-Lawrence of the First Presbyterian Church in Niles. Committal will be private, at a later date, at the Silverbrook Cemetery in Niles. The family will receive relatives and friends beginning at 1:00 p.m. on Saturday at the church. Contributions in memory of Laurel and Bree may be made to the Howard Branch of the Cass District Library, 2341 Yankee Street, Niles, Michigan 49120. 


rAnDoM bItS

Ash pops in 7pm-ish. She’s sad. I wasn’t gonna drink this weAkend. Leaving for a funeral at 11AM. 

Laughs and tells me loves how I go from zero to one hundred in a millisecond when I can’t get my DVD player to do what I want. We watched Avengers Age of Ultron

She’s picking up enchiladas at El Palmar to go, gonna have some of my awesome chili I made this week and I’m have colossal shrimp cocktail. 

My new swimsuit a Kanu Surf Men’s Camo Swim Trunks and Alex Stevens Men’s Ribbed Turtleneck Sweater arrived Saturday while I was in Michigan and I am very happy with both. The ribbed sweater is very dressy and I could not believe the quality.

Sunday I went to Asia on Argyle to do some grocery shopping. It was very very busy. I did notice a lot of white men with Vietmanese women which I didn’t see a whole lot of till then. They were all going to lunch. The grocery stores were 100% Asian with the exception of myself. I wrote about it to my friend Tom who dates a lot of Asian women and travels to Thailand a lot. He repsoned, “I also love the viet ladies- they are still beautiful and attractive in middle age, unlike the thais and latinos!!!” haha

After I put everything away I watched the horror thriller “Bug” and sipped Shannarita’s (the margarita recipe I use that Shannon Brady created while we were dating during the summer of 2012) Also upgraded my OKCupid dating profile to the A-List in order to make my romantic search more fine tuned. This on the advice of my old friend Julie who rode with us to the funeral Saturday. 

I’m really looking forward to my trip to New Glarus coming up. Renee is picking me up in Madison and we’re going to have lunch together. Hopefully I’ll have dinner with Mike and Stef Ganshert Friday night. I’ll get to see first hand now how much renovation Roland has done with the Landhaus and thr hotel restaurant. Dale and Anne will arive early on Saturday. I intend to spend some quality time in the pool area. 




Trazodone Knights

Another street fest memory with Greg and Bree

I managed a ride to Bree and Laurel’s funeral Saturday and another passenger is an old friend Julie who I knew a couple of year before I met Bree. Jules was my favorite bartender at Ranalli’s which ironically is where Bree and I met. Later she would be my local bartender at Street Side where I joined the kickball team in the summer of 2004 and we won the battle of the bars in kickball. This saves me taking AmTrak to and from which would not have left Michigan till 11PM at night. Thanks to Greg Duncan, Adam and all involved. Getting through this will not be easy and I’ve opted for closed casket visitation. Seeing Greg I think will be the most trying part of this journey. His is just beginning.

Also booked a room at the Holiday Inn Express & Suites Waukegan for the March 11 CHEAP TRICK concert. Has a pool and jacuzzi which has great reviews for being clean. I’m looking forward to that trip.

Now onto my Trazadone woes.

Trazodone 50mg which I take two of each night as well as two doses of Melatonin to help me sleep has been working great. But there is a side effect and its a night long raging erection and today I finally decided to investigate and also learned it is used to also treat erectile dysfunction which explains a lot. Talk about a helluva time not to have a girlfriend to sleep with.

Lucid Dreaming:
I’ve also experienced long, vivid and very odd dreams. This also upon investigation is a side effect. My dreams are usually strange enough, but they have been getting much more off the wall lately. Unless I have been drinking and have less REM sleep.

I’m going to stop taking it for now and just stick to an OTC and Melatonin.

Desyrel (Trazodone) 50 mg is an antidepressant that increases serotonin activity in the brain. Trazodone is used for depression, anxiety, sleep and pain. Trazodone is not considered to be habit forming but should be taken exactly as prescribed by the doctor.

