Who knows, well I don’t care, ’cause I don’t fit in anywhere, But it’s all right, yes it is all right. Well, I’m numb but that’s my style, I’ve been numb for a little while

Gauge w/ Greg Miner and I at Embassy Suites Rosemont just because I mentioned her yesterday
Riddle: “I can sneak up on you or be right in front of you without you knowing. But when I reveal myself you will never be the same.”
Answer: Betrayal

Riddle: “I can’t be bought, but I can be stolen with a glance. I’m worthless to one, but priceless to two.”


Answer: Love


Now like a bird
She flew away
To chase her dream
Of books and praise
Still I miss her
Yeah I miss her
Since she’s gone
Who played the fool?
Self pity sick
Jet fuel perfume
Still I miss her
Yeah I miss her
Since she’s gone


I fucking swear, if there’s one goddamned thing that pisses me off more than anything else is getting BLOWN OFF!

I never thought that back in my days as a freelance writer that I’d be grateful for having an interview rejected by 3 Pittsburgh based rags. This is the record that inspired the creation of MK ULTRA and special thanks to Justin Devlin for turning me onto it 25 years ago.


I haven’t been on here for 13 days but its been a stressful 13 days which included a vengeful attack on my PC which resulted in a virus that prevented me from getting online thank to Bill aka Vas O Agnostos for coming to my aid in a time of need only 2 days ago.I also ended up in the hospital, again, for doing something stupid. 

So here we are:

I had to cancel on Christine for seeing LA GUNS as I’ve been to sick. She was on her way but I had to bail. Not getting and sleep and cold and cold sweats plus the apartment is so damned cold right now. I was on the guest list and missed a lot of my good rock n roll friends. I very badly wanted to go but had to bail on the event. 

Alex Zander, look who I found!!

After being sick for 3 days and minimal sleep and no food I’m finally feeling human and working hard to find a roommate ASAP. I had lunch w/ Tom at Tack Quick and had some great Tom Yum soup which always has been a remedy for a cold this bad.

Miranda Wattles sent this to me from Mexico

Wrigleyville North on what became a night from HELL

Union Station on what would come to be a night from HELL

An old friend from Missouri returns after disappearing for years. 

More to come. 


More later

Ah you loved me as a loser, but now you’re worried that I just might win. You know the way to stop me, but you don’t have the discipline. How many nights I prayed for this, to let my work begin…

My first ride since 9/14 and the waters are devoid of boats and the beaches of bodies. It’s desolate as everything thing is packed up for the season except for The Dock at Montrose which was still open for business. All of the Elotes vendors and bike rentals are gone. What a difference two weeks makes. It’s so vacant on the trails now except for the joggers and people exercising.There were asphalt trucks out all the way from Montrose to Belmont, the new trails are almost done. Some parts are as wide as a street and the others divided into two paths one for peds one for wheels.

Summers gone and so is a big part of me. 

Severe weather is moving into the Chicago area this afternoon. A Severe Thunderstorm Warning has been issued for Cook, Lake, McHenry, Kane, DuPage, Kendall, LaSalle and Will counties. Heavy rains and hail are expected.  70 mph wind gusts are possible.

Feel so restless, I am,
Beat my head against a pole
Try to knock some sense,
down in my bones.
And even though they don’t show,
The scars aren’t so old
And when they go,
They let you know

You can’t put your arms around a memory….but I’ll try.

The first person who sent me this quote ever was Jared Louche of Chemlab. I never realized it was a Queen Victoria quote

Tracii Guns May 8, 2016 The Looney Bin – Bradley IL
L.A. GUNS July 6, 2017 The Arcada – St. Charles IL
L.A. GUNS July 25 2017 The Forge – Joliet IL
L.A. GUNS October 28, 2017 Big Shots – Valparaiso IN
L.A. GUNS June 1, 2018 The Dock – Rockford IL
L.A. GUNS Oct 11 2018 The Forge – Joliet IL


Tomorrow a new chapter begins for a temporary stretch but at least a lot of stress has come off for the time being . maybe at the least I’ll make a friend out of it. I hope. Plotting the balance of my year. A couple of night trips and a grand finale for my birthday  at the Looney Bin.. again. Bad Santa and Marcus return home. I’m gonna bring presents again this year.

