I’m the salt in the sweat On the cuts of the slaves, I was the wound in the side While Jesus prayed, I was the filthiest word At the vandalized grave

I’m the holes in your arm
When you’re feeling the shakes
I’m the lump on your head
When you step on the rake

And I’m the loudest one laughing
At the saddest wake

She gets home tonight after a long stretch at Rock on the Range where Soundgarden were booked to headline before another one of rocks great losses. Then I’m leaving. Hopefully she will join me and the guys from the BILE singers solo outing as “Nightmare Before Krztoff” who are staying here for 2 weeks for dinner at Tac Quick the eve of my leave.

Today I cleaned and packed all of the camping gear. Greg and I have rented at Jeep Compass. This is long overdue and I have not camped with a fellow Eagle Scout since I was in the Scouts in the early 80′s. So this one will be epic. Friday its just Greg and I then we spend teh entire next day canoeing and when we get back Dale and Anne will have set up. Sunday we’re biking through the forest to the New Glarus Music Fest and before we come home Monday swinging back through NRG for beer, sausage and a farewell to friends.  It goes without saying I am completely packed, gear, vitamins separated, soaps shampoos etc. All but attire. Scouts motto, “Be Prepared.” 

Friday after work Greg and I had dinner and drinks at Tac Quick. To my suprise my old bartender friend Vicente was also at the bar eating with his girlfriend. It was nice to catch up. The dining room was packed and it looks like all is well with the new location. It’s certainly great for me. Most of teh weekend was lazy as I flip flopped between Deadwood and Twin Peaks whihc I love. Sunday morning as mentioned was packing and organizing camping gear. 

My first very first visit to the camp was on July 16, 1999 which is signifigant because it was the day John F. Kennedy Jr died in a plane crash. We heard about it on the news while we were in South Side Beverage to stock up on beer. The last time I was there was in July 2015 and was in so much pain that a week later was on a cane after being diagnosed that my right hip had deteriorated. Last summer I was just too busy getting back into life to return. 

There’s a concert hall in Vienna, Where your mouth had a thousand reviews, There’s a bar where the boys have stopped talking, They’ve been sentenced to death by the blues . Ah, but who is it climbs to your picture , With a garland of freshly cut tears? , Take this waltz it’s been dying for years.

My honour is in bad shape.
I’m crawling at a woman’s feet.
She doesn’t give an inch.
I look good for fifty-two
but fifty-two is fifty-two.
I’m not even a Zen Master.
I’m this man in blue summer suit.
My lawyer took my .32 away
and locked it in the safe.
I’m defenceless against
her arrogance.
When the world is slow
she turns to me for an easy victory.
I’ll rise up one of these days,
find my way to the airport.
I’ll rise up and say
I loved you better than you loved me
and then I’ll die for a long time
at the centre of my own dismal organization,
and I’ll remember today,
the day when I was that asshole in a blue summer suit
who couldn’t take it any longer.

- L. Cohen: Paris, 1987

Brandon didn’t know what I meant by “shoot the horns”. 

“Alex, it was made for the masses.” – Greg Duncan

Greg came by after work last night and we hung out for a few hours planning our forthcoming camping expedition. I mentioned how the Rolling Stones exhibit wasn’t worth the $94.60 I paid for a VIP Pass and that I would have been happy with a regular priced ticket and only going once. I already have such a vast knowledge of the band that it wasn’t nearly as special as ‘David Bowie Is’ which was the most expensive, ambitious exhibit in the Museum of Contemporary Art Chicago’s history, and I went to twice. It also paled in comparison to Ricks Picks a few years ago in Rockford which I also went to twice and made overnight trips to do so. That’s when Greg replied, “Alex, it was made for the masses.” He was spot on with that comment. I’ve been spoiled by my life as an industry insider it’s getting harder and harder to be impressed let alone excited about such things related to rock n roll. 