Erectile dysfunction treatment:

From the internet: Trazodone Dreams- Vivid, Long and Easy To Remember

The other day I was wandering through my mother’s drug cabinet and researching all of the drugs that I found on the internet for potential recreational value (a favorite past time of mine since high school) when I came across a drug I had never seen in her cabinet before that went by the name of trazodone. I decided to do some research on it to see if it had any potential for recreational use and at first it did not seem to have any use other than that of an anti-depressant at low doses and a sleep aid at higher doses. I quickly lost interest in the drug until I began stumbling on some interesting trip reports on erowid.org. It seemed that many people said that the dreams they had were longer, more vivid and easier to remember. My dreams tend to be fairly short, or at least I only remember small clips of them. My dreams also generally fall on the hazy side. I decided to take one hundred fifty milligrams of trazodone about an hour before I wanted to go to sleep.

The effect it had on my dreaming was profound, to say the least. Never before was I able to recall a sense of self, of actually being in a dream and experiencing it, as I had last night. Normally I feel like I am just moving through my dreams in a kind of daze with out an actual sense of being there but last night I really felt like I was going on a trip to the middle east with my old roommates. Not only did I have that real feeling of being present, but I was able to remember the dream just as well as I can remember anything else in my life. These aren’t hazy, dream-like memories but rather feel more like memories of events that have actually happened in my life. The dream also felt like it lasted almost a day in length.

Another note- I woke up from the initial dream for around five minutes and then went back to sleep. The dream didn’t start back exactly where it left off but it did seem to be almost a sequel to the previous dream.

I thought that this experience was interesting enough to share with the Dream Views community. I see potential for lucidity with this drug due to the fact that I was so much more aware of myself and my surroundings in this dream than usual.

Side Effects of Trazodone & The Cost Of Trazodone Withdrawal

Obviously the side effects vary for each person, but generally, the most common ones can include:

upset stomach
muscle pain
blurred vision YES
restlessness or the inability to sit still
hallucinations YES
chest palpitations
suicidal thoughts and behavior
a painful erection that does not go away YES
hostility or aggression

dizziness, light-headedness, or fainting OH YEAH!

The list goes on and on.

HELL OH 2017: Let There Be RAWK!

Looking forward to EXXXOTICA 2017 Chicago July 14-16

Uli Jon Roth, Graham Bonnet of Rainbow, Frank DiMino of ANGEL in St. Charles IL
Pretty psyched to see this show with Bob Hoeksema who bought me a ticket. I’m going to get in touch with Franks manager and set up an interview since we are both HUGE fans of ANGEL

Uli Jon Roth (Scorpions) “Tokyo Tapes Revisited”

Graham Bonnet doing the music of his career from the bands Alcatrazz, MSG, and Rainbow

and Frank DiMino “The Voice of ANGEL” performing the music of ANGEL and his solo career.

The following weekend I’ll be seeing CHEAP TRICK in Waukegan, IL

Also on my calendar is Prong on May 2nd with Ash at the Concord here in town






Planes, Trains and Automobiles

“I have believed all my life in free thought and free speech- up to and including the utmost limits of the endurable. “

 - H.L. Mencken (September 12, 1880 – January 29, 1956)


“Some people are so sick and jealous that they destroy the energy of their own lives by drowning other peoples spirit. Still I remain free as a bird. The negativity is somewhere  else, but not here, like it doesn’t have the courage to show itself any more. And it won’t show up here, because love, tolerance and compassion live in my abode. Negativity has been a guest that doesn’t stay long after rearing it’s hideous head, and then getting kicked out for good. In my home there has always been a lot of room for friends. A lot of people have tried to abuse my hospitality, but I’m an old fucking fox by now, one that can discern black from white. And the cards say that’s it’s going to be another great year.” 

“No matter how you are to define it, I do not identify with the local group.”

- Dec 29, 2016 617PM

Easy Rider movie quote on ‘Freedom’

George Hanson: You know, this used to be a helluva good country. I can’t understand what’s gone wrong with it.

Billy: Man, everybody got chicken, that’s what happened. Hey, we can’t even get into like, a second-rate hotel, I mean, a second-rate motel, you dig? They think we’re gonna cut their throat or somethin’. They’re scared, man.

George Hanson: They’re not scared of you. They’re scared of what you represent to ‘em.

Billy: Hey, man. All we represent to them, man, is somebody who needs a haircut.

George Hanson: Oh, no. What you represent to them is freedom.

Billy: What the hell is wrong with freedom? That’s what it’s all about.