As if this place isn’t one of my favorite hotels to revisit semi annually last year they added a full bar in the lobby where Adrian and I were a hit. 

Why did I dream about Kaylani Lei last night? I haven’t seen her in 3 years and voila it was like she was right there talking to me again. I’m haunted with the memories of 3x telling her she was the most beautiful woman in my eyes. At least she didn’t make me feel like a fool at the time (s). 

I’m concerned about my partner in crime down in Red Stick and feel the need to visit him at the top of next year. Another friend with a health scare as if I haven’t had enough of that to lat me a lifetime. 

Steve Franks stopped by last night. It seems like most of our conversation was regarding the insane state of politics and divide in our country along with how absolutely absurd politically correctness has come to dictate the way we express ourselves. It really made me miss the Ranalli’s days. 

Watercat Anny on a chilly lazy Thursday afternoon. 

The new high rise that is almost finished at 750 and 810 W. Montrose at the corners of Montrose and Clarendon wwill deliver 381 apartments, a 31,000-square-foot grocery store, 278 indoor parking spaces, and a renovation of the Clarendon Park field house.

Montrose Beach Pier Thursday afternoon 9/27/2018 69 degrees and the number goes wasted yet again. 

Thanks to Dawn, Brad and Miranda my Xmas trip is booked and paid for as an early birthday present. Its Brads birthday too. 

This felt good to see. LOUD RADIO posted this on Facebook this evening. It feels great to be remembered and I feel like I’m seeing the light at the end of this long dark tunnel today. Carpe Diem!

It’s darkest on the night when you’re blind to all you sow. Go on and make your play, but know I’ve buried more than bones

 “I sit here all alone with a coffeecup built for two.. Isit here all alone again and again and again and again,,,and im still waiting and waiting and waiting & hoping while im simply being forgotten……” - Franke Nicholas Nardiello aka Groovy Mann of Thrill Kill Kult 9/23/2018 822AM Los Angeles CA (the second rock star that ever sent me a physical letter in the mail. Friends to this day)

How can it be this spoiled brat cat is not even a year old yet? This is Anny the Watercat when I got her.

Working with Electric Revolutions drummer Billie Pulera who also shares my birthday and Nick Huffman to book a birthday show Dec. 15th in Bradley at The Looney Bin, my 3rd in 3 years. Adrian and I will revive the Bad Santa bit and I look forward to the stay at the hotel there in Bourbonnais which I have come to love the comforts and amenities of. 

I met the band after they opened for Frank DiMino and Punky Meadows of ANGEL a couple of months ago. We really hit it off. 

Here is a link to one of their new songs “Cookie Jar” that I was privileged enough to hear prior to its release. 


With Nick Huffman and Adrian Homan December 2017

By accident I recently discovered SCREW TV via my ROKU and was delighted to see all of the retro propaganda and clips exploitation from the 1970′s Sexplosion era. The newer content of Millennial era girlie videos are of no interest to me whatsoever but some kids somewhere will surely get their kicks. 

The Official Channel of SCREW – the Second Oldest Name in Visual Entertainment (and Enjoyment) for Men.

Screw was a weekly pornographic tabloid newspaper published in the United States aimed at heterosexual men; according to a statement on the cover, it offered “Jerk-Off Entertainment for Men”. It was first published in November 1968 by Al Goldstein and Jim Buckley (who edited the short-lived “sister” tabloid Gay), and was printed weekly in tabloid form. At its peak, Screw sold 140,000 copies a week. Founder Al Goldstein won a series of nationally significant court cases addressing obscenity.


Weird that when Ashley and I see Garbage next month it’ll have been 3 yrs to the date since I last saw them on their Full Debut Album on ’20 Years of Queer’ Tour. Life is so different especially considering who I took to that show. 

I had been thinking that I received a press kit from LA GUNS old label polydor/PolyGram back in 1991 when I was still just a fledgling free lance writer and how much I loved their “Hollywood Vampires” album and image of that era. So I pulled a an overloaded heavy 80 lb.ish box out of my storage archives and the photo folder for bands with the letter “L” and lo and behold there it was. I’m gonna ask Phil and Tracii to sign it in a couple of weeks. 