I also told him about a very nice dream I had the night prior. It included Curse Mackey, Rona Rougheart and Franke aka Groovy Mann of Thrill Kill Kult and all of us were out in Wicker Park on New Years Eve dressed in black leather. My date was a woman that I dated last year which was weird because it’s very rare that I dream of her. That’s when Greg showed me some photos I’ve never seen before on his phone from a festival we were all at last summer. It brought back some bittersweet memories. 


So the great affair is over but whoever would have guessed, it would leave us all so vacant and so deeply unimpressed

He offered her an orgy in a many mirrored room 
He promised her protection for the issue of her womb 
She moved her body hard against a sharpened metal spoon 
She stopped the bloody rituals of passage to the moon 

She took his much admired oriental frame of mind 
and the heart-of-darkness alibi his money hides behind 
She took his blonde madonna and his monastery wine – 
“This mental space is occupied and everything is mine.” 

He tried to make a final stand beside the railway track 
She said, “The art of longing’s over and it’s never coming back.” 

Rio Grande Margarita (60 oz. Margarita)!

The afterwork meeting for dinner/drinks to celebrate Cinco de Mayo backfired as I arrived at El Mariachi and it was standing room only, no reservations and over an hour wait for a seat. The chairs and tables in the bar area were removed to allow for the overflow. By the time I managed to squeeze my way to the bar to order a margarita I already knew it wasn’t worth it. Patrons were rude and when Max arrived and ordered a beer I had one more margarita and we walked to Tac Quick where we were joined by Greg D and Brandon an Elgin area native who I had last seen in 2005. This was a better alternative and then we went to Wrigleyville North where we had a couple of pitchers and I bought a huge bag of freshly made Tamales.


Beer fills me up much too quickly to my liking these days and all of the sugar in it gives me a queasy, kinda hungover feeling the next day. When I departed I met a very alluring neighborhood gal, a dead ringer for Renee Zellwinger 90′s era. She expressed that she didn’t care for the comparison. To me Zellwinger was a real heart stopper back in the day, especially in the movie Love and a .45. We hung out in my flat for a little while and I showed her around and we shared open and honest communication which is nic.. I mentioned music and she said Sinatra, so I found common ground and played Leonard Cohen Live in London. I made us a pot of coffee and before she left gave her my card and loaned her Leonard Cohen, I’m Your Man. I hope to hear from her again and maybe she’ll return the CD. 

I didn’t get as much sleep as I had hoped and when I woke went and did some laundry and went to Jewel up on Berwyn and bought a lot of fresh produce. After a few errands I spent the afternoon taking apart my bakers rack and cleaning my Keurig machine and cleaning up that entire area. It took a piece of time and I spent the balance of my waking hours watching TV and chilling out. Max and Greg had both called earlier in the day in regards to the beautiful stranger I met when I left them behind.


Sunday morning I just wanted to stay in bed but had made plans to have breakfast with Max at El Palmar before heading to the Rolling Stones Exhibitionism at Navy Pier. I purchased my VIP the day prior and it would be waiting for me at Will Call. I didn’t have enough to eat and only 2 cups of coffee before breakfast. I had Huevos Rancheros and a michelada ( a Mexican cerveza preparada made with beer, lime juice, and assorted sauces, spices, and peppers served in a chilled, salt-rimmed glass) I was still hungry when we headed off to Navy Pier. Once there we had a round at the Billy Goat tavern and then took the tour.

The Rolling Stones exhibit features over 500 Stones’ items with 50 years of Stones fashion, 190 original artworks, vintage instruments, interactive sound mixing desks and recording studio, a screening cinema with exclusive content, all culminating in a 3D concert finale.


It was cool but sadly paled in comparison the Bowie thing 2 years ago at the MCA. I have a wealth of knowledge of the band so for myself I didn’t need the VIP and I not only enjoyed the Bowie exhibit more but also Cheap Trick’s Rick Nielsen’s guitar exhibit I saw twice in Rockford several years back.


‘Rick’s Picks: Rick Nielsen’s Lifelong Affair With Guitars & Music,’ the 5,900-square-foot exhibit featured not only a vast selection of Rick’s famed guitar collection, but also tons of Cheap Trick memorabilia. The focus was, “Guitars as art. Guitars as tools for making rock & roll. Rick’s life on the road and at home. It’s about the friendships he forged and the songs he’s written and played.