George Hanson: Oh, yeah, that’s right. That’s what’s it’s all about, all right. But talkin’ about it and bein’ it, that’s two different things. I mean, it’s real hard to be free when you are bought and sold in the marketplace. Of course, don’t ever tell anybody that they’re not free, ’cause then they’re gonna get real busy killin’ and maimin’ to prove to you that they are. Oh, yeah, they’re gonna talk to you, and talk to you, and talk to you about individual freedom. But they see a free individual, it’s gonna scare ‘em.

Billy: Well, it don’t make ‘em runnin’ scared.

George Hanson: No, it makes ‘em dangerous.

“If I didn’t know you so well I wouldn’t believe half of what you post on your diary.”
-Bob (Newwbomb Turk) Hoeksema 12/31/2016

“Think about the things I don’t post. “ – AZ


The Chuck at South Moon BBQ every meat on the same bun and”Kick your mother in the teeth” Southern Fried Potato Salad- Served hot & spicy, fried potatos mixed with green peppers and onions topped off with a homemade sauce.


What a magical year. Compared to 2015 and the pain I lived with any improvement and or relief would have sufficed. I suffered during 2 camping trips and barely made it through EXXXOTICA. As a matter of fact 1/2 way thru Sunday’s event I had to crash in a porn stars room for a few hours since I had already checked out of my own. Max and Brian picked up the slack and before leaving we had dinner with Tory Lane and a friend. 

2016 was a year of healing and transition physically, emotionally and mentally and I kept myself busy through the process. What follows is a summary of that year. 


Jan 2016

I was in more pain that I had been in months. Braved a snow storm on Jan 1 and saw ‘The Hateful 8′ 70 mm version at the Music Box. It was painful just to stand and let people pass me. Patricia’s father had emergency bypass surgery and she was unable to join me. I saved her a program from the showing. I came home, took some pain meds I got from a good friend and spent the day in a chair in front of the TV. The end would be near as I was scheduled to meet with Dr. Brett Levine for an exam and to schedule surgery on Jan 12th. That day he would prescribe me pain meds, Oxycotin, oxycodone acetaminophen, hydrocodone and a lot of others to prep me for surgery which was scheduled for March 15th. I was still crippled but in a lot less pain. Greg Miner was kind enough to take me to Midwest Orthopedic and would be nearby throughout my rehabilitation.

Guests visiting me at home would be few and far between as it had been since early autumn.

Feb 2016

I felt pain free enough to see Deadpool on 2/14 with Max Bravo and though I had very limited mobility the movie proved to be well worth it. Patricia was supposed to visit that weekend but had experienced some issues and would be unable to join me. I doubt I would have been much fun anyway. On 2/29 two weeks prior to surgery I had another appointment for pre-op at Midwest Orthopedic.

March 2016

The Ides of March was approaching. Dale drove in from Iowa to take me shopping, to the hospital and to house sit w/ the cats while I was in the hospital. For the first time in my life I had to use a motorized shopping cart, it was truly a humbling experience. Of course Dale used this as a photo op, as he would on several other occasions over the week. I could not wait to get this hip replacement over with and get on with my life again, as I would with much gusto. Confining a free spirit who is wild at heart in painful itself. It would not be long now. On Tuesday March 15 I was put under for the first time in my life. When I woke up the nurses brought Greg and Dale in to keep me company until I could move into my suite at Elmhurst Memorial. It was not such a bad experience as I had room service, great nurses who were easy on the eyes and the room to myself. The only downside was my sleep would be interrupted a lot by the nurses changing the morphine and whatever else they had plugged into me. Other than Dale and Greg visiting, Bob Hoeksema came by as did Dave Ganz, and I had a big surprise when I was asleep and vised by Laura Ramelli Robare who brought me a cupcake. Valerie Kenwell in Dallas and Christy Nealon in Denver pitched in and sent me an Edible Arrangement bouquet. The nurses thought I was quite popular. By the evening of the 17th I was stir crazy and asked for permission to go home on the 18th as opposed to the 19th. After I had the first of my physical therapy sessions to get me walking again I would walk the halls at night pushing myself to wellness rather than just waiting. By my second session I was on my own and doing stairs. On my way out to Dale’s car one nurse said to the other, “We just need to get someone as nice as him in that room.” I was flattered.

I worked from home the following Monday and Tuesday and was back in office by Wednesday. I had outpatient physical therapy at Athletico Physical Therapy the following Friday and would meet Greg and his Singaporean girlfriend Em Gee at House of Blues to see The Cult. I was just 10 days out of surgery and with the aid of a cane was at my first concert of 2016. I was almost pain free. We got a private opera box after I used my magic and we enjoyed a stellar show. This would be Em Gee’s first concert.