Via Instagram and a few other means I took the latter half of last week to remind the world that MK is still here and of who I am and I’m not going away anytime soon. It’s time to also remind myself of who I am and not let the current state of things to let me lose sight of that. Early in life I decided not do things by the book, the easy way or take the path of least resistance and because I’m not content with living the “Average Joe” life once in awhile stumble. (an fall as I did a week ago this morning) I couldn’t live with myself any other way.



Word of Wisdom From My Brother

“There’s two types of people in this country that doesn’t get along: our type and THAT type.”

“They must believe they are the best. And non-conformity threatens them because they don’t want to confront the reality of being incapable of thinking outside their box.”


My Calm Before an Act of a Vengeful God

 ”I feel that a sunset is a lazy mans sunrise” – Norm MacDonald

Friday September 14, 2018

Nothing at all has gone as planned. Not even the back up plan. Somewhere around Pittsburgh a bitter woman is enjoying this. I’ve decided this week to put all of this anxious negative energy, concern for well being and worry into something productive, if for nothing else than my health. I haven’t done the Lake Shore Bike Trail in its entirety since 2001. Lots has changed since then, mostly for the best.  The wider separated lanes are newly paved and smooth to ride on. I had my non mountain bike out again and it was a smooth cruise all the way even with the detours. It was not busy at all on my way down but after lunch on my way back that had all changed. Lots of tourists on rental bikes enjoying the unseasonably great weather. The museum campus was packed with families and there were many  tour buses. My main dilemma, frustration and aggravation is that with all of the time and money the city has put into diving making and dividing the bike lanes and the walking/running lanes that a lot of peds still walk or run on the bike lanes which I may add are clearly marked. I stopped only to swig some water or to take a picture or check my phone when I received a text. I was home by 2 and sore by 4.

I kicked off my 45 mile plus bike ride on the Lake Shore Bike Trail this morning at Edgewater by saying “Good Morning” to Iron Skull. 


By the time I got to this point and turned around I had no idea how far south I’d gone having passed Northerly Island, Solider Field and McCormick Place due to the detours. I was very far from home. 

Solider Field 

Who knew?

Soldier Field Sledding Hill 425 E. McFetridge Drive, Chicago With its 33-foot vertical drop, the hill at Soldier Field never goes bare,even in a dry Chicago winter-manmade snow machines are at the ready to make sure kids don’t miss football one bit.

From the lawn at Adler Planetarium looking at the Skyline

From Lake Shore Drive Looking at Adler Planetarium

I get away from social media and from the news media in general and still reminders of our POTUS. No escaping. 

This new addition to the field in front of Navy Pier next to the Chicago River cracked me up. 

Thursday September 13, 2018 I started out on a 3 hour Lake Shore bike ride

It was not even 8AM when I spotted this guy. Almost wrecked. I’ve decided to call it IRON SKULL.

“Striding Figure” (or “Large Walking Figure 1″), a new art installation from the Chicago Park District and Department of Cultural Affairs and Special Events.

The gigantic sculpture is 15½ feet tall, over 6 feet wide, and at an angle, stretches 9 feet in length.

It’s not a permanent installation, but will be up at least a year, city officials said.

The work was done by British artist Thomas Houseago, who now lives in Los Angeles. Photos of “Striding Figure” appear in Houseago’s Instagram feed from last month with captions that read the 2013 piece was “getting ready for Chicago.” It previously was in Leeds, England.

The waters edge at Edgewater

Montrose Beach 830AM Thursday 9/13


View of skyline from Belmont Harbor


Wednesday September 12, 2018 afternoon 2 hour bike ride

Northern end of Kathy Osterman Beach. Known as Hollywood Beach, the gays and their friends hang out on the south side. Most popular when the weather is warm.

Edgewater Beach Hotel

The Edgewater Beach Hotel was a resort hotel complex on Lake Michigan in the far-north neighborhood community of Edgewater in Chicago, Illinois, designed by Benjamin H. Marshall and Charles E. Fox. The first section was built in 1916 for its owners John Tobin Connery and James Patrick Connery, located between Sheridan Road and Lake Michigan at Berwyn Avenue. An adjacent south tower building was added in 1924. The resort hosted famous movie and sports stars, and later Martin Luther King, Jr. It was also the setting for the celebrity stalking case and shooting, which inspired the novel and a movie, The Natural. The hotel closed in 1967, and was soon after demolished.