The Sugar Factory 55 E Grand Avenue

We stopped at Billy Goat on the way and then the Sugar Factory on Grand. We said hello to the GM Daniel and he bought our first round. Melissa and Michael were working the bar and Michael seemed to make my margaritas very strong. Karen the hostess was kind enough to allow me to grab a picture with a waitress Ashley, a stunning Ginger who has movie star quality looks. Not something I would have done if I wasn’t quite buzzed. Max put me in an Uber and sent me home where I cooked up 6 portabella mushrooms for me weeks lunch and watched Deadwood before going to sleep. It would not last long as I woke at 130 AM and could not get back to sleep. Another typical anxiety-driven restless Sunday night for yours truly.

We walked the narrow path, Beneath the smoking skies. Sometimes you can barely tell the difference Between darkness and light.

I’ve carried an umbrella everyday for almost 2 weeks. Where the tulips bloomed brightly and a little to early, which is always to late for me, they now bow wilted dying from the cold and rain. My back porch is dank, damp and a wasteland from the wet winds. My mood is not much different. 

May 2 2015 with Greg D and Kim on our way to see Age of Ultron and afterwards Greg met Bree for the first time and they fell in love. 

Taqueria Los Comales (horrible)

Lazo’s Tacos

Ashley met me at the office, on time, 330 and we took the train out to the Concord Music Hall which is a nice and newer venue located near that closed down eyesore The Congress. We arrived a bit to late to meet up with Tommy Victor for a bite to eat so we walked down to Los Comales on Milwaukee to eat and have some pre-concert drinks. MISTAKE! We ordered margaritas which were $9.95 each for the smallest margarita I’ve ever had so we ordered 2 more shots and sine it was Taco Tuesday some 99 cent tacos which were no frills. These things had only the meat, no onions, lettuce, tomatoes or even cilantro. After we ordered 2 more shots I asked to get the check so we could see what we were being charged. Within 20 minutes we racked up a $69 tab at this dump. We were disgusted and split after we paid the damned thing and walked down to Lazo’s on Western. This was a much better and more upscale atmosphere. The margaritas were bigger and only $8.95 and they were much better. We spent about 90 minutes there and maybe only racked up $50 total or less. We struck up a conversation with Steve from Dubuque Iowa who was good friends with Prong’s drummer Arthur “Art” Cruz. 

May 2, 2017 with Ashley at Lazo’s before seeing PRONG

Just before 7P we went to the venue and I found a great spot to stand and see Prong perform. The usually always ball of fire Ashley proved once again absolutely impossible for me to keep up with. She was all over the place. In the pit and back by me and into the pit again over and over. This venue is so great there’s literally not a bad point of view any place.

The 8-song set included:

Ultimate Authority

Beg to Differ



Cut and Dry

Another Worldly Device

Whose Fist Is This Anyway?

Snap Your Fingers, Snap Your Neck

When the set ended I went up to the bar by the merch booth and had a beer. There I was met by my friends Karen, Grant, Steve , Art Cruz and some others who we struck up conversations with before Tommy met up with us. Ashley again was all over the place. Down in the pit back up and down in the pit where she got hurt really bad but still went back in again. She wanted me to go down with her and I told her I don’t do that and besides I’m 20 years older than her. It was very loud so Tommy took me to the bands lounge in the basement which was very nice and open. It was then that my heartburn was unbearable since I had margaritas without taking Prilosec. I was in dire pain. Before I left Ashley somehow found us, she told Tommy about the book I’m working on which somehow escaped my brain when he asked what I’d been up to, and I dreaded trying to get a taxi in his part of town which is difficult, but I managed to get lucky and just missed a shooting at the bus stop as I hailed a ride home. I went upstairs popped 2 Prilosec tablets, drank a glass of milk and ate some ice cream.