On the 29th I had a post op exam and on the 31st was the opening of an invite only Art Exhibit Celebrating the 25th Anniversary of Pigface at 2112. I took Eden Lake along with me and she had her driver pick me up from work. I didn’t stay but only a couple of hours and it was great to see a lot of familiar faces as I hobbled around on my cane. The next day photos were all over the internet.

April 2016

This month would be more about healing. My goal was to get myself off of the cane.
Finally on Thursday April 14 I escaped my home city of Chicago for the first time in 2016 I joined Pete Berwick who was part of the Lake County Author Showcase- Mystery and Suspense along with Susanna Calkins, Catherine Finger, Frederic Townsend with stories of Intrigue and Suspense. The event lasted a couple of hours and was very nice. I met a few new folks including Pete wife Denise, finally after all of these years. When it was over Pete and I had a late dinner at Sweet Melissa’s Pizza & Pub

On Wed the 27th I attended The 2016 Sexcon show will be held at H.O.M.E. music entertainment center in Arlington Heights IL with Max Bravo. My friend Larry Goone hosts the show every year but this one being where it was located lost a lot of luster. It was bad enough we had horrible hotel accommodations but being so far removed from the city had its share of drawbacks. It was also a very very rainy day. We got out of there before the police shut it down. The upside it was great for networking.

On the 30th I went to see Pete Berwick play at Phyllis’ Musical Inn and it was a lot of fun. I sang with him and an improv makeshift band. I rushed home to catch Cheap Tricks streaming induction into the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame and shed tears of happiness. They were truly a class act and led the all star jam session in grand style.

May 2016

5/1 my first BBQ of the year

5/4/2016 Curse Mackey do to arrive this evening for Pigface25

5/5 Cinco De Mayo and Pigface25 “Welcome to Mexico… Asshole”
Closing Reception w/ DJ Curse Mackey

5/8 With Jay Panick at the Looney Bin for the Tracii Guns show and staying at the Comfort Inn, Bourbonnais

5/18 Prong concert and staying at Harrah’s Joliet Casino & Hotel

5/22 Went out on Bob Hoeksema’s speedboat early that Sunday morning and did the entire Chain of Lakes by noon. 

5/27 Alicia Witt in concert w/ Max Bravo

5/28-30th at the Chain of Lakes w/ Pete Berwick and I was picked up by Valerie Kenwell who was in Illinois from Dallas TX to visit her daughters. I dated her back in the summer of 1983 and remains one of my most trusted friends and confidants.

June 2016

On 6/1 I rode my bike to work the first time since July of 2015. It had been 6 weeks since surgery and I had grasped life again by the horns.

6/3-6/5 Brad, Dawn and Miranda Wattles came to visit from Induanapolis for the weekend.

On 6/9 I took Megabus to Iowa City and this is when I met Ash. We had 5 hours to chat and this would eventually turn into a magical friendship. We got to Iowa City late and Dale drove her to her destination and then went to his place where we’d have a fun filled weekend seeing Cheap Trick and hiking 4 state parks. I had such a good time I stayed and extra day.

6/18 met Greg Duncan for the 6 Corners BBQ Fest in Portage Park

6/25 Spent the afternoon at the Chicago History Museum and the following day took the Southshore Train to Portage IN to meet friends Dave Ganz and Bryant Bohne to eat lots of wings at Quaker Steak and Lube

July 2016

7/1-7/4 2016 Indianapolis July 4 weekend with the Curry family and a house full of friends I don’t get to see often.

7/7 I met Julie online a week before we met in person. Our first real date would be at EXXXOTICA and who could ask for more. A beautiful Asian who would be open minded enough to join me at the event. Certainly the photo negative of some of the prudes I had met back before I became temporarily handicapped. We met at the train station the day before. She’d actually have to sit while Kelly touched up my hair at Milio’s. Our hands found each other and soon after so did our lips. To me it felt right and by the week’s end any other woman would be the furthest thing from on my mind. She was exactly what I had waited for for so long and she was aware of my past since she used this diary to access my life’s “open book.” I wanted this more than anything as far back as I can remember other than my recovery of course.