The Edgewater Beach Apartments to the north were completed as part of the hotel resort complex in 1928. The “sunset pink” apartments complemented the “sunrise yellow” hotel in a similar architectural style. The apartments remain standing and have been listed on the National Register of Historic Places.

End of the Lake Shore Bike Path

Less than half full on a Wednesday mid afternoon off season. Not bad. 

Scouting out picnic spots. These weeping willow trees are in Edgewater

The Clock Tower Café was originally constructed in 1931 and built alongside the Waveland Fieldhouse (currently the Sydney R. Marovitz Clubhouse), as a refreshment stand to accommodate the patrons of the surrounding golf course, tennis courts and ping pong tables. The Clock Tower was designed by native Chicagoan Edwin H. Clark in the same English Gothic style as other landmarks in Waveland and Lincoln Park to offer North Siders the same fieldhouse experience found on the South Side.

Where’s my Missing Peace?

Monday September 10, 2018 afternoon bike ride

still windy w/ swim ban/rip current warnings


“The room is too hot. I can’t open the windows. I am in the midst of a bitter quarrel with a blonde woman. The song is half-written in pencil but it protects us as we manoeuvre, each of us, for unconditional victory. I am in the wrong room. I am with the wrong woman.”

I loved you in the morning, our kisses deep and warm
Your hair upon the pillow like a sleepy golden storm
Yes, many loved before us, I know that we are not new
In city and in forest they smiled like me and you
But now it’s come to distances and both of us must try
Your eyes are soft with sorrow
Hey, that’s no way to say goodbye
I’m not looking for another as I wander in my time
Walk me to the corner, our steps will always rhyme
You know my love goes with you as your love stays with me
It’s just the way it changes, like the shoreline and the sea
But let’s not talk of love or chains and things we can’t untie
Your eyes are soft with sorrow
Hey, that’s no way to say goodbye
- L. Cohen

Down under where the lights are low to a place where all the mutants go. Doing things I never did before. Inside out and coming back for more. Little girls with the four red lips. Never knew it could be like this. You put me in a situation. Goin’ through soft core mutation


Women, don’t do this!

In your house its okay if you want or where no one sees them but not in a restaurant. It is a public place devoted to food consumption.

The truth is I don’t agree, I don’t know what you think, but it makes me sick.
I know that many will come out to defend it, and they will say a lot of things in their favor, but they won’t even change my mind about this act.

It’s a bad habit. You can tell what’s been instilled in her house and it looks like it’s normal for her, as if nothings happened, but… don’t be putting your dirty flip flops on top of the table. It isn’t right.

Hot Damn! Spent most of the day updating the MK ULTRA site and proofing Cassie’s incredible photos and resizing them for the Facebook MK page and some for the news/reviews section of this site. It took hours. So much more to do and it’s damned hot out there. Nine days till I can relaXXX.

Guitar pick Adrian snagged at the CHEAP TRICK show last weekend. I was very happy for him. 


Round 2 in less than a week. What’s not to like?


Hard to believe next weekend will be two years since the 5 day bender with Tori that nearly killed me, or at least felt like it nearly killed me. The only other time I ever felt like that was the long EXXXOTICA weekend stretch with Krztof of BILE 2 years earlier. 

Sept 8, 2018


It’s chilly here this weekend. Waves are 7-10 feet along the lake shore and its windy. Maintaining my back porch has been a battle as nothing including chairs will stay in place. By some miracle the cover has not yet blown off of the grill which even with the weights I have on it now has not saved it in the past. My windows are closed and I actually had sweats and then jeans on today. I had to change back into shorts as I am not ready for that quite yet. At least the daytime forecast for her visit is in the mid to upper 80′s so we’ll be able to do the outdoor things as planned.

Here is a post from the campground that was posted today.


Holy Hell! I just tried this one and it’s damned good but also hot as HELL! Love it! Thanks Dale



“Best Locally Made Hot Sauce” — Orlando Weekly

This blast-worthy blend gets its bodacious bite from the superhot scorpion pepper — one of the spiciest chilies on earth. We’ve paired it with some extreme aromatics, including garlic, cilantro and lime juice, to craft a strong and savory sauce that stings with serious flavor and heat. Great on pizza, sandwiches, tacos or burgers, mixed into salsa and soup, or dabbed on grilled meats and vegetables.

Heat Level: 10+ (out of 10)