Photobombing Art the drummer and a fan

Before I went to bed I called Greg Duncan to check in with him. It had been 2 years this day that he met the love of his life through me after we saw Avengers: Age of Ultron, the late Bree Sutherland. 2 years ago on May 2 it was a beautiful warm and sunny Saturday afternoon. I brought a small group back to my place and we sat outside and Greg and Bree stayed over. From that day they were virtually inseparable up till her death last December except for when Greg was back in Alaska finishing his duties and a crab fisherman. Alaskan king crab fishing is carried out during the fall months in the waters off the coast of Alaska and the Aleutian Islands. The commercial harvest is performed during a very short season, and the catch is shipped worldwide. I figured it’d be a tough day for him and he asked earlier if he could come by but I had the show so we planned for the next day which I had taken off in advance.

I woke and took my time drinking coffee and watching Deadwood. Ashley messaged me that she was so injured she had to take off from work. Around noon I walked to Target and picked bought a shower curtain liner and then scrubbed my bathroom on my hands and knees before cleaning up. I also learned that Byron’s Hot Dogs caught fire the night before and would be closed for a while.

Greg arrived 6PM and we made a couple drinks and talked about Bree and made more plans for our forthcoming camping trip. As it got later we looked for something fun to watch so I put on Jackass and confessed to him that my friends and i in Pittsburgh were doing stuff like it years before Jackass was created. He didn’t believe me. So many time Tom Tretter and I talked about if we only had video cameras back then we’d be rich. So I called Tom out in LA who also had his right hip replaced (go figure) and put him on the phone with Greg to verify. Mission accomplished.

Greg went home and I was restless and fired off a few emails before turning in.

Tomorrow is Cinco de Mayo and some of us are celebrating at El Mariachi!


We are pleased to inform you that you are approved for press passes to cover  our event. You may pick them up any day of the show at the Media Desk at the entrance to the show. These are good for all three days.
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Thank you and look forward to seeing you in Chicago, as we celebrate our return to the area for EXXXOTICA! In the interim, be sure to check our show specific website, chi.exxxoticaexpo.com, for all updates.
Thanks, and see you at EXXXOTICA!


Seven candles burn so bright The full moon behind a veil The ocean crashing in my head Outside the sirens wail Jet black is my dirty hair Jet black my heart and car My lips are red, my skin snow white My face is battle scarred

I have a lot to say. I have a few good things to say about a few, or two good people. Other than that I’ve just needed some Alex time. Till tomorrow, from what I’ve been reading. 

“Good father, since I am now broken down, no leader of the borning world, no saint for those in pain, no singer, no musician, no master of anything, no friend to my friends, no lover to those who love me only my greed remains to me, biting into every minute that have not come with my insane triumph show me the way now…

… and let me for a moment in this miserable and bewildering wretchedness, a happy animal.”

- Leonard Cohen “The Energy of Slaves”

I actually saw a muscle beefed up meathead tending bar last weekend at The Office in Channahon wearing this shirt. I so badly wanted to take his picture but didn’t even ask since I didn’t want my head bashed in. 

I was there with Steve Pens and Becky and their friend Sammi after Steve’s surprise birthday party way out in out in Minooka. I took the train to Joliet and Steves sister and fiance picked me up and drove me out to the country for the party. It was fun and I knew more than a few people there. Yes, he was surprised. Becky made a lot of food and sent me home with a big batch of carnita’s which I ate in  2 days. 

Sunday afternoon they drove me home and I cleaned up and had a couple of drinks at Tac Quick and waited for Ashley to arrive. Once she arrived I ordered us some food at El Palmar and we went to mi casa and watched Deadpool. It was a laid back weekend. 

The weather has been shitty for far over a week. I’ve had a lot of work so not much of a social life but Tuesday night I’m taking Ashley to the Prong concert and introduce her to my old friend Tommy Victor.  

After all that carnitas I shifted my eating habits and started making some fancy meals from portabello mushrooms so that’s what I have for lunch everyday during the week and at night I’ll be eating ground turkey stuffed bell peppers. I need to lose some weight by EXXXOTICA which is in June this year dammit. 