After I checked in and set up my makeshift office we hit the convention floor and made our rounds. I even managed to get her VIP access for the evening of the show. She would have to leave the next morning and this meant that the forces of nature had their way and we retired from the show early. I had no regrets.

Bad Kitty/Good Pussy: Seeing Julie off the next day would not be easy. The wild fun ensued but she was on my mind the entire time.

The following weekend was Chicago Open Air where Ministry and Rammstein would perform and Max and I had VIP all access. I ended up giving my access to Brian so that I could have alone time with Julie. I had no regrets again.

Over the next few weeks it was almost like a roller coaster romance and the mood would swing one way and then another. It was both confusing and frustrating. Six weeks in it would prove to be an ill fated affair of the heart.

“Loving you was so easy
And leaving you was so very hard
And now I’m living in this ocean of blue” -Million Miles Away by Hanoi Rocks

7/19 Saw Cheap Trick again with Joan Jett and Heart on the bill. Went with Max Bravo and Brian Stoneman and it was a killer time even though my boss began riding me hard at the office. Max managed to cheer me up late and I went home during Hearts set and called Julie.

7/22 Dale and Anne came to town to see Cheap Trick and met Julie briefly. Then Julie left briefly, and this was the first time she broke my heart but that dark side in me took over. I went from broken, to embarrassed to pissed. She returned and we had another 2 nights.

7/30 Torianna Nichole Bodie Acoustic set at Elbo Room

8/6-8/7 Hot Dog Fest and Edgefest. I’d also find a new physican that weekend.

Saturday August 13 was my close friend Jeff Windisch’s birthday. I was at Julies home in Champaign for the weekend which would be more dramatic than romantic due to the powers of negativity. I sent Jeff a funny Facebook birthday message and that evening he died in the audience where his band Emperors and Elephants had opened a show in Minneapolis for a national headliner. Sadness swept over me but at least I had Julie to soften the blow.

Within 48 hours we were over and I was home. Lucky for me Curse Mackey was staying at my place during the week and the day he left Bob Salisbury from Boston arrived. I indulged to numb the loss and indulged in many friends constant company. At least I wasn’t alone with my thoughts.

“Took too much of this, had too much of that
But with you I never got enough
I thought there’d never be love in my life
And that’s sad ’cause when I think what I could’ve had
It makes me feel so bad” -Million Miles Away by Hanoi Rocks

“I smoked a lot of sky, I drank a lot of rain
Anything to ease my pain” ” -Million Miles Away by Hanoi Rocks

That Friday was Jeff’s funeral. Finally all of the pain set in. I had hired a limo to take me there and back. On my way back I had the driver stop at a liquor store and I began to drown myself again.


I did get to visit a cool drive in the last weekend I had with Julie. It should have been the perfect date if she had turned off her phone and ignored the endless blatant venomous email attacks from her ex. I prefer to remember the good parts of that night. Somewhere inside of her she must have cared more for me than the part of her that let me go two nights later. Nobody in my adult life has taken me to a drive in for a date. That will always be special to me. 

That age old Alex Zander defense mechanism would once again do damage control and take over: it will be a long time if ever that I let myself fall that deeply in love with another woman. Those close to me knew better than to ask and a few would inquire and there’s was only so many times I could say “I don’t want to talk about it”, before verbally exploding.

8/25 Ash and I had gotten back in touch just after nboth of our syncronized failed relationships and Friday 8/25 she met me and some friends at the Foundation Room where we were seeing Ace Frehley. This is where we shared our first drinks. She had another show to attend across town and we had plans to meet up the next afternoon for a wildly fun night out.


September 2016

9/2 Went to see the Cubs VS The Giants at Wrigley Field then at the bottom of the 7th went to see Ash for the first time at her place. We were up till around 5AM and she had to go to work.

9/7 the week of….Porn Legend Rebecca Bardoux drove from Las Vegas to Chicago and stayed at my place for several nioghts. I continued drowning.

9/10 Max joined me at the German American Fest and we hung out with a group of friends and as usual made or way back to my place.

9/15 Tori aka Victoria Rusalka Vladislav flew in from New Hampshire for Riot Fest and Jeff Brown came in from Indianapolis later that night. It was a long 5 days.

9/22 Curse Mackey and Rona Rougheart arrive for the Cold Waves Fest and my annual post Cold Waves BBQ is the following Sunday.