Presently I’m near the end of a do not much of anything weekend. Friday night I came right home, watched TV and slept in the living room and Saturday got up, ran out in the drizzle to do laundry, Red Line to Berwyn to buy coffee and mushrooms and back to pick up laundry in time to beat the rain which came at 1130 as predicted correctly for once. 

my latest addiction

I decided to brave the elements and stocked up on some groceries and picked up some new storage furniture for my bedroom. As I was leaving Target the rain was pouring and I took a taxi home. There I stayed and began watching Deadwood and the movie Wild Bill which wasn’t all that great. Slept in the living room again playing  a 1996 documentary film about the American Old West. It was directed by Stephen Ives and featured Ken Burns as executive producer. The film was divided into eight episodes and originally aired on PBS in September 1996. Its great to sleep to. 

Sunday morning I felt like having someone else make breakfast for me so I went out in the slop and had a breakfast burrito with ranchero sauce for breakfast at El Palmar. It was 11AM and maybe due to the weather but there were a lot of families with their very loud children. As much as it wasn’t the peace and quiet I had hoped for it was still nice to enjoy a delicious breakfast there again.

As I left the manager called me over and asked me if Ashley was Chinese and I informed him she was Korean. Funny guy. 

Tomorrow its back to work early and put another full day into 3 of the 8 projects I’m currently working. It’s mentally exhausting but helps me sleep knowing full well this will keep me with a full plate into summer. 

Friday is Cinco de Mayo and I couldn’t be happier that it actually falls on a weekend so I can celebrate. 

Adrian Holman Reports on the Chicago SEXCON 2017

(Max and I opted out due to the sketchy neighborhood where it was held this year)

It was cool. Nobody was shot. People were saying that it was a rough neighborhood, but they had three different parking lots with a bunch of security staff and police officers working security as well, so fortunately nothing popped off. All vodka drinks were free between 7-9 pm. Location-wise, it was the worst spot of the three, but that actually worked out as an advantage for me because all of the strippers were putting their butts in my face, so I was able to meet a whole bunch of strippers from Ocean’s, Club 390, and PoleKatz. Plus, the rain kept all of the morons at home.

Fortunately, they didn’t have all of those weed vendors, so the regular vendors were there: Nudes-a-Poppin, a bunch of strip clubs, and all of the sex toy stores. Nudes-a-Poppin will be cracking this year, so I should be able to go since they moved Exxxotica to June.

The best part was the pornstar Larry had there: Kimberly Chi. She is crazy hot. You will meet her at Exxxotica and you will love her. She may get her own booth or she might be a part of the Burning Angel booth because she just did a scene on their site. All the dudes from Rockford in Sleeze and everyone from Psycho TV said, “What’s up!” because they were looking for you. I didn’t stay for their set because they didn’t go on until 2 am. You and Max would have liked it. If they would have been more forthcoming about the security and the decent parking that they had, then more people would not have been too leery about going to 25th and Kedzie. Technically, you really didn’t miss anything because all of these ladies will be at Exxxotica. It was better than last year’s, but last year’s bar was pretty low. The funniest part was when they brought Mr. Marcus to the stage because nobody cheered. I almost yelled, “Syphilis!”

I ended up on a few people’s Facebook Live because this one stripper was so hot that she began twerking and she was so tall with the heels on that I just laid my head on her butt. I ended up going viral as usual. With that Facebook Live and Snapchat at Exxxotica, even crazier moments will be captured.

LA GUNS Jul 06 2017 Arcada Theater ST Charles

Dan Locke on of MK’s photographers has been digging up older photos. This gem with Kristy Rose was taken in 2004

what she said

‎Valerie Kenwell‎ to Alex Zander Dallas, TX
You have been my friend for 30+ years. You know everything about me and still love me and accept me unconditionally. You are so generous, funny, full of life (and some bullshit). Everything you said you would accomplish in your life …when we were kids …you have. You are strong, wise, and one hell of a great writer. I am so very blessed to call you my friend. I will defend you and support you till our last breaths. Love you! LAMPS!



Trust and you’ll be trusted
Says the liar to the fool

Well, my friends are gone and my hair is grey I ache in the places where I used to play And I’m crazy for love but I’m not coming on

“You can’t run around panicking and giving up; you’ve got to have the strength of your convictions; you’ve got to know somebody out there is going to recognize you as worthwhile and you’ll still be in the picture. If you look like you’re beaten, then who’s going to come forward?”

- Lemmy Chapter 12 from ‘White Line Fever’

“When it rains…….”

After last week of not having but seven hours of work to bill, lo and behold I got slammed at work today. Six new research projects and one that carried over from last Thursday. Obviously I’m going to be very busy for the unforeseeable future. It’s a good thing. I was stressed out last week anyway. 

Wednesday 545 AM: My tree lined street is already blooming with buds and what will seem like overnight soon I’ll look out of my window and exude a subtle sigh. Biking, beaching and the warm sun are closer this season than ever. 

Pre music video shoot for Subsonic’s “”A Day Late”  Summer 2004 1 year before I entered the corporate world as the print version of MK ULTRA was becoming a thing of the past. 

38 years ago today my first rock concert

I am the incubus I lay the egg in you, the worm that burrows through your brain, But you are the beast that calls me by my name

From issue #2 of MK ULTRA 1995 art by Jeff Brown Concept Alex Zander

Easter Sunday 1978 with brothers and Great Grandmother Minnie

I was there through the ages
Chained slaves to their cages
I have seen you eat your own
I’m the cycle of pain
Of a thousand year old reign
I’m suicide and salvation
The omen to nations
That you worship on all fours
I’m the infection and famine
That’s knocking at your door


“Put on whatever you want. Unless it’s Human Centipede.

I don’t wanna watch that shit.”

- Greg Duncan 4/14/2017

Mid April and N. Kenmore is in bloom

The tail end of a painful 5 day unpaid vacation came to an end on Thursday. I had been one entire pay period without any projects for work and it was the first time in 6 years with this company it has ever happened. Luckily I paid the IRS 2 weeks prior. It was a stressful day as I began to deal with a personal issue and suddenly got hammered with work. Vicky came by around 2PM and bought my Sexcon ticket and she hung out in the living room as I worked through the afternoon. We shared a pizza for dinner and she she left at a decent hour and I had a good night of sleep.

On Good Friday afternoon Greg Duncan came by and we had a few drinks, watched Dirty Grandpa and had a nitecap at Tac Quick. We made plans to do some cooking the next afternoon and it was the perfect day to do so. Earlier that morning I talked to Itti who was finishing on building the sidewalk cafe section of Tac Quick. I was looking forward to enjoying it.

Bradford and Itti at Tac Quick

Saturday morning I did laundry very early and then began to prep the Day Before Easter Brunch. Colossal Shrimp Cocktail, Stuffed Clams, deep fried jalapenos, steamed mussels, spicy sriracha pickles, jalapeno stuffed olives, buffalo cheddar cheese with stone ground mustard and Greg made homemade fried chicken wings. We indulged and then took it to the deck outside to work on the slow jam, eight-bar blues rendition of “The Redhead on the Redline Blues” a song that I have been working on for years. We figured out the formula, played it a couple of times and then we jammed on some standards accompanied by my new tambourine and maracas which gave us a nice acoustic rendition of “Sympathy for the Devil”.

Twas the day before Easter brunch with Greg Duncan

Lyrics first draft “Redhead on the Red Line Blues”