9/24/2016 Suprise, Jessica Egdorf drops in for the afternoon. I join her a few weeks later in St Charles for the Scarecrow Fest.

9/25 The biggest and best star studded BBQ I’ve ever hosted. People from all overthe world attend and perform. Thank Roy I took the following day off. By Tuesday most everyone is gone. Verna stays on for a few weeks.

October 2016

With the upcoming 25th Anniversary Reunion shows by Pigface and The Electric Hellfire Club approaching, genuine interest in MK ULTRA is growing for the first time in a decade. I begin working on several projects with some other people.

1) The MK ULTRA videop yearbooks from the 90′s

2) a limited edition hardcover MK ULTRA coffee table book.

  • Tac Quick (Thai) opens in the former Fornella’s space. I get to know staff and management.


  • I discover the newly rejuvenated Little Vietnam up at Asia on Argyle.

10/14/2016 Curse Mackey return for rehearsal on Pigface 25

10/18 Verena returns home

10/20 Phil Owens arrives and we go see M83.

10/23 Phil returns home

10/28 My MK ULTRA Halloween show at Looney Bin. get a room in Bourbonnais at Super 8 and its the worst lodging experience of my life. The show began to fall apart due to the Cubs in the World Series but comes together in the end with some all stars talent.

10/31 Halloween with Ash in the east Loop. Long wild and crazy night
November 2016

11/1 Back to Midwest Orthopedics for my 6 month post hip surgery exam.

11/19 People begin to arrive for Pigface 25 and I will have a houseful and a lot of stress for the next 10 days

11/24 Pigface 25 dinner and dress rehearsal at Reggie’s

11/25 Pigface 25 House of Blues SOLD OUT

11/26 Ill fated Thanksgiving Feast for Friends.

11/27 Bad Santa 2 with Adrian, Max, Ash and Brad

December 2016

12/2 Flight to Tampa for the Electric Hellfire Club reunion show. Room in Ybor City at Hilton Garden Inn

12/3 Spent time in Tampa area with Eric and Carissa Bandauski

12/11 AZ Birthday Dinner at Bird’s Nest Bar

12/16 Colonoscopy

12/23 Indianapolis for Christmas Weekend with the Curry family and friends.

12/26 Return home to Chicago. Bree Sutherland and her sister killed in fatal car crash

12/31 New Years Eve with Bob Hoeksema


‎UPDATE from Bree’s Aunt

Susan Sutherland Barnes‎ to Bree A. Sutherland

Hi, my Sweet Bree. I have good news for you tonight! Greg is much improved and he was sitting up in his chair today! Yes! And his sister was there too. She’s spending the night. And even more good news. > We finally found his phone so he can have his photos of you! He was very concerned about that. We’ve set a tentative date for your service, but I’m not going to share until the church confirms – which should be soon. However, I do want you to know that I remembered even though I’m retired, your friends are not, and chose a date accordingly. The nurse told me that you were in Mom’s room last night having a chat with her. I knew she needed a little more time with you. We all do. Send us a sweet dream? By the way, you look fantastic in white and gold.

Yesterday just before I left work I got a text from Greg and he’ll be calling me tonight. I thank his sister Kelly for delivering my thoughts to him. I feel much better just hearing from him and am now awaiting the harder part. At least at this point I can breathe a little easier. Tuesday and Wednesday were tough. 

Kimberly Ann, Jessica Spencer, Lanise Antoine Shelley, Maria Spanos, Bree A. Sutherland, Kelly Duncan, Alex Zander, Max Bravo, Minita Gandhi and Victoria Soto.

- Photo by Greg Duncan at Magnolia Cafe


Update 12/30/2016 510AM

After getting a text from Greg 2 nights ago I finally was able to sleep till the alarm went off Thursday morning. Last night after work we were messaging online and it sounds like he’s being released and will stay will his parents for the next week or so. I also got some funeral information which I can’t share yet but it looks lie I’ll be travelling to Michigan for the services in the very near future. 

It felt really good to hear from him and he knows now that he’s not alone in this. The support system between his family and me I am confident are up for it and will be the best. I’m also going to miss Bree in my life very much. We shared much together from fests, shows, BBQ’s, dinner parties and just good solid true friendship. I’m happy to have been the one to lead her to true love. 

Mid Summer dinner at El Mariachi 2015

El Mariachi 12/2015 my birthday dinner with Bree and Greg