It was the perfect day and we went back over to Tac Quick, and sat outside enjoying a couple of cocktails and then came back to mi casa and had a couple of more drinks. At dusk Greg departed and i went to sleep. I woke the next morning to a big mess to clean up in the kitchen. It had stormed overnight which helped in my slumber and as noon approached the weather would be perfect again. My friend Tom came by Easter afternoon with a couple of nice steaks and a bottle of red wine but the steaks were still frozen so he treated me to dinner outside at Tac Quick. We had a couple of appetizers and I ordered Koong Chae Nam Pa Secret Menu Dish which was delicious. Tom being the connoisseur of Asian women that he is and having traveled to their land of origin explained to me how Vietnamese women age better than Thai. I wouldn’t know but Tom would. It was an interesting conversation. We chatted some more on my back deck and he admired my neighborhood. It was a very peaceful day even with a Cubs home game. When he left I took some sleeping meds and went to bed only to wake around midnight with the worst heartburn I’ve had in years. It kept me awake till 4AM. I knew I’d have to work from home and managed to get almost 90 more minutes of sleep and logged on at 7AM to jump back into an ongoing research project.


Easter dinner at Tac Quick with Tom

Over the weekend I also managed to finish season 6 of Shameless and was bummed that Netflix didn’t have season 7 available yet and neither did Xfinity. The end of season 6 was amazingly dramatic and they really gave Frank his long overdue payback. I have a week till Gotham is back on so I’ll have to keep myself entertained until then.

I’m happy to have that week of no work behind be but am facing a personal struggle ahead of me that will consume my time into summer. I look forward to my camping trip and EXXXOTICA and getting on with my life. It’s nbeen a very stessful couple of weeks and I have a few and I mean very few good friends to thank for doing their best to help me cope.

You know who you are.

Well shake your hip babe and bite your lip baby You’ll crack the whip babe come on You wanna be a dirty little rockstar yeah

Cheap Trick at the Limelight Eventplex & Bud Light Concert Series on the Peoria Riverfront July 7th. No friggin AmTrak to Peoria dammit and it’s a weekend!

My lil wild child, sweet sweet hard rockin’ Ash who always has the right words and believes in me like no other. I so wish you were suited for domestic bliss.

Funny how little people really know the real me. How I long for a nice long quiet and peacful life with one woman to spoil and one woman to spoil me. How I’d leave this urban lightning paced existence, the rock n roll lifestyle and trade it all in for domestic bliss. I’d felt like I was closer to achieving that for real last summer than ever. The problem is that I won’t just settle. I do have a standard and in every way I believed that last summer I had at long last finally found that. I’m not giving up. 

In the interim, my dear Ash calls and lends me a sympathatic ear and gives me no holds barred advice, words I need to hear, with no bullshit or punches pulled. With my circle of friends becomming increasinly smaller and more tight knit, it’s nice to know Ash is in for the long haul. I so much appreciate her in my life. 

Decided to visit Florida again, namely Ybor City.  around December as I did last year, only this time to explore my options, not to see a show. I’d go this Spring but I’m much to busy and I need to make money. 

…….”swimming with sharks” means “working with ruthless, back-stabbing people who will stop at nothing to achieve their own goals.” In this sense, a shark doesn’t care what he does to you or a company. He “attacks fiercely” in order to achieve his own goals. The “attack” could be perfectly legal, even though it might hurt a lot of other people.

I’ll get around to explaining that definition a bit later. Anyhoo, I started writing some opening pages for the MK ULTRA STORY and I’m really digging into the past. 1993-1994 which were the Genesis years of MK. I’m doing my best to make it personal and for the long time readers. This is me giving back to all their years of support and encouragement. Those important people who were the audience to the voice I thought would fall upon deaf ears.

Alex Zander…..wish you were here! 

- Valerie Kenwell in Dallas TX where PRONG played Friday night. 

I’m taking Ash to see them in a couple of weeks. 

Friday night I had a nice quiet dinner at Tac Quick and struck up an interesting conversation with a Chicago Fireman named Grant who happens to live in the neighborhood. KwanKong wasn’t working. Watched an episode of the Hugh Hefner Story and the movie A History of Violence. I was up later than usual due to the fact that people would not stop texting me. 

American Playboy: The Hugh Hefner Story
A fascinating docuseries chronicling Playboy magazine’s charismatic founder, Hugh Hefner, and his impact on global culture. Told from his unique perspective with never-before-seen footage from his private archive, discover the captivating story about the man behind the bunny.

Saturday 4/8

Sean from Shameless Season 5: And I’m a chaos junkie, so I love chaos, and when I get into chaos, bad shit follows.  And women like you. Hot, sexy, irresistible, fun, trouble-making, chaos causing, women like you were my drug of choice.


Red green, yellow and orange bell peppers stuffed with sausage, eggs, mozerella cheese and pickled jalepeno

2 Green bell peppers stuffed with ground beef, onion, pickled jalapeno peppers, and red sauce with Ground Calabrian chili pepper from a friend in Italy.

Saturday was one of the most relaxing days I’ve had in a long time with only one thing on my schedule, to see A Ghost in a Shell at 4P at Landmark Century where I was to have a comp ticket. Took my lighter bike out for air and I did a lot of cooking and watched Shameless, and in the afternoon took the CTA to the theater where my ticket could not be found. I took advantage of my location and bought fixin’s for Jambalaya , Red Beans and Rice and, Gumbo. Again I doped myself up and had a very solid night of sleep.

30 minutes later

QS&L Portage IN

we take wings seriously

The Bucketlisters Adam Becvare, AZ, Dave Ganz and Bryant Bohne

Bohne at his entire bucket

10/9/2017 Portage IN Quaker Steak & Lube
Sunday morning after breakfast I made my way to the west loop to meet up with Adam Becvare who was landing on a flight from Pittsburgh at 1140A and we had plans to leave at 1230P to meet friends at Quaker Steak & Lube for the best wings around. Its out of the way but very much worth it. 
Adam interview: 
Adam buzzed me in around 1220P and I met his wife Mary and we were on our way. The expressway (Chicago shooting gallery) was a busy as the CTA. The weather was great and who could blame people for wanting to be out and about. When we arrived at our destination Bohne and Dave were waiting on us. Ironically Daves brother will of Phoenix AZ is also friends with Adam and I’ve been friends with Will since 1999 and he even contributed to MK ULTRA back in the day. It was great and we all ordered buckets of wings ($29) and enjoyed a few hours of conversation and a couple of beers. 
Adam and I traded a few of our rock n roll behind the scene stories as we did on the ride to and from Portage. He’s close with Cheap Trick and even shares the same management as them. Meanwhile Bohne was nearly silent as he went through on his threat to devour the entire bucket. He’s a big guy but still, WOW. I talked about taking a closer look at Ybor City FL with the desire to relocate there. Dave brought up how there aren’t many shows that go through there. I hinted that I’m just about done with that part of my life and with the money I’d save by not having the Chicago cost of living over my head could travel to gigs. I’m very serious about cashing in once I get a publishing deal for the MK ULTRA Story book. I also decided to make a few more changes on the cover art. 
The afternoon was nice. Our sever Natalie was excellent and we took our time since I wouldn’t have to catch the South shore Train home this time. I had a little more than a dozen wings leftover and ate a few with a glass of milk when I got home, Watched some more Shameless and went to sleep in teh living room watching the PBS series on the American West by Ken Burns. I planned to work from home on Monday which was also the Cubs 2017 home opener. 

Chicago as seen from Portage IN

 I went out at 10A with my other bike to get air in the tires and after a quick stop at the bank found the air pump was out of order. Great. I walked it over to the Nearly New Bikes and locked up up since they don’t open till noon. Came home and ordered new bike locks, lights and gloves as well as Hanoi Rocks – All Those Wasted Years Hardcover book. 

Newly translated into English and published in a gorgeous 348 page hardcover book featuring many rare and never seen before photos, Hanoi Rocks – All Those Wasted Years, is available now! 
The true story of Finnish glamrock superheroes, Hanoi Rocks – from birth to their early demise following the untimely death of drummer Razzle to their triumphant resurrection – as told by the band members themselves. 
Includes a bonus 7′ vinyl in a collectible cloth bag with two previously unreleased tracks from the band’s 1983-84 heyday. There’s also a personal note from Mr. Monroe. 
Picked up my bike, went to Jungle Jewel and next thing it’s mid afternoon. Now work requests have come in, the storm is approaching and its movie